livingforrecovery

Something I've come to realize in the past 2 weeks is that eating right, and losing weight doesn't have to be hard. Gasp For such a long time I've faced it like it was a challenge akin to climbing Mt. Everest. Now recently I've been really lax, extremely lax over Christmas, but I found that the changes I've made in the last 3 years do not fly out the window when I am faced with days of non-scheduled eating. I can actually trust myself when it comes to food. I know that sounds silly, but for so long I've looked at food as the enemy. I've told myself that I cannot be trusted around food because I just couldn't make good choices when things weren't rigidly planned out. When you don't trust yourself, it is like having an excuse to pig out whenever the opportunity arises. The experience over the last 2 weeks has shown me that I have morphed into a much stronger person than I give myself credit for. Being around mounds of food

and then we can bid 2004 farewell. I've already got the entry in mind. But I'll save that one for later. Today I should have walked when I woke up, but I didn't. I still could, but I woke up and discovered that I did know what all those cramps were going on about in my tummy last night. Ick. We slept in our own bed, and it was good. I like our bed. It sleeps nice. My New Years Eve plans this year are to get dressed up, go to a girlfriends house that is near the beach and we will have a BBQ and drink some lovely cocktails that I learned how to make in my huge cocktail book I got last Christmas. I will eat my last dinner of 2004 without a care in the world for the amount of fat or points that it contains. I will drink as much as I want, and hopefully a lot of water as well to prevent the morning headache, or at least make it more tolerable. We will walk over to the pier and go in a club and boogie till our hearts content, we will watch fireworks, and I wi

I weighed myself at home this morning and have gained 1 kilo over Christmas. Not bad. I actually felt relieved. I knew it wasn't that much because I didn't really feel bloated. I never ate until I felt so full that I couldn't breathe/move, and although I had my fair share of snacks and treats, overall I did ok. Our toilet has been broken for this entire week and we've been staying at my mum-in-laws. Today the owner is sending his father to fix it. It did this last year and they sent the same guy. All I'm saying is maybe they should get a real plumber involved?? Could be why we keep having problems. When I went for a walk yesterday I saw a baby bird flapping near the ground and stopped to have a look. One of it's claws was caught in the bottom of a chain fence and he couldn't free himself. I freed it's foot and it hopped onto both feet on the ground and just stared up at me. I wanted to see it fly away but it didn't move. There were

So Christmas is over, and I have to say I'm thankful for that. It was pretty stressful this time because it was our first without mr. ralph's father. We went out to eat for Christmas lunch and there was so much to choose from that I ate small servings of everything I thought looked yummy. I came home feeling full, but not, "Oh god I have to puke full". This they say, it is a good thing. But overall have I been a good girl with the eating? No. Absolutely not. I am hoping to get myself back on track today, but because we are staying at the mum-in-law's I am thinking this is going to require much more willpower than I possibly possess. I am literally surrounded by a chocolate factory. She received every kind of chocolate or candy gift you can imagine. Working as the head of an after school care can have its perks, that is if you want to gain 10 kilos at Christmas. She also has some of my very favorite chocolates in the world. Lindt, which is Swis

I am going shopping today for those last minute presents because well, we just couldn't afford them until today. But I will also (hopefully) find something nice for me to wear during these festive times as we will be going out for Christmas Eve as well as New Years Eve. Let me tell you, losing weight is very expensive. Yesterday I put on my brand new Ralph Lauren jeans that I bought only 2 months ago while we were in America and guess what?? They are now the ever dreaded crotch hangers. Sigh. I can't believe how fast my wardrobe is dwindling. I think I had better try to get these clothes taken on consignment somewhere. What a headache. It was fun once, getting rid of big clothes... until now. Now I have nothing to wear. Oh, and someone at work yesterday called me skinny! We know it is not true, not yet , but what a great feeling! Wish me luck with the shopping, and don't forget to nominate your favorite blogs over at BoB - Best of Blogs Awards.

My wonderful husband massaged my very very tight shoulders last night and this morning they feel even more tight; one would think that is not humanly possible. It has to be the work. Eh. I can't call in, it is my last day before Christmas, and what am I being a fricking baby for? I only work 4 hours at a time for 3 days a week. Stupid, fecking neck. I'm telling you, I'm not even in the mood. So because I was rather uncomfortable from all the neck and shoulder pain last night all I really wanted to do was cuddle up in my lounge clothes on the couch. So as I got up and announced to mr. ralph, "I'm going to change clothes." He calls to me as I'm grabbing the silky pajama bottoms, "Babe you want to go for a walk?" I answer, "Uh, ok!" and grabbed the yoga pants instead. I was glad he offered because I was not going to exercise at all yesterday otherwise. Isn't he golden? And then afterwards he massaged me like I said

