livingforrecovery

Every new year for most of my life has been about making new plans to lose weight. I make a pact, write a contract, buy a book, join a weight-loss club, or all of the above. I do it hard and I do it with gusto for at least 2-3 weeks before it starts to crack and fade. I can't say I've never been successful with my attempts to lose weight, because that would be a lie. I've lost just over 30 kilos and actually kept it off. I still have 5 kilos to lose before I'm in my normal weight bracket, and 10 before I will feel satisfied with myself. The past year has been a very difficult one in the life of ms. ralph. If you read here then I don't have to tell you about it. Let's just say that I'm lucky I didn't gain back the 30 kilos and then some. I've faced a lot of crap and although I've been stuck somewhere between 66-69 kilos for the better part of the year, I consider myself very lucky. I just read an entry written by Airlie , one of the most op...

Hello everyone. Hope you all had a great Christmas. I know I did. Did I eat a lot? Oh yes I did! Did I have a great time? But of course. I'm kicking mr. guilt in the head right now. I haven't written in a while because I've been doing a lot of thinking. I know, that can be quite scary, but this has been the good kind. I'd like to dedicate today's entry to a special man, my husband's late father who died today 2 years ago. I could fill thousands of pages with a tribute to what a great man he was, and how much he was loved by everyone. But today I simply want to remind everyone to celebrate the ones you love while they are here. Also, remember to be true to yourself, be true to your word, and be true to your friends. It is a very sad thing when a friend betrays a friend. There are wounds that are almost impossible to heal. This entry is a testament to living. I have for so long been too forgiving and allowed poisionous people ro hurt me because I...

Where do I begin? We are now in the final stretch before Christmas and I'm feeling the stress. I have to be perfectly honest with all of you regarding my food and my weight. I don't even know how much I weigh because I am terrified of the scale. I don't think I've gained very much because I can still wear the same clothes, but I know that I'm not doing well. Mr. ralph and I have had a lot of Christmas dinner parties and still more to go. I've drunk a lot of alcohol and ate a lot of food! I didn't even care. We also went to Tassy for a conference that mr. ralph was a part of, and you know how eating is on holiday. This week isn't going to be any better either. I've committed myself to making chocolate chip cookies to sell, and I've got things to do almost every night this week. Oh and needless to say I haven't done my Christmas shopping either. We have a few items but the majority of the shopping will of course be last minute. The b...

Here are a few of the good photos taken from my work Christmas party.

Tonight I had my psych appointment, but instead of 7 it was set to be 7:30 because I had to work later. I had to catch the bus and hurry to get to the appointment on time, and as I was starving I tried to eat an order of wedges (I know not the best choice) and I burnt my tongue trying to eat them fast as well as only finishing about 1/4 of them. I gave the remaining very hot, very fresh wedges to a couple that were just sitting down waiting on their food so they wouldn't throw them away. I rush myself over to her house where she holds the appointments and there is a card on the door with my name on it. What? So I open it and inside is 3 $10 dollar notes and a scrawled message that says: Thanks for letting me take R. away from you tonight, it is a very important function. Here is the money for your taxi fare. signed J. Again, What? I was so not impressed. I had just given away food! Arrgh. I had worried I would be late even. So I caught a taxi home and then had to ring and can...

Today I had so many cravings. On the way to work I couldn't stop thinking about Krispy Kreme donuts and this place in Albuquerque that sold these huge cinnamon buns covered in butter. Mmmmm. So when I got to work instead of eating my bran cereal like a good little girl I got a chocolate covered donut. I figured since I wanted it so bad I had better listen to my craving. Now I want chocolate! Go figure. I wore jeans to work today because it is a casual day and the ones I choose are size AU12 but are falling off of me. It makes me feel skinny to wear them. At work, a colleague that knows a little about my situation with my injury said to me that she has noticed over the last few day I seem to be more cheerful and have a spring in my step. It has been exactly one month on the pr0zac, and I have to agree there has been MUCH improvement. Hallelujah.

