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I've fallen and can't get up

If ever there was a day that I wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear from the world it is today.

At about 3 am this morning I had the worst pain imaginable in my chest and had to take one of the endone tablets I had left from my stay in the hospital after my surgery. I was lucky to have it since without it I doubt I could go to sleep.

This morning I awoke at 7:30 to find the pain had not subsided. My hunny left for his University office and I went online to visit a few blogs when the pain just kept getting worse.

I walked over to the physio nearby to find out if she takes workcover patients because I just didn't know what else to do. Calling the surgeon's office would prove futile I'm sure. She told me she would need a referral and her first available appointment was tomorrow at 3. I took the spot and then began my short walk home. I think I got about 4 steps away from the place before bursting out into tears. By the time I got back inside my house I was dripping snot from my nose. I think this cry was a long time coming.

I did the only other thing I could do by making an appointment at the doctor's office and their first available was 1:40, that was about a 3 hour wait.

As I sat here I couldn't stop crying so I called my mom who proceeded to freak out and tell me to go to the emergency room. I called mr ralph again and asked if he thought I should and we both agreed that going to the doctor first would be best and that I could ask the doctor if the emergency room was what I needed. I took my last endone and after calling back my mom with the plan I rested on my bed reading and finally napping until the appointment.

The doctor that was in today isn't the one I like, and I've had problems with him in the past, but he had to do. He told me that the problem is in my clavical joint and it is inflammed due to the exercise I've been doing after non-use for such a long time. He told me I needed to rest a few days and gave me a prescription for some pain meds as well as the referral I wanted for the physio. Just before I left though, he plunked the last nail in my coffin for today.

He asked, "Have you put on some weight?" After shaking my head no he said, "oh, you've never shown your arms before."

After sinking low in my chair I said, "I've actually lost weight." Then he made some weird comment about my neck brace making my head and neck appear bigger.

What a great way to kick me while I'm down I say. That was just what I needed! Another reason to feel crappy about myself and start loathing my arms again. I just became okay with wearing sleeveless shirts because of the heat and all the cool summer styles. Now this jerk-ass has ruined it for me.

After I left there I started crying again, and when I was telling the story to mr ralph I cried more.

I don't know how to bounce back from this one folks.

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