My cat won't let me sleep. Since I don't have to be at work until 3pm, I thought I could get sleep in a little. Nope. Since mr. ralph had to be up, buckley made me get up too. He is so wild in the morning, running around and jumping on me as he heads for the nightstand. HE MUST BE STOPPED. I think the milk I put in my coffee was going off and I drank it anyway. That is the kind of mood I'm in, lazy. I gave out my Christmas presents to workmates and everyone was so excited about getting them. It made all the work worthwhile. In the end I made so much stuff. I made the pretzel chocolate treats, some christmas shaped sugar cookies, chocolate spoons, swiss mocha, and cafe vienna coffee mixes. I didn't give everyone the same thing. Next year I think I will stick to one thing and make life easier on myself. There really is nothing like getting homemade goodies; makes people feel special. The green necklace was given to my friend on the weekend a

So yes, let me see. What do I write about today? The cat is fine. The vet said he is overweight though. Should we be surprised? It is all mr. ralph's fault. He was overfeeding him. He is at least 2 kilos over his normal weight. I have a whopping 6.7 kilogram beast sitting next to me on the couch right this very minute. And I love him. But what about me you ask? I am so unmotivated. I did go for a walk this morning, begrudgingly. I didn't bother to count points on Saturday after I drank like a fish. Yesterday was about the same although I miraculously calculated I probably ate within my limit. It is not really that I want to overeat, but I am sick of caring. Tis the season to be drinking and be merry and I just want to do it without worrying about an extra kilo here or there. Of course I don't want to gain the weight either, so what is a girl to do? My regular Weight Watchers meetings are closed because of the 2 Saturday holidays right in a row

I intended to post the weigh-in yesterday, but it just wasn't possible. So I know the date in my title is wrong. Sorry folks. But, I lost 200 grams. I think it was just dehydration. I now weigh 71.5. I went out with a friend of mine last night and had way too much to drink and am now paying the price. Good news is it a nice cool day outside and I have a lovely hubby who is making me some eggs and toast. I may feel human later today, but I doubt it. But now I have to talk about Friday night. There is this friend of mr ralph's that I've come to loathe. I mean that in the most sincere way possible. We are like oil and water me and this guy. The last incident was had at a mr ralph's younger brother's 21st in which we had a very drunken conversation as to why he doesn't like me and his response was simply that I am not good enough for the mr ralph. Yeah. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. You can expect that this piece of information was the

I think I may have permanently damaged my cat. It wasn't my fault, really it wasn't. I can't help it he drank from the bath where I had the soapy water soaking the mat. Why must he drink from the tub? Anyway now it has been a few days since he did this, and he still isn't eating a lot. He is active and doesn't appear sick, except for his half-assed eating and his runny poo. Yes, I said runny poo. I probably should have taken him to the vet, but I'm afraid the vet will take him from me since only a few months ago we had him there for a similar problem, but that time we do not know what he ingested, and he was very very sick. I fear she will think I am a bad cat momma. Plus the vet is damn expensive and he does look ok. God I don't know. How long is diarrhea a bad thing in cats? It is going to be boiling hot here today so I am going to go to the pool and cool off whilst getting tan. I know that tanning is so bad for the skin and all, but I

What a hellish day. Well, the beginning was actually good, don't let my bad attitude fool you. Although I didn't sleep well last night, and didn't get to exercise before leaving the house, I rather enjoyed the morning. I went to see Christmas With The Kranks and found it funny and all oooshy gooshy. Makes me miss having Christmas proper where it is cold and such though. After that I did a little Christmas shopping and visited my friend who did work with me but now works in a shoe store because she was finally fed up with the crap that goes on. The first thing she said when she saw me was, "Oh my you're looking skinny skinny." What a compliment! I was bowled over with joy for hours, as you can imagine. We chatted for a few minutes and set a date to go out together on Saturday night. I saw an unbelievably gorgeous pair of suede cowboy style boots that I want, and the killer is they actually fit my legs. It is not really the seaso

"The only things that can stop you doing what you want to do in this life , are your own perceptions of what you can and can not do. " Ed Hades I was at a real loss for an explanation for the way I overate on Sunday until I read the comment on Monday morning's entry from Denise . She is 100% correct! I had so much anxiety about going back to work that I overate without even realising that was the reason I was doing it. When I read her comment it was so obvious. I have to keep reminding myself that I am only human and that I shouldn't beat myself up over every little slip up. The second day back to work wasn't so bad. I woke up with a lot of soreness in my neck and chest, but I took some pain medicine and the anti-inflammatory drugs for the pain in the clavicle joint of my chest and it seemed to do the trick. I only needed one dosage, which is good. I think I just have to remember that my body will take a while to be back to normal and any acti