It can happen to you! Thank you so much for all the wonderful comments on the pictures of me in my dress. That dress has held me mesmerized since the very moment I saw it. Although you can't tell it in the pictures I poured myself into it and it fit like a glove. What you can't see is the very bottom as it was floor length even with platform Steve Madden's on! I had to wear the highest heels I have, and no one could even see them. I have to say that I felt so beautiful with it on, the feeling was only second to my wedding day. The way the bottom of the dress floats when I walk is just so girly and pretty. The night was very fun. The turn out from my office wasn't huge, most of the people there were strangers to me, but I was feeling so good I made it a great time anyway. I introduced mr. ralph to my big boss (3 levels up) and his wife. After that they came up to us and asked us to dance! Mr. ralph was dancing! And he was doing a great job. They were giving awa...

And here it is! So what do you think eh?

Dinner tonight is mixed nuts and frontinac. Mmmm! Yummy too. I survived this week at work, just barely. Finally my team leader has decided to be super supportive and has been giving me a lot of off the phone work. It has helped, some . I don't really think I need to tell most of you this, but the answer to my problem isn't really as simple as finding another job. I wish it was, but I don't plan on living here forever and I am on workcover. It is complicated. End of story. I will work where I do until I move. I will take each day as it comes. And of course I will bitch about it here, because I can. I also can't simply turn on and off my emotions by telling myself I should be positive. It would be terrific if it worked that way, but because I am human I will continue feeling the way I do until something actually changes inside me. There have been a few changes. Most of them are good. I have lost a small amount of weight. I think I weigh around 67 kilos. I...

On the way home from work I saw a girl with the figure I want, but will never have. She was young; I think probably around 16 or 17. She was tall with lean legs and she was wearing a pair of trendy short shorts with a t-shirt. She also had amazingly perfect large breasts. I admittedly stared for a moment at her because she didn't have one single blemish. She is so beautiful. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about how I will never be that thin, I will probably never wear short shorts, and I definitely will never have those boobs. I wish I didn't look longingly at the things other people have and envy them, but I do. But I don't think I am the only one.

I just received an email from my friend basically telling me she believes I am sorry for what I wrote, but has decided that she wants a break from our friendship. She feels really positive right now and is sorry that I am "down in the dumps," and wishes me the best. Down in the dumps? I'm trying to understand her actions by telling myself that she simply does not understand depression or how it affects people. I will be okay. I will make it through this because I have mr. ralph, and he is the most amazing man in the world. He will never leave me. I wanted to write about this, but now I don't really know what else to say. I miss my home and my family so much right now.

I feel like I am living in a real life nightmare and any minute now I will wake up and discover that it was just a bad dream. I am still digesting what happened to me yesterday, so bear with me. I had the day off and was set to go into the city to pick up the brown dress off of lay-by and purchase some beads to make one of my dear friends a necklace when I stood up from the couch and had a very bad pain shoot from my lower back downward. I walked a few steps to see if it would pass and it did not. I ended up on my bed in tears because every move I made ended in searing pain. Mr. ralph rang my physio who sent one of her colleagues to my house for a home visit because the pain was so bad I could barely move. This was the first pain I've ever really felt in my lower back so I was very shocked and couldn't believe how bad it was. She stayed for a while to determine where the pain was originating from but it was too difficult because it felt too general and what I really needed ...

I just returned from the psychologist, who from now on I will refer to as R. I have to write now while it is all still fresh. So many ideas are swirling around. I've forgotten how insightful and amazing it is to have this time to talk without worrying about what the other person is thinking. And did I ever talk. There were a few themes, one of them being my friend that I upset by writing about her on here. I've been feeling so bad about hurting her and in talking about it with R. I realize how much I project the way I would feel onto other people. I assume that she feels exactly the same way I would in the same situation, but of course my friend is her own person. When I talked about my friend with R. all of the things I love about her were revealed and I also realized I probably have never told her these things. One of the main things that drew me to her as a friend is her confidence; I love how she feels secure and sexy and wears and basically says anything she feels ...

