livingforrecovery

Sometimes you just need to make a decision. I have come to the conclusion that all this navel gazing really isn't getting me anywhere. Weighed myself on Friday. 73 kilos. Wow. Holy Christ! That is 7 kilos above my lowest weight to date. This gaining has gotten totally out of hand. I have to take control now. I don't want to whinge and complain anymore about how shitty my life has been, how the problems of my past creep up and bite me in the ass, but the fact is it does happen. I was coasting along and then one day *BAM*. Eating right? Counting calories/kilojules? Exercising? All out the window. But today I went for a walk. I have decided that I know what I need to do. Eating right and exercising will benefit me in this fight for my sanity. I dont know why when I start to feel the doom and gloom I give up the very things that could in fact make me feel better. Go figure. I miss my friends, Beck , Airlie , Argy . I love you guys. And everyone else I really do app

I know it seems like I am avoiding you. It is not just that I don't want to write, it is that I don't want to deal with any of this. I don't know what I weigh. I think I may find out tomorrow, or not. I have been stressed out lately. Don't know if I am depressed or just meh. Sigh. The Australian Biggest Loser program isn't as good as the US one. I haven't seen very much that actually inspires me. A lot of bitching etc. It is pathetic. I liked the idea of the show because I thought it would be helpful for those with weight problems. I don't know that it is. Things are meh all over the place. My relationship with mr ralph also needs much attention. I feel like crap. I know I shouldn't wallow. I am sorry for wallowing. But I wanted to update you on how things are going. I also have a lot of pain right now in my neck/shoulders. I am beginning to see a pattern for when I feel bad and have stress and the amount of pain I have. I also haven't

I would also like to know. What is going on with me? I am in avoidance. I weighed myself today, and it probably wasn't a good idea since for dinner last night we ate salty hot chips and dim sims. So healthy! The salt alone could be a factor, but I am way up on the scale. I am not even going to share the # with you. Why am I like this? What is going on with me? I actually have been experiencing a slump, seeping back into depression. How is that possible when I have been taking my medication? I don't know. I have been avoiding all the things that are good for me. I have not been to the physio, I cancelled my appointment with R. this week. Maybe I did that because I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to say how horribly I am doing. I wish I could say that I am feeling positive that I can change this dark mood around, but I am not.

Not one little comment about how cute he is? :( My Buckley was in a fight this morning and he has a hurt ear, neck and leg. We had to take him to the vet for injections. The poor boy has a fever and is not well! He is just like a child to us so it was hard to hear him wailing and crying while the vet cleaned him up. She had to shave the spots so we could see how deep the scratches/bites were. I am still staying away from the scale. I want to rejoin Weight Watchers but haven't really made the effort to get myself to a meeting.

I just wanted to share this picture with everyone because sometimes you just need an excuse to smile. I am sending all my love and wonderful thoughts to Airlie. Airlie you are so beautiful inside and out, and if there is anything I can do for you right now, you know my phone #. I have lost yours though! My heart goes out to you.

Yesterday was the official day of my birth. What a wonderful day I had! When I woke up mr. ralph made me breakfast in bed. It was a healthy one too: wholegrain toast, poached egg and lean bacon. What a good boy! The he gave me his pressie, a gift certificte to a bead shop in the city markets. He knew I had the day off and it was the perfect gift. I spent a few hours there making that gorgeous necklace you see me wearing in the pic. After spending some time around the city I realised I hadn't had any lunch but knew I was getting a treat to go out for dinner. And boy was it ever a treat! After getting dressed up and getting in the taxi I saw the business card of the place (mr. ralph was trying to keep it secret) as he handed it to the driver. We went to the Lenzerheide . This was my 3rd time to eat there. Talk about fantastic! We both had their special soup for a starter. It is the most delish potato/bacon soup ever made. Then I had fish and mr. ralph had some kind of stu