Frustrated does not even begin to describe how I felt today. When I arrived at work my security pass didn't work and my team leader had to be called. Apparantly they forgot to extend my access once I resigned my contract. Probably was just an oversight since I was away at the time. You would think that should have prepared me for the next bit, but it didn't. I surprised myself when logging on to my computer by remembering the old passwords. When your password expires it just prompts you to change it when you log on and after I did that I started getting a log-on error. I had to call help desk twice before they figured out that my host password had expired and had never been extended (same problem as with the security pass, but not as easy to fix). I had to have my team leader send a request for the host logon to be extended, which could take a few days. This means that for a while I don't have access to host applications, which rules out half of my job. Then I

I feel awful. Yesterday I ate too much, Too much for lunch, and too much at the party. I don't know why I did it. At one point I already felt full (which is a rarity for me on a normal eating day) and still had a slice of the cheesecake. Although it was a tiny slice, I know I shouldn't have. I don't even know around how many points I over did it by. I am afraid of going back to work today. I literally had bad dreams about it. I have to get moving and do some exercise before getting myself together for the day. I don't even want to eat today I feel so awful.

I've decided to use Flickr to share some of my pictures with all of you. Currently I have some from our Wedding Day, and just some random ones of me over the last year. Last night I made the chocolate treats and although I ate a few, I think I did very well in not eating lots of them. I can't say the same for my hubby, but I'm not counting his points. I leave that to him. This morning I went for a walk and got slightly damp in a bit of rain. I rented a palates dvd to try out and after less than 10 minutes was so bored I had to stop. Maybe I didn't give it a fair chance, but it was very boring and all the breathing techniques seem complicated. We're going to the Christmas BBQ tonight for mr ralph's co-workers and I'm hoping to not eat too much. I know there will be lots of goodies there, and I'm a bit afraid I won't have the willpower. These are the first necklaces I've made for gifts: Hope you enjoy the photos, and have a great

Wow. I weigh-in at 71.7 kilos (157.7 lbs), that is a 1.3 kilo loss (2.8 lbs). Unbelievable. I know I worked hard this week with exercise, but this has to be part of last week's loss because I know I had to have a lot of water-weight last Saturday. I've had a busy day today. I finished making the 2 necklaces for my friends. I think I will take some photos of them later and load them for everyone to see. I'm quite proud of the work I did since I just learned the technique required for this type of necklace yesterday. I also made a roll of homemade wrapping paper with sponges and paint. This was not as easy as I thought it would be and my cat made a mess. I had to throw him in the bath and wash blue paint off of his beautiful white fur. He was pretty good and only tried to escape once. He mostly just stood in the water for me. Tonight I am endeavoring to make these pretzel treats I found from taylor , but I have to alter it a bit since we don't have her

Yesterday I went through my closet with the intention of removing clothes that I no longer wear because they do not fit me anymore. This was harder than it sounds because the old me always hung on to her big clothes for fear that she would need them again. But this time is different. Each step of the way I have parted with the big clothes, lots of them still hold special places in my memories. I wore a size (US-18/20) in the beginning, and had some rather beautiful clothes. The physical act of getting rid of the clothes is making impact on me mentally. I am not giving myself an out. There will be nothing to wear if I gain weight. I don't even think I saved any of the before clothing except a pair of track pants that in winter I still throw on to sit around on the couch in. I won't give myself permission to not succeed. That is not an option. Soon I will be my healthy weight and won't have to get rid of clothes except for wear and tear. In the end, I

"Fat becomes your protection from anything you need protection from: men, women, sexuality (blossoming or developed), frightening feelings of any sort; it becomes your rebellion, your way of telling your parents, your lovers, the society around you, that you don't have to be who they want you to be. Fat becomes your way of talking. It says: I need help, go away, come closer, I can't, I won't, I'm angry, I'm sad. It becomes your vehicle for dealing with every problem you have. If you take away the fat without uncovering the needs it is expressing, you are left without a way to say what you do or don't want to, or don't know how to, or feel you can't directly. Fat speaks for you." Feeding the Hungry Heart by Geneen Roth I was re-reading this book again this week for like the hundreth time because of the feelings I had on the weekend and the above statement is so true for me. Food, and fat serves/has served a purpose in my life. I

The weather here is unbelievable. Sooo HOT last week and today a chill is in the air, almost feels like fall in the US and it is Summer. I can't believe how close Christmas is. I'm feeling a little better today. I'm still dealing with the swirling emotions and actually have begun thinking again that it may not be a bad idea to find out if there is an inexpensive way for me to start therapy here in Australia. It has been a while since I was in therapy and it could be very good. I've got control over my eating. Yesterday I did very well, and have discovered I absolutely love Nestle's diet choc delights , and they are sponsored by Weight Watchers and have the points on the package. Each is only 1 point. I went for 2 walks yesterday for a total of 50 minutes. I also walked 30 minutes first thing this morning. I'm finding it difficult to find ways to walk in my neighborhood without walking on the main streets for more than 30 minutes at a time.