I have to think this is true. It has got to get better than this. Yesterday I received an anoymous comment from one of my real life friends because something I said on here about her offended her. I was devastated. After re-reading what I wrote I knew that if it were me I would have felt exactly the same way she does. I've apologised and tried making ammends but she is still mad at me, as she has every right to be. I haven't been the best friend I could be in the past few months. I've sunk into depression and in the course of that have avoided everyone I know. I haven't wanted to talk about it, I haven't wanted to do anything. Above all I haven't been interested or involved in anyone elses life. To put it simply I have been very selfish. Navel gasing is not attractive. Today I had to see one of my physiotherapist's collegues because she was booked out for the week and I was an emotional wreck for the whole thing. As I was leaving my normal physio s...

Yesterday was probably one of the lowest days emotionally that I have had in a long time. It wasn't that the lawyer made me feel bad, but talking about my health with her made it painfully clear that I am going to be like this for the rest of my life. Usually people develop degenerative neck disease when they are seniors. I am the lucky one that has it at the age of 30. After I walked around the city for a while, and put some cash down on the brown dress I went home and crawled into my bed. I can report that the pr0zac isn't really helping. Plus I broke one of the rules by drinking an entire bottle of wine last night.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with a lawyer to discuss my workcover situation. For some reason this scares me, but I'm not sure why. Maybe because the future is on shaky ground? All I know is I'm frightened. Today I went in to work to get some of my workcover documents because I'm meant to take everything with me to the lawyer's office tomorrow and I asked my team leader if I could copy some of the reports they have that I may be missing. I didn't tell him why, but he seemed strange about it and told me he would do it and post them to me. Doesn't really help me for tomorrow though. I weighed myself for curiosity sake this morning and discovered that I am down to 67.6. This is good. The major side effect I am experiencing since taking pr0zac (today was day 4) is I am not very hungry. I didn't eat dinner last night but I thought it was mainly because I ate breakfast at 12pm and then lunch around 3:30pm. At dinner time I wasn't hungry and I had a b...

This is my new favorite website. Updated every Sunday. Check it out. This is my first day off. My GP gave me a week. I only hope that it will be enough. The main thing that is worrying me is I don't think I should continue working there at all, but I can't afford to quit. So what am I doing today? Watching The Simpsons. I woke up around 8 and called work to let them know that I wouldn't be coming in today, or for the rest of the week. I emailed my team leader to explain in more detail and left my phone # for him if he wanted to call me. Then I took some pain pills and went back to sleep. I didn't think I could fall back asleep but I eventually did and I slept until noon. My team leader did call but only to tell me he wants me to feel better and they (work) only want to help me. This is somewhat hard for me to believe, but whatever. I'm on my 3rd day of 20mg of pr0zac. I don't think they start to make a difference until around day 4 and real effects do...

I should have known or seen the signs, but I was in denial. I made an appointment to see a psychologist last week because I knew deep down that things have not been right since the beginning of my new injury. One might say it was the beginning of the end. I haven't been able to get control of my eating or exercise, I haven't been interested in seeing my friends, I haven't been interested in sex, or much of anything at all. I've been completely exhausted and work takes all of my energy. I have lots of pain and live day to day wondering what the next one will bring. I've cried a lot more than usual as well. You could say I am overwhelmed, but what you should say is I am depressed. I didn't want it to be true, but sadly it is. The psychologist was shocked that I am working full time hours. She had me do a psychological assessment. I will see the results on Tuesday. She is going to send my GP a letter regarding my mental health and I will be seeing her on S...

I was feeling better today, haven't spoken much to mr. ralph, but he did go to work so we shall see... I frocked up for a work competiton because today was Melbourne Cup Day. What do you think of my self-designed hat? And here is the outfit, funky eh?

Last night I made these delish chicken burgers. Mr. ralph and I enjoyed them immensely. But today.... we are both sick. I won't make you suffer the gory details, but it looks like we may have had some minor food poisioning. I came home from work early due to stomach cramps and an urgent need for the toilet. Doing that at work in a ladies toilet with 10 stalls is not my idea of a great day at the office. I really don't know if the chicken was off because it didn't smell, and it didn't taste off. I guess I could have undercooked it. Please think good thoughts for mr. ralph as he seems to be suffering the brunt of it and thinks I tried to poison him for real! No seriously he doesn't think that, but we are not well.

