livingforrecovery

7/5 meditation for today: I can let you take the path you choose and still love you. I'm really looking forward to being on the farm this weekend, I'm going to go for long walks enjoy the country air. I'm learning to appreciate everyone that is in my life. I know that they are a part of it for a reason. I had so much fun with D. Reilly last night.  I always do.  He makes me smile. I was called up on stage during the intermission to participate in a contest of constructing something tall out of straws.  I got called up there because I have a big mouth.  Reilly came up with me and we won! Well there was no prize but it was fun.    

5/5 I can't believe how much the Coco movie has diturbed me.  I am thinking of going to see it again this weekend when I will inevitably be alone.  I think the content is so close to home. I identified with so much. I was so upset by it. I'm learning so much about myself and feel that I'm on the right path, to feeling better.  I have been blessed so much with wonderful people around me.  I'm so glad to have lari back, even if she is on the farm most of the time.  Just knowing she is there helps me. It is so good to have my sponsor, my psychologist, marie (who I see tonight) and nessa.  I can't believe how much support I have. I know you're not spiritual but I believe that someone is looking out for me.  She is looking for work and I saw her the past 2 weekends so I don't think I will see her this coming weeend. The flatmates don't factor in too often, but it is a lot to expect from boys.  At first they loved and hugged me and let me c

sigh.

I got wet this morning. I left my umbrella at work because I had too much to carry with my gym bag and handbag.  I almost didn't make it to my meeting but took the bus and then was loaned an umbrella by another member. I still think about you every day and wonder how long your month will be in actuality. Going to the gym has helped my mood overall.  That is a good thing.  The bad thing is these moments are fleeting and I inevitably end up crying at some point. The weekend of your birthday I have 2 big events, a wedding and a larita's bday party on her farm. I wonder if you will talk to me before then? I don't know. Somehow I doubt it.

If my life is a novel, I wonder if it will end up being a tragedy, a comedy or a horror?

You must not miss me at all if 5 weeks feels like 2 to you. I guess you're so busy celebrating your doctorate, and enjoying all of your free time. Maybe the girl who you were getting texts from when I was unable to walk after the car hit me has been able to send you messages again. Maybe you can turn your phone off silent. Sometimes I'm angry.  But mostly I am sad.  I listened to this sad song on my ipod over and over and over again on my way to work with tears in my eyes. This makes me feel it is time to change my ipod.  I've lost one of them again, so when I wipe the songs off the silver one it will all be on me to download and figure out how to do new ones. It is like I'm starting over in everything. After Lars went out to her bday party on sat night I went to see a movie by myself. I knew I wouldn't run into you at the Nova.  You detest art films so much.  And it was about Coco Chanel, even more reason you'd never go.  You were probably

5 weeks, 6 weeks, yes life goes on. On with the show. I don't have much time to write now but I have become more accepting. This is a good thing. I am aware that this is out of my control and my desire to control it is getting smaller. So you don't want to talk to me. I thought I couldn't live with that. But it looks like I have to.