I didn't think I was going to make it through yesterday. I know it sounds crazy, and part of me realises I should be able to take control over my emotions better than this, but I couldn't. I argued with mr ralph about why he didn't want to come to bed with me. He claims he said he'd be a few minutes and then when he came to bed I was passed out. Of course I was! But anyway I know that wasn't the real reason I was angry. I still don't know what motivated this awfulness other than pms, and granted I get really bad mood swings sometimes, this one took the cake. I even ate fast food yesterday knowing full well it will negatively affect my weightloss efforts for the week, and knowing I was doing it for comfort . Somewhere I read that knowing you are eating for comfort is half the battle! It didn't make me feel better knowing I enlisted food to help me deal with my bad day. All I really wanted to do was be alone, but Sunday is family dinner day

I gave in to my other evil indulgence last night. I let myself have an alcohol binge. I'm thankful that I didn't get sick, but I'm paying the price now with this tremendous headache. Yesterday was just one of those really bad emotional days. I knew in the back of my mind that the real reason my emotions were playing with me was due to the coming of my monthly penance for being a woman, yet it doesn't matter because it feels like the end of the world, no matter what the reason. First I got myself worked up over our finances. We're not in the poor house, but we seem to be living paycheck to paycheck now and just in time for Christmas. I wanted to go shopping and get some of our gift buying out of the way but we couldn't, and it depressed me. Then, mr. ralph and I were discussing how the present exchange this year is going to be hard no matter how it is done because it is the first Christmas his Dad won't be here. Mr ralph had tears in his voice and then

I stayed exactly the same. At least I don't have to edit my stats right? Bummer. I only hope this is not going to be a trend. That's all.

I've been awakened by the evil cat. This is my 2nd Saturday in a row to be up earlier than planned. But I did go to bed relatively early because I've been rising early every day this week. I could take advantage of this and go for a peaceful morning walk before I need to get dressed for my weight watchers meeting, but honestly I don't do that on Saturday mornings. I also usually have a nothing goes in my mouth rule pre-weigh in on Saturday mornings, but I couldn't help myself. This morning I had to have a cup of coffee, I'm so addicted. I think I have time to uh get rid of that before I step on the scale... sorry to share so much info. Last night, although I didn't make a great choice with dinner I am very happy to report on the amount I ate. We had pizza from this little Italian place we like and although I did eat half a bowl of chips (french fries for the Americans) I only ate 2 pieces of pizza, and they were normal sized. I didn't want any

I have one more week of not working. Yay. I made it. I am really looking forward to having more to do than sitting here and contemplating my next meal. We did really well this week and had salads for dinner every night. Except tonight we are going out to eat -- and I don't really know where or what I will have. It is almost 2pm and I haven't had lunch yet. My tummy is growling. I am afraid to eat too much knowing I will be eating out tonight, but I will have to eat something soon otherwise I will be starving and really overdo it when we go out. What a dilemma! Such is my very dull life. We will begin our Christmas shopping tonight and go see the movie Saw . I think it will be freaky, and I looking forward to it. I've read it is similar to the style of Seven and it is one of my favorite serial killer movies. This has been a fairly good week and I am hoping to see something good tomorrow on the scale. I will be happy with anything over a 400 gram loss s

Today I'm wishing that chocolate had the same caloric make up of say, carrots. That way I could eat the entire block my husband so graciously bought me yesterday when I said, "I've got a craving for some chocolate." We're not talking about a small-block here. We're talking family size. I've already consumed 3 serves of it since last night, and that isn't a lot. This particular one is a whopping point for 2 itty-bitty squares. That's right, 2. Yeah, you could say it is driving me insane. And he forgot to take it with him when he left (to give it away) so it won't tempt me for the rest of the day. Why does it have to taste so good? Why God Why? I'm feeling slightly better than I was two days ago, but sometimes when you experience a slap in the face like that, it takes a while to get the spring back into your step. I felt perfectly well this morning, and the weather is cool and beautiful, yet I still haven't had a

Even though yesterday was unbearable, I am happy that I didn't turn to food for comfort like I would have done so many times before. I stayed within my points range and that is an accomplishment. The pain is almost completely gone now. I haven't taken any pain medication since yesterday after I got home from the Doctor. What I want to do is go for a walk, even though I know the doctor told me to rest. I don't believe the walking was what caused the pain since I don't really use those joints in walking so... screw it, I'm out of here. Walking helps clear my head. I promise to make it an easy one.