To those of you who took offense by my last entry: Please do not assume that I think all Australian doctor's are bad. You are wrong. I love my normal GP, even though she only works 3 half days a week and is almost always booked up. A few weeks ago after seeing her I had flowers sent to her because she is simply one of the most amazing people I've ever met. She beats any doctor I've ever seen, in any country hands down. She is a beautiful person. It would not matter what country I live in, or even what nationality the doctor's I am seeing are. Workcover has only chosen one for me by the way, and it shouldn't matter about that either. I am a person. I should be treated with dignity and respect like any other person. I happen to live in Ausrailia so pardon me for drawing on that experience when writing about the doctor's I've seen. It is a little difficult not to since it just so happens to be where I live for now. And my experiences with doctors her...

First of all, my weight is a bit up at the moment. We are not at all surprised by this at your humble narrators house. You see I am on volt@ren again and this causes despicable water retention. I've also discovered a new food love, couscous. I'm sure it can be good for you in small quantities, but that is another story. Also yesterday the stresses of this week forced me to eat a doughnut. Forced me I tell you! Basically work is shit. We're experiencing extremely high call volumes and at the same time one of our systems keeps crashing every half hour. It sucks. I am tired and cranky, and I have a very sore left shoulder. But the bit that takes the cake is this, on Wednesday morning I went to see a surgeon hand picked for me by my insurance company because they wanted me to have an independent assessment. I was told to take my films and be there for an appointment at 9am. I am notorious for never being late, in fact most of the time I am early for everything includin...

My new name for Back to Basics is now Operation Christmas Parties Mr. ralph and I have 4 Christmas parties between our work gatherings and social engagements to go to this year. I of course want to wear the dress as previously mentioned to at least one or two of these events. It doesn't fit right now. My mission is clear. I will look great for Christmas! Okay so the battle of the bloat was successful. I drank heaps of water on Friday and ended up with a good result on the scale. Saturday being my official weigh-in day saw me at 68 kilos on the dot! That was a whopping 800 gram loss for the week. Not to shabby I might add. This week I am aiming for nothing less than a one kilo or more loss. The plan is to be a bit more restrictive. I have already written out my meal plan for the week and am going to the grocery store when I get through with this entry to buy all the food for the week. I've planned a bit under my point allowance because I will probably add a few snacks...

Normally I'd take today's weight gain in stride because it would be my fault really, but this week I've been trying. I haven't done all that well, but I've not done that bad either. Or so I thought. I did weigh myself yesterday as well though, and was pretty happy that I had appeared to have lost 200 grams. But today, it is the opposite and I've instead gained 300. In the spirit of The Simpsons, Wha??? I think it may be just my body ballooning up. I'm experiencing a lot of agony lately, I feel the neck and shoulder muscles swelling and I have had to take some pain medication with codeine. We all know codeine is the dieters enemy. Tomorrow's weight reading may be different, I sure freaking hope so. I can't believe the scale is back to 69.2. I can't be 69 kilos. I cannot let that happen. In my head 68 has been the ceiling, because 69 is just too close to 70. I know it is weird, but subconsciously this is what I've been thinking about...

So I started with great intentions, but Sunday wasn't as great a day as I would hope for day 1. I did keep my food journal and that is a plus! I also didn't eat junk food. Monday was much better although I felt subconsiously hungry all day. I allowed myself one treat at night, some low-fat icecream (one serve). Exercise hasn't really happened yet, but I keep thinking about that dress. I have just about a month to get some weight moving so I can wear it. I desperately want to wear it so I can have a unique dress that no one else has! I love the colours and the way it flows. It really is pretty, the light in my picture doesn't do it justice. I also wanted to add that I never meant to infer that everyone who seeks gastric bypass is lazy and seeking surgery for a weight-loss cure all. Please don't take my comments to mean that. I just think that it is becomming too common-place in our society and something we should think about.

