livingforrecovery

I still haven't finished that section. I blame it on seeing myself in the story. The explanation of what happens to her and her desire for the shoes is similar to something I am experiencing now. The writer describes it as somewhat of a famine in her life. She was psychologically starving. Having something you need be missing from your life for a significantly long time is very detrimental to the decisions you make. I felt so fat yesterday. I had one of the worst self-image days I have had in a very long time. Everything contributed to it. I wanted to wear a jacket that is now too tight, it doesn't matter that when I bought it last winter it barely fit and I knew a half a kilo more would make it too small... I also felt every inch of my jeans pushing into my skin. I hate my legs and arms. Sometimes I want to cut strips off of my body. I don't like telling people these things. I think they will look at me and think what a crazy person I am. Does anyone else ever f

I am reading this book that is absolutely incredible that R. loaned to me during our very first session. It is called, Women Who Run With the Wolves - Contacting the Power of the Wild Woman . The author's doctorate is in ethono-clinical psychology, which is a study of both clinical psychology and ethnology, the latter emphasizing the study of the psychology of groups, tribes in paticular. The book is a collection of stories that elucidate the Wild Woman relationship. Although that all sounds like quite a mouthful, the book is very insightful. I am enjoying it so much. The title of today's entry is from the last story I just read. Once I finish the chapter I hopefully will write about it for you. On Friday I went out for drinks (surprise) and somehow ended up on the topic of me and my weight-loss efforts. A few people were completely take aback that I have weighed 100 kilos. We got around to talking about how I don't know what I weigh right now, but that I want to lo

What is it that is so irresistible about potato chips? I have done well this week except for freaking potato chips! Mr. ralph had some left over from his footy night on the weekend and I had to eat them. This is why I do not buy them. Having them in my house is just too hard for me. They're so crunchy, salty, mmm lovely. And you know what I despise? Chicken Flavour. There is a reason we do not have it in America. If we did there would be no skinny people at all in the US. I am looking forward to tonight. I am starting a Thai cooking class. Yes! If there is a way to make it healthy I will find it! Tuesday night I had a mind numbing session with R. She really knows how to shake me up and make me think about things I'd rather not think about. First it feels like I am having a cup of tea with a girlfriend and we are gossiping, next thing I know she turns it all around on me and it sucks! It really does. She gave me this writing exercise to do that I attempted yesterday be

Wow, how easy is it for me to get side-tracked? This week wasn't a very successful one where my weight is concerned. Who needs a scale to know when things aren't going right? I remember a time when I was obsessed with knowing how much I weigh, and now I am obsessed with not knowing. I did want to start tracking my calories last week, but I neglected to do it. I also fell back into having lots of excuses not to go walking. In my defense I spent most of the day yesterday lying down with a hot pack on my lower abdomen, because the Gods were laughing at me. Being a woman is not always a good thing. The pain is excruciating this time. I know there is something wrong with me, but my doctor can't find anything. I am really wondering if I should not just go see a gynecologist. The main thing holding me back is money. I had a great night on Friday night going out with a co-worker who is fast becoming my new best mate. She wanted to go out for dinner so we met up after wo