If ever there was a day that I wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear from the world it is today. At about 3 am this morning I had the worst pain imaginable in my chest and had to take one of the endone tablets I had left from my stay in the hospital after my surgery. I was lucky to have it since without it I doubt I could go to sleep. This morning I awoke at 7:30 to find the pain had not subsided. My hunny left for his University office and I went online to visit a few blogs when the pain just kept getting worse. I walked over to the physio nearby to find out if she takes workcover patients because I just didn't know what else to do. Calling the surgeon's office would prove futile I'm sure. She told me she would need a referral and her first available appointment was tomorrow at 3. I took the spot and then began my short walk home. I think I got about 4 steps away from the place before bursting out into tears. By the time I got back inside my house I wa

Yesterday I went to a clothing party at my mum-in-law's home. It is called Postie Fashions and apparantly they've been in business selling clothes out of homes for a long time. I didn't expect to like them, but I surprised myself. If you go to the website, you can check out the current line and click on the gallery to see the spring/summer collections. I actually fit into some size AU12 things (which is a US 10). My body is inbetween sizes right now though, so it makes it difficult to buy things. I tried on this beautiful white suit and had to have it. It is so gorgeous and when my hunny bunny saw it on me his eyes lit up. After that, it was pretty much a done deal. I had to order the pants in a size 14 because the thighs were too tight in the 12's. Have I mentioned that is where my problem lies? This last 10 kilos is right in my butt and thighs. It is so hard to lose it from there. When I was in Junior High grade 6, I remember the boys teasing me and

I am awake. I think I may be the only one that is, at least no one else is roaming about drinking coffee and writing in a weblog. I am worried that today I will eat too much out of sheer boredom because I am here with not much to do because of the heat, and so much bad food lurking about. I did okay last night. I pretty much stayed in the 20 point limit which was great. But today I am going to be at this little clothing party of my mum-in-laws and she is having nibbles. I had her buy lite dip and low-fat rice crackers, but I know I will probably still eat more than I should. Hopefully I will have the sense to drink a lot of water and eat some carrots beforehand. Tonight we will have salad for dinner at home because mum-ralph and younger-ralph are going somewhere. I am not sure what we will make because we need to go grocery shopping. Damn. I just remembered I was meant to defrost our freezer. Oh well. And I have no idea when we will go shopping since the store

I weigh 73 kilos even. One hundred and sixty pounds. Not that bad. I gained 400 grams. I can live with that. I have resolved to lose a kilo this week. I will do it. This week will be different. For starters, dinner is at home tonight. We are having homemade hamburgers at my mum-in-law's house. And the heat is so bad that we are staying the night here tonight. But this time, I will be good. I swear it. I am making a salad to go with the hamburgers, and mr ralph and I have decided that because of the heat, we will eat salad for dinner every night this week. I will have to be creative BUT I think it will be fun. I'll publish the ingredients of each salad here so you can play along. If you know any good salad recipes that can be used as a main dish PLEASE tell me where I can find them in comments or email me at suckingitin at gmail dot com.

Weigh-in has arrived. The truth will happen in 2 hours time. I'm up because I've been waking up early lately, and it is so hot the air is sucking my will to live. It is only 7:30 but our place heats up like an oven and never cools down. Anyway, I was thinking of using the no-weigh card, but I know how silly that is. I am just going to face the music. If I gained it can't be that much, it may not add up to a whole pound. I still can't believe the Mexican food and dessert from that night could solely be responsible for this. I exercised every single day this week to combat it, and wasn't successful. Last night I ate breakfast for dinner, but it was out and I was dumb. I forgot to ask for no butter on the toast, and for them to poach the eggs. The bacon was slightly fatty, but I cut the fat off. But all and all I was just about 2 points over on the day and the morning walk should have helped with that. Seems I am relying too much on my exercise

I'm in the home stretch. I have less than 25% of my extra weight left to lose, and yet I am stuck in a rut. I am super hard on myself as a few of you have mentioned, yet as I think about that the first thing that comes to mind is: If not me, who will be? I feel driven to be this way. Back when I lost the first 20 pounds I remember feeling very empowered, and very happy about my accomplisment, now I focus so much on what is left to be done that I forget to give myself a huge pat on the back for making it this far. I've gone 3 years without going up and down on the scales. I've been losing weight or effectively maintaining weight and that is something I should be proud of. Today I had my brother describe all the food they will be eating when they sit down for their Thanksgiving dinner (probably right now as I write this), and my mouth watered. If I were there I'd probably end up eating so much it would take me a month to get back on track. I really

