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Is it raining where you are?

I didn't think I was going to make it through yesterday. I know it sounds crazy, and part of me realises I should be able to take control over my emotions better than this, but I couldn't.

I argued with mr ralph about why he didn't want to come to bed with me. He claims he said he'd be a few minutes and then when he came to bed I was passed out. Of course I was! But anyway I know that wasn't the real reason I was angry.

I still don't know what motivated this awfulness other than pms, and granted I get really bad mood swings sometimes, this one took the cake.

I even ate fast food yesterday knowing full well it will negatively affect my weightloss efforts for the week, and knowing I was doing it for comfort. Somewhere I read that knowing you are eating for comfort is half the battle! It didn't make me feel better knowing I enlisted food to help me deal with my bad day.

All I really wanted to do was be alone, but Sunday is family dinner day and I had to go. My mum in law has a spa bathtub so we always take baths on Sundays to enjoy it. I took an extra long time taking deep breaths and closing my eyes. It wasn't enough.

She knew something was wrong with me and kept asking. She takes it personally whenever anyone is in a bad mood. I just did not feel like pretending to be happy. Because she kept bugging me I told her that I have my period and I still don't think she got it. I just wanted to be left alone to brood if I wanted to.

I was going to go for a walk just now but it started raining. The wind is pretty bad and it looks like the rain will come and go today. I really need to walk not only for exercise, but for sanity. I need to be able to think through this ugliness sitting on me. I don't need to have a setback.

I hope everyone else had better weekends.

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