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What a morning

I love the sound of rain.

It is raining again this morning and although a walk would be nice, I know I need the break. I pushed myself hard yesterday even though it was only a 35 minute walk. I ended up with a terrible back ache for most of the day and had to resort to pain medication. I can't believe that my doctor's appointment is only 6 days away now. In a way I am full of relief and also scared. If I can't walk briskly for 35 minutes without resorting to meds, how do I expect him to tell me I am free to exercise more?

Talk about reality-based thinking.

This has got to be about listening to my body.

I weighed myself again. Consistently every day this week the scale has gone up 100 grams. On Monday it started as low as 73, and this morning it was 73.4. What am I doing to myself? I should stop doing this. Weigh-in is on Saturday and I should and NEED to leave it for Saturday.

Speaking of Saturday I am having take-out with friends. I am afraid because I don't really want a repeat of last week in which I double or triple my points for the day and then have to worry about it for a full week. I know it is up to me to make good choices and stick to what I plan. But I also want to unwind with alcoholic beverages. It is such a dilemma.

I finished the Dr. Phil book yesterday. I went through it so fast! Like lightening. I actually did his little assessments too, even though a lot of it wasn't exactly new ground to cover.

I know that I am weak in certain areas, especially in feeling like once I get to my goal weight I will be able to maintain it. But, again I think I have shown that I can do it by maintaining these large plateaus along the way. I think that when I quit Weight Watchers the last time keeping myself from buying bigger clothes was the hugest challenge. As soon as the clothes started to feel too tight I told myself I wasn't going to let that happen. I had come too far to go back down that road. And here I am, even closer to goal. This time I will become a lifetime member.

I put a voice to my goal last night by telling mr ralph that in 5 months time I want to be at goal. It is a very reasonable time-frame. I know that it is achievable. I really wanted to say I'd do it in 2 months, but I had to be honest with myself. Along the way there will be obstacles that I need to prepare myself for. So 5 months it is. I want to be held accountable. I will reach 63 kilos by the first week in April 2005.

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