I got this from milk & pepsi . Please answer the following in the comments box(mine will be in the first comment): 1. If you could duct tape someone you dislike into a lawn chair and make them listen to three songs over and over and over, who would the person be and what would the songs be? 2. If you could smash a pie in George W. Bush's face, what flavor would it be? 3. What's your favorite sandwich? 4. What kind of underwear do you prefer? 5. Describe your favorite shoes. 6. Do you have a piggy bank? How much is in it? 7. Would you wear bright orange pants if they fit great and were of superior quality? 8. Scott Peterson: life without parole or the death penalty? 9. Would you rather drive a Saturn with dents and a bad paint job that ran great or a BMW that looked great but had frequent engine troubles? 10. What actor or actress would you refuse to go to the Academy Awards with?

I'm trying hard not to let the scale get me down. I'm already planning to use the no-weigh card yet again. The last time was a month ago, but it still hurts. This would be the 3rd time to use the damn thing. I just wish I had used a little self-control at that stupid work dinner. I always focus on the negative. This is a big problem for me. A few days ago Steffanie commented on here and reminded me to be happy about how far I've come. And she is right. I've come a really really long way. When I read other people's blogs and I read what they've lost and how many sizes they've dropped, I'm always impressed. I seem to be more impressed with other people's success than my own. A few weeks ago I was discussing this last 10 kilos with a close friend, we'll call her Sam . She recently introduced me to one of her other close friends and I must have brought up my diet with her when I saw her. Apparently when she last saw Sam she asked her if I h

Last night was a complete disaster in the kitchen. I tried to alter a recipe I found yesterday and it didn't work. I ended up with some kind of low-fat sweet potato cheesecake. It might taste ok, but it looks disgusting and is the remnants of what was meant to be a two layer pie. If I cut big slices they're 4 points a slice. Sigh. Plus I distroyed a cornbread. I think I put too much baking soda, it tasted bitter. So this morning I had to make a new one, and in deciding that I didn't want too much stuffing/dressing leftover I halved the recipe. It tastes ok, but didn't brown. Double sigh. Let us not forget all the licks, bites, and tastes I did while baking. I had two of the cookies I used for the pie base. They're 1 point each! This small pan of cornbread dressing is a whopping 17 points total. Talk about hefty dinner. I think I am having a point-free lunch. If I can make it through today (which I brought on myself since I don't really have to ea

I was looking for lowfat recipes for the Thanksgiving dinner I will prepare on Wednesday (long story but of course they don't celebrate it here and we need to do it a day earlier), but this website popped up and I have been browsing recipes and am now hungry. Damnit. I want to eat it all. It is a good thing I don't have any of the ingredients I need or I'd be baking right now. The aqua-robics was good. I really stayed for the entire hour, plus I walked there and back (total 40 minutes). But somehow I think all that exercise has made me want to eat more.

I got on the scale this morning like a complete idiot. I knew it was going to have my weight up, but I did anyway. It is so depressing that one Mexican meal and a shared dessert can do this to me. I have to remember to keep trucking on and make everyday for the rest of the week count towards my weightloss efforts and not let this blight get in my way. I'm very proud of myself for yesterday. I walked twice for a total of 50 minutes and did the 30 aqua aerobics. I discovered that since they offer the 30 minute classes back to back you can pay once and stay for more than one. I am going to do that today. It was tiring, but not so tiring that I couldn't do an hour of it. Besides in the 2nd half hour if I need to slow down I can. People just move at their own pace. As for the pain, it was tolerable. The pain in my chest (pectoral muscles) comes and goes. I find if I get into certain positions it doesn't bother me as much. It worries me and I really wish I had addressed it

Last night I made the most delish smoothie. Since I don't have a blender I haven't really tried to make any smoothies or low-fat shakes because what I really want is to be able to throw fruit and ice and whatever I want and have it all blend up to perfection. What I do have is a stupid shake-maker that I thought was something it is not when I put it on my gift registry. Should have put a blender on that thing. Sigh, hindsight. Well at our local Coles they have small bottles (2 servings) of these wonderful fruit things. They're not exactly juice, and they're not exactly thick, but they're all natural and basically delicious. I blended banana flavored nestle yogurt and 1/2 cup skim milk along with 50 mls of the mango flavored one and whoala, a 2 point smoothie which I shared with mr ralph. Today I will make a coffee flavored smoothie by adding instant coffee with a coffee flavored yogurt. Sounds good no? Well I am frothing at the mouth in anticipation. I didn&

