livingforrecovery

I know it seems that all I do lately is complain. I know that it is crazy to allow this rut to continue, but I feel like I've fallen in a hole and can't get out of it, and when I do, I somehow find my way back to it again. I've definitely been here before, I remember it very clearly. Back then the scale was stuck at around 87, not 67. What is the major problem? I lack the most essential ingredient needed to get my bum in gear, motivation. I feel bad that I am not at goal yet, but not bad enough to move my arse. So much is going on. I'm worried about my family, I'm worried about finances, I'm worried about my neck and worried that the new bulge may lead to another spinal fusion. I'm worried that work cover will not accept my new claim. I hate to be so up and down here and it even worries me that my readers see me floundering around with my commitment to getting to goal, but I don't want to stop writing here. This is my sanctuary. This is the one

What was I thinking? I don't think I can make it. I just spent over $60 on junk food for the Grand Final party we are going to today. Three kinds of cheese, pate, organic water crackers, cashews, almonds, dried apricots, new tappa's doritos (I have wanted to try them forEVER), mini pretzels, and pre-made potato salad because I feel lazy, oh also some dip. Can you believe how much this stuff costs? Unbelievable. And I think I went a little overboard. There is no way all of that crap is going to be eaten. Last night I bought my first pair of non-stretch jeans (that don't cut off my circulation) and are a size 11. That translates into a US size 9. The last time I was this size I was 15. But am I happy with myself? No. Last week was a good week. I had a great loss. This week was shit. I ate lots of bread, and succumbed to the demon that forces me to buy twisties at work. How the hell will I see goal by Christmas? I have no idea. But I know that something has got to

If you are a regular Michele reader I am borrowing this from her daily 3 things she did on the 17th because my answer is somewhat of a fascinating topic for me and am very curious what my readers will say. Please comment, even you lurkers! Name three commercials or advertisements that you have seen or heard, that actually made you want to buy the product or service: My answer: I hate to admitt this but I am the biggest SUCKER for advertising. I am brainwashed in mere seconds. I even eat fast food when recommended to me by my TV even though I normally steer clear of it and eat a healthy diet. I am an advertising giant's wetdream. That said, here are the latest: 1.Mcdonalds new fresh menu and their current campaign of "your inner child". I even sing the song. I've already been there and tried the new "healthy choices". 2. Cheerios. I didn't even know they had them here in Australia until the ad came on. I bought a box that weekend but this could also be

I have kept this number between me and mr. ralph, but last week I saw 68.8 kilos on the scale. This was depressing as you can imagine. Somehow even with a few minor hiccups (like mini pastries and pies at work) and a magnum for dessert last night, I lost 1.4 kilos and am back to 67.4. Amazing. I attribute this to the walking I did this week. I now have more confidence that goal by Christmas isn't unattainable after all. Have a happy weekend.

Halfway through I do switch gears and talk about weight-loss once again [begin political rant] Recently I went out with one of my aussie female friends on a night where she was meeting up with a guy she had met on one of the match websites. That night I did happen to partake in a few too many drinks due to the price of one of my favorite bottled beers being only $4 compared to $7 or even $8 in some places. The man she met happened to be very nice, and I enjoyed speaking to him, but he had a friend with him who was with a female the likes of which I refer to as "granola". You know the kind. I don't like to contribute to stereotypes, but I hope the term "granola" is not in the least offensive to any of my readers. I like; it is good with some honey and milk. Anyway to get to the point the man friend and ms. granola appeared to not like me and it became increasingly clear why. With every comment I made about anything they seem to have the exact opposite opinio

I have been thinking about weight-loss, I just haven't been doing anything about it. I feel fat. I feel disgustingly fat. I haven't weighed myself since last weekend when the number 68 glared up at me from my digital scale. Last night I drank beer and ate pizza while watching an AFL final. I don't want to see anything higher than that, and the truth is I'm just afraid. I've been drinking more, and generally just eating more. The stress of the past few weeks has really affected me and I don't know what is going on. I'm eating as a coping mechanism again. I don't know how to stop this train wreck. But I am thinking about it. I am. I just got off the telephone with my brother who is at wits end. He is stressed, tired, and angry. I'm sure he didn't mean to spend 30 minutes blowing off steam to me on the phone, but that is what he did. I'm sure he needed it. My parents are going back to their home this weekend and are going to live in