Why haven't I posted all week? Well I've been pretty much the same. Nothing has changed in the last week. I still eat half healthy food, half crap food. I still probably weigh around 68 kilos (I haven't weighed because I was on my period this week). I still haven't been back to any Weight Watchers meetings. I'm actually starting to feel fat in some of my clothes, because some of them were bought when I was down to 65 kilos. And yesterday I tried on a pair of jeans that were too tight when I was out shopping and thought a lot about this last 5 kilos. Also, I ate KFC for dinner last night, so obviously I didn't think hard enough. Then I watched the Oprah special with Kirstie Alley... On Oprah after Kirstie Alley did her promo for Jenny Craig(tm) , Oprah had a woman on who had gastric bypass and lost over 300 pounds. They showed these images of all of her hanging skin that had to be removed. She had already been through 5 surgical procedures and had someth...

So lately I've been feeling under the weather. At first it was a sore throat that led to coughing, and now the coughing has almost subsided but the sore throat has returned. I went to the doctor last week and was told that I probably had a virus. I didn't take any antibiotics because I didn't have any symptoms (except the swollen glands) that led me to believe I had an infection of any kind. This weekend my shoulders and neck started to ache and not in the usual spot on the left side which is normally due to exertion and the bulging disc, but this time I'm mostly sore on the right side. What worries me is I have no idea what is causing this. Also I've had some rather unusual bowel habits at even in this forum is a little personal to discuss. So now I have a sore throat, sore shoulders and neck, and I have a severe upset stomach. How wonderful! Want to know something that boggles my mind the most? Somehow I managed to drop a kilo last week without even trying. ...

Okay. I do get the point. I know it may seem silly for me to keep hammering on about the same 5-6 kilos I have left to loose, when you see pictures that clearly demonstrate that I do not look like a girl that should be on a diet. I love you honestyrain , I really do. You're one of my top 5 favorite bloggers. Your comment yesterday meant a lot to me because I know why you wrote it, and I know you meant well, but the truth is this is not about being on a diet. It is about reaching goal. When I started out on this journey so very long ago at 105 kilos I made the goal to be 63 kilos. If I stop now what kind of person would I be? I can't stop. I have to reach my goal because it is what I set out to do. I know that being 68 kilos isn't that bad, and I can look in the mirror, take pictures, where fitted shirts, wear belts, and sleeveless shirts without any embarrassment. But I am still not at goal. I know it is just a number. It isn't the end all be all of my existen...

I still haven't got my shit together, but that probably doesn't come as a big surprise. I spend half my time counting WW points and the other half just eating whatever the hell I want. This is what in the south one would call a "half-assed" diet attempt. I believe Beckie to be right on the money. I don't see a payoff, at least not an immediate one. I had a look at some photos taken of myself yesterday. The truth is the only part of my body I cringe when I look at is my arms. I actually wish I could do some weight training on them, but I can't. The problems with my spine in my neck prevent me from doing anything. If I keep up my regular strength exercises given to me by my physio, I will eventually get to where I can, but I don't think it will be in time for sculpted arms this summer . I also wish I could start skipping again. I miss it. But I can't do anything like that, I can't even jog. It sucks. Walking just doesn't get the hear...

I know it seems that all I do lately is complain. I know that it is crazy to allow this rut to continue, but I feel like I've fallen in a hole and can't get out of it, and when I do, I somehow find my way back to it again. I've definitely been here before, I remember it very clearly. Back then the scale was stuck at around 87, not 67. What is the major problem? I lack the most essential ingredient needed to get my bum in gear, motivation. I feel bad that I am not at goal yet, but not bad enough to move my arse. So much is going on. I'm worried about my family, I'm worried about finances, I'm worried about my neck and worried that the new bulge may lead to another spinal fusion. I'm worried that work cover will not accept my new claim. I hate to be so up and down here and it even worries me that my readers see me floundering around with my commitment to getting to goal, but I don't want to stop writing here. This is my sanctuary. This is the one ...