So no one commented yesterday. I can't say I'm that surprised. But I spent some additional time on the new look and decided it was a keeper. Last night I ate so much. I don't even want to know how bad the damage was. I have no idea how many points it was but it was probably 2 days worth. The Mexican place my work team choose had nothing on the menu that was low-fat. Nothing. I also had a margaritta and a corona, plus my lovely husband took me to The Elephant Walk cafe for dessert. The place is quaint and has a very relaxing atmosphere. It is hard to describe but it was fab. We ate something called Banana waffles that had vanilla icecream and chocolate syrup. It was so damn yummie though, and we shared it. It is already after noon and I haven't eaten a thing yet. Mr ralph is still sleeping and I really should wake him so we can get on with our Sunday. I didn't go for a walk because I didn't wake up until after 10am and it was already too warm

Please tell me what you think of this new look I created today. I want to see what people think before I change it permanently. Please comment!

I lost 700 grams, and weigh-in at 72.6! That totals 1.5 kilos this past 3 weeks, which is an average of 1 pound per week. Let me tell you that when you get down to the bottom 3rd of your weight loss goal, losing 1 pound a week is something to get excited about! I know it is the exercise and I feel pretty terrific about it. The other day I wore this pair of size 12(US) jeans that I actually bought when I couldn't pull them up past my hips. I got them at the local Salvation Army store and thought they were gorgeous. They're boot cut and the darkest blue denim and do not stretch. I thought I'd be the happiest kitty in the litter when I could wear a pair of jeans that doesn't stretch. And I am! They look gorgeous on me (or so I think). It was a great feeling. Now I need a new goal clothes item to shoot for. This time it will be a size 10 (Aus 12). I wear some size US-10, and Aus-12 clothes now, but not usually in pants. The reason behind that is I carry most of th

I know I am behind the times and this is old news, but I just watched SUPER SIZE ME for the first time. It of course is not my first look at the fast food industry and the problems plaguing Americans, especially children that lead to obesity. I was a bit shocked at how much eating McDonalds for every meal in a month affected not only Morgan's weight and health, but his mood. Last year I read the book Fast Food Nation that really got my stomach turning. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it because even if you aren't on a diet it will radically change your mind about the fastfood industry, and may even help reduce your girth. This movie and book have both said what needs to be said, but will they alone make any difference to the ever-growing waistline of the world? I admittedly still eat fastfood from time to time. Most commonly if we need to eat out we choose Subway , which incidentally is not in the clear when it comes to the evils of the fastfood

The prediction is that it is going to be 37 today. I didn't walk this morning because at 9am it was already too warm. The plan is to walk tonight after the sun goes down. Mr ralph will probably go with me. I found that my doctor's appointment was meant to be yesterday. I know, I have no idea how I did that. I have rescheduled the x-ray for this afternoon and the appointment with the surgeon is tomorrow morning. So I should be able to stop worrying tomorrow that is if it is good news. I feel all bloated today. Ate too much pasta last night. I didn't overdo it on my points, but pasta and rice always sit heavy. My weight is fluctuating. I am still obsessing over the scale on a daily basis. I can't seem to talk myself out of it. It is like I have to know if it has gone up or down every single morning. It really is stupid because I know that there are hundreds of reasons why weight fluctuates daily. Last night I went to the store looking for somethin

A new study as reported in Yahoo! News shows how low-fat plans are better for those that want to keep their weight off for the long-haul. Dieters already have been turning away from Atkins-style plans as a long-term weight-control strategy, and the new study gives them more reason: Low-fat plans seem to work better at keeping weight off. "People who started eating more fat ... regained the most weight over time," said Suzanne Phelan, a Brown Medical School psychologist who presented results of the study Monday at a meeting of the North American Association for the Study of Obesity. Also according to the study, more than half Americans who have tried low-carb diets have given up. The American Institute for Cancer Research used these trends to issue a statement in September that urges dieters toward common a more common sense approach to weightloss: "Eat a balanced diet weighted toward vegetables and fruits, reduce portion sizes and increase physical acti