This picture is from MS, where you can see that hurricane Katrina knows no color. Because I love what she said, and what she is generating in comments please read this entry of Meg's. Also if you want to read local news about the MS Gulf Coast, go to this website . I haven't been able to speak to my Mom and Dad in a few days and this is driving me crazy. I got voice mail a few times and have sent emails to my brother, but I need to make sure my Dad calls his employer. Sigh. I also want to make sure my Mom has filed her insurance claim. I've also seen reports that there is an orgnaization putting thick plastic over damaged roofs in MS which will prevent further damage from rain etc. I can't get through! Also for those that are concerned about my cat, please see my response in the previous entry comments .

I wanted to update sooner, but things have been so crazy. I plan on writing my own tribute to New Orleans ... but maybe over the weekend. My sister has been emailing to let me know she is keeping watch over the old cat, and even though he is mad for being left alone he is still alive and well. Last email she wrote she told me how she gave him a walk outside and sat with him a while before she had to leave. I'm organizing a day at my work where we do a gold coin donation for The American Red Cross, because no one else has even thought about it. It is unbelievable. I can't believe how much the Aussies (at my work at least) donated to the Tsunami but with this they aren't even thinking... Also, some friends have approached me to donate directly to my family. I couldn't believe it, but WOW. Isn't that awesome? It may not be very much in the end, but it will buy them a week's worth of groceries I'm sure. I was also thinking of setting up a paypal account

This made me cry. Anne Rice in the New York Times , "Do You Know What It Means to Lose New Orleans? - New York Times" : WHAT do people really know about New Orleans? Do they take away with them an awareness that it has always been not only a great white metropolis but also a great black city, a city where African-Americans have come together again and again to form the strongest African-American culture in the land? The first literary magazine ever published in Louisiana was the work of black men, French-speaking poets and writers who brought together their work in three issues of a little book called L'Album Littéraire. That was in the 1840's, and by that time the city had a prosperous class of free black artisans, sculptors, businessmen, property owners, skilled laborers in all fields. Thousands of slaves lived on their own in the city, too, making a living at various jobs, and sending home a few dollars to their owners in the country at the end of the mon

I was just told in an email from my brother that my 16 year old cat has been left by my sister to "fend for himself," as she is leaving the area and did not choose to take him with her. I know he is too old to make it own his own as he has been living as a house cat for his entire life. At the moment he has arthritis and doesn't walk very well and he is going blind. My mother was keeping him alive by giving him his regular pain medicine and watching out for him. We were considering having a vet put him down a few weeks ago because my mom told me that he was urinating throughout the house and she wasn't sure if he would be better off dying now than having to suffer more health issues as he gets older. We had decided to put it off, but now I have to let him go because I know he won't survive this. I can't stop watching the news and wondering why all of the people have been left in New Orleans for so long without evacuation. It is difficult not to think it is

It makes me so angry how long it has taken for relief to get to those who need it most in the city of New Orleans. I have to agree with the Mayor on this one. I spoke to my family last night and it was such a relief to get through to them. They are all safe, and although I haven't spoken to my best friends that are in MS, my mom confirmed that they are okay. She spoke to my friend and said they are doing fine, but she may not have any food and was only able to buy a small amount to feed her kids because the store had sold out of everything. How can this be happening? She may not have any food? I'm sitting here in my selfish world wondering why I can't seem to push the scales down past 68 kilos when my best friends have probably gone days without a real meal to eat? Puts life in perspective. It is so hard to communicate how sad I am. My mother started crying the moment she heard my voice on the phone. She is in Baton Rouge staying with one of her sisters. She cannot stay in

Just when you think that things couldn't possibly get worse, they always do. Isn't that the way? I have been going out of my mind for the past few days because I cannot contact my friends and family. My Mother, Father, and niece sought shelter at my brother's house in Baton Rouge the day before the hurricane actually hit so they were very lucky to not be at their home when it did finally reach land and go east. My two best friends were still at home when I was able to speak to them in their early hours of the morning before the hurricane had caused any damage in their area. I spoke to my brother and my mom and they were fine, but since then the phone lines have been down and I have no idea what has happened to my friends or my sister. The whole thing is just massively depressing. From over here all I see is the places I called home under water, or destroyed. I don't know what else to say. If you can, please send money to help the victims of this horrific disaster.