Skip to main content

Is it raining where you are?

I didn't think I was going to make it through yesterday. I know it sounds crazy, and part of me realises I should be able to take control over my emotions better than this, but I couldn't.

I argued with mr ralph about why he didn't want to come to bed with me. He claims he said he'd be a few minutes and then when he came to bed I was passed out. Of course I was! But anyway I know that wasn't the real reason I was angry.

I still don't know what motivated this awfulness other than pms, and granted I get really bad mood swings sometimes, this one took the cake.

I even ate fast food yesterday knowing full well it will negatively affect my weightloss efforts for the week, and knowing I was doing it for comfort. Somewhere I read that knowing you are eating for comfort is half the battle! It didn't make me feel better knowing I enlisted food to help me deal with my bad day.

All I really wanted to do was be alone, but Sunday is family dinner day and I had to go. My mum in law has a spa bathtub so we always take baths on Sundays to enjoy it. I took an extra long time taking deep breaths and closing my eyes. It wasn't enough.

She knew something was wrong with me and kept asking. She takes it personally whenever anyone is in a bad mood. I just did not feel like pretending to be happy. Because she kept bugging me I told her that I have my period and I still don't think she got it. I just wanted to be left alone to brood if I wanted to.

I was going to go for a walk just now but it started raining. The wind is pretty bad and it looks like the rain will come and go today. I really need to walk not only for exercise, but for sanity. I need to be able to think through this ugliness sitting on me. I don't need to have a setback.

I hope everyone else had better weekends.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A trip down memory lane

Hello to all of you all of you coming via Michele , thanks for stopping by and I only hope it was worth the trip over. I began reading through the questions on the Slimmer of The Year application today. Of course there are so many things I want to include, but I can't possibly write everything I want to or they will be getting a novel. When I started thinking of how long I have been overweight and the reasons I struggled for so long with food and weight issues a lot of memories came back to me. I've been challanged by my weight for most of my life. Granted some of that time I only thought I was fat when I really wasn't. The point is that I have been fat inside my head for as long as I can remember. One of the most shameful and embarrassing moments was when I was 15 and some of the boys in my class thought it was funny to sing "thunder, thunder, thunder thighs hooooooo!" when they saw me coming to the tune of the cartoon "Thunder Cats." That experie...
20 comments
Read more

Life happens

I wish I could tell you guys that everything is on track and that the reason I have not been writing is because life has just been too good. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Winter is generally a crap time of year for me. I thought that this one I could get a handle on it and not have it get the best of me. I was wrong. Exercise? Who me? Eat healthy? Um no. Last night I wanted chips so mr. ralph went out at midnight and got us chips and dip and we sat in our pj's watching the England and Portugal quarter final stuffing our faces. Am I painting a pretty picture? For the most part I eat well. I do. I do not stock my house with these kinds of foods. I have learned that because I am an emotional eater, it is better if I don't. But mr. ralph is too easy. Where I won't go out and buy something at midnight, if I ask him too he will go for me. Yes, I do believe we are in a co-dependent relationship, even where food is concerned. We both eat when we feel emotional....
4 comments
Read more

Unbelievable results

You may have noticed that I changed the 70 to the left to 71. I don't know how it happened, but I actually gained weight this week. What is happening to me? I don't know what is going on, but the scale did say 71 two days in a row. Yes, I am at the end of my TOM and that could contribute to some of it, but a whole kilo? I looked at my calorie count from this week and I went over 1500 only 2 days, Friday and Saturday. Although I did much better this weekend than last, I still struggled with eating more on my off days than during the week. Another reason I had a horrific week was the heat. We had 4 days of over 40C in a row. Now that is just wrong. I can't handle heat very well. I did go for a walk on Saturday and when I came home thought I was going to die from heat exhaustion. Not good at all. I almost declared this week a no-weigh week due to my TOM but have decided to take it as it comes. So I weigh 71 today. Excuse my language but that number really scares the ...
15 comments
Read more