Walking is so energizing! Yesterday afternoon I walked for 30 minutes before dinner and it felt so good that I woke up this morning and did another 30 minutes. As I plan to do it again this afternoon that will make an hour's worth of exercising for today. Yay me. I am so proud of myself for getting out there and moving my butt. I discovered a lovely snack that is only 2 points! I cut up a low-fat wholewheat wrap and sprayed it with canola oil and grilled it until it became crispy. I then dipped it in lowfat sourcream with garlic and chile sauce. Yum! It was a perfect snack. Anyway, I am still afraid of the doctor's appointment tomorrow. I hope that it is good news. I hope he says I can start weight training again. I want to start doing more cardio stuff than just walking. I was thinking that although the gym membership wasn't that great an idea since I wasn't going much at all after I started my job, that an occasional (maybe twice a week) class couldn't be that ex

So far so good. I like being in my own home where I have complete control over what is in my house so I won't be tempted to eat snacks and other things that are high in fat and low in nutritional value. I hope that Wednesday I get good news and am told I am going back to work. It may sound weird, but work is good for my weightloss efforts. Since I always take my own food and the canteen is so expensive and not very tempting because I don't like spending money on food it is very easy for me to stay within my points range. Also, working keeps my mind busy. I sit there and sip on water or tea and if I am hungry usually chew gum or nibble on carrot sticks. At home it is just to easy to make several trips to the cupboard looking for something to eat because most of the day I am so bored. I haven't walked yet today because I had a headache this morning and we did our grocery shopping. I will walk this afternoon.

I wish I could say I am doing better, but this journal is about telling the truth. Mr. ralph just wants to sleep all day and I have already been eating mindlessly. On the Discovery Channel I watched a show about dieting. When I see women who have overcome really big obstacles with their weight it makes me feel so silly for complaining about how hard it is for me. I am afraid of going to the doctor on Wednesday. Yesterday I carried Buckley to the car and suffered some pain in my back and chest later for it. I should know better. I'm not sure if that fear is part of the reason for this recent bout of out of control eating behavior. Tonight I plan to eat a salad for dinner and go for a walk. I have the power to stop this.

I weighed in 400 grams less. Today's weight is 73.3, it is not that I am not happy about that, but I've eaten a lot of garbage since then and I haven't even had dinner yet. Yesterday I survived a huge fast-food craving. I went shopping in the city and everytime I walked past and could smell the fries I thought I was going to lose it. Today it has been chocolate and gummy snakes. We are eating out for dinner and will probably not be something healthy. Sigh. I know better, but I started my period yesterday and since then I have wanted to eat everything in sight. I made a low-fat cheesecake for dessert to share with my friends who are coming over but I have already eaten chocolate. If I wasn't here and was at my own home I wouldn't even have the temptation of it.

I have begun to notice the voices in my head a lot more after reading Dr. Phil's book. I always talk myself through cravings, sometimes the cravings win and I end up feeling guilty. Yesterday I did some shopping therapy. I bought myself two books, a new hair removal product , and some sunless tanning spray along with a skirt that I didn't try on and now has to be returned. Stupid skirt. It didn't make any sense at all because it was my size and I held it up to myself in the store! I know I have an ample bottom, but things shouldn't fit tight there and like a tent around my waist. It is so not fair the way clothes are made these days. Having an hour-glass figure has its ups and downs. Sorry, the point I was trying to get to was that we now have Christmas stuff all over the stores. And that means lots of chocolate and candy and goodies that I was very tempted by. I kept telling myself that I could just buy a small candy bar and enjoy it because I deserv

I've always thought all the hype about Atkins and carb-reduced diets would eventually slow down. I read this news bit on 3 fat chicks : The honeymoon is over. According to NPD Group, the percentage of people that follow carb restricted diets such as Atkins and South Beach has dropped from a high of 9% in January, to only 4.6% in September. Book sales are also dropping, as well as low carb food sales. Manufacturers are feeling a low-carb backlash, and their investments in the low-carb market are resulting in profit losses. Dieters may be shifting their focus back to calories and fat. I have to admitt that I love eating carbs and the idea of restricting myself from them forever is beyond my ability. I do eat far less High GI carbs than I used to, and this I think is the best progress in that direction I can hope for.

I love the sound of rain. It is raining again this morning and although a walk would be nice, I know I need the break. I pushed myself hard yesterday even though it was only a 35 minute walk. I ended up with a terrible back ache for most of the day and had to resort to pain medication. I can't believe that my doctor's appointment is only 6 days away now. In a way I am full of relief and also scared. If I can't walk briskly for 35 minutes without resorting to meds, how do I expect him to tell me I am free to exercise more? Talk about reality-based thinking. This has got to be about listening to my body. I weighed myself again. Consistently every day this week the scale has gone up 100 grams. On Monday it started as low as 73, and this morning it was 73.4. What am I doing to myself? I should stop doing this. Weigh-in is on Saturday and I should and NEED to leave it for Saturday. Speaking of Saturday I am having take-out with friends. I am afraid be