What was I thinking? I don't think I can make it. I just spent over $60 on junk food for the Grand Final party we are going to today. Three kinds of cheese, pate, organic water crackers, cashews, almonds, dried apricots, new tappa's doritos (I have wanted to try them forEVER), mini pretzels, and pre-made potato salad because I feel lazy, oh also some dip. Can you believe how much this stuff costs? Unbelievable. And I think I went a little overboard. There is no way all of that crap is going to be eaten. Last night I bought my first pair of non-stretch jeans (that don't cut off my circulation) and are a size 11. That translates into a US size 9. The last time I was this size I was 15. But am I happy with myself? No. Last week was a good week. I had a great loss. This week was shit. I ate lots of bread, and succumbed to the demon that forces me to buy twisties at work. How the hell will I see goal by Christmas? I have no idea. But I know that something has got to...

If you are a regular Michele reader I am borrowing this from her daily 3 things she did on the 17th because my answer is somewhat of a fascinating topic for me and am very curious what my readers will say. Please comment, even you lurkers! Name three commercials or advertisements that you have seen or heard, that actually made you want to buy the product or service: My answer: I hate to admitt this but I am the biggest SUCKER for advertising. I am brainwashed in mere seconds. I even eat fast food when recommended to me by my TV even though I normally steer clear of it and eat a healthy diet. I am an advertising giant's wetdream. That said, here are the latest: 1.Mcdonalds new fresh menu and their current campaign of "your inner child". I even sing the song. I've already been there and tried the new "healthy choices". 2. Cheerios. I didn't even know they had them here in Australia until the ad came on. I bought a box that weekend but this could also be...

I have kept this number between me and mr. ralph, but last week I saw 68.8 kilos on the scale. This was depressing as you can imagine. Somehow even with a few minor hiccups (like mini pastries and pies at work) and a magnum for dessert last night, I lost 1.4 kilos and am back to 67.4. Amazing. I attribute this to the walking I did this week. I now have more confidence that goal by Christmas isn't unattainable after all. Have a happy weekend.

Halfway through I do switch gears and talk about weight-loss once again [begin political rant] Recently I went out with one of my aussie female friends on a night where she was meeting up with a guy she had met on one of the match websites. That night I did happen to partake in a few too many drinks due to the price of one of my favorite bottled beers being only $4 compared to $7 or even $8 in some places. The man she met happened to be very nice, and I enjoyed speaking to him, but he had a friend with him who was with a female the likes of which I refer to as "granola". You know the kind. I don't like to contribute to stereotypes, but I hope the term "granola" is not in the least offensive to any of my readers. I like; it is good with some honey and milk. Anyway to get to the point the man friend and ms. granola appeared to not like me and it became increasingly clear why. With every comment I made about anything they seem to have the exact opposite opinio...

I have been thinking about weight-loss, I just haven't been doing anything about it. I feel fat. I feel disgustingly fat. I haven't weighed myself since last weekend when the number 68 glared up at me from my digital scale. Last night I drank beer and ate pizza while watching an AFL final. I don't want to see anything higher than that, and the truth is I'm just afraid. I've been drinking more, and generally just eating more. The stress of the past few weeks has really affected me and I don't know what is going on. I'm eating as a coping mechanism again. I don't know how to stop this train wreck. But I am thinking about it. I am. I just got off the telephone with my brother who is at wits end. He is stressed, tired, and angry. I'm sure he didn't mean to spend 30 minutes blowing off steam to me on the phone, but that is what he did. I'm sure he needed it. My parents are going back to their home this weekend and are going to live in ...

This picture is from MS, where you can see that hurricane Katrina knows no color. Because I love what she said, and what she is generating in comments please read this entry of Meg's. Also if you want to read local news about the MS Gulf Coast, go to this website . I haven't been able to speak to my Mom and Dad in a few days and this is driving me crazy. I got voice mail a few times and have sent emails to my brother, but I need to make sure my Dad calls his employer. Sigh. I also want to make sure my Mom has filed her insurance claim. I've also seen reports that there is an orgnaization putting thick plastic over damaged roofs in MS which will prevent further damage from rain etc. I can't get through! Also for those that are concerned about my cat, please see my response in the previous entry comments .

I wanted to update sooner, but things have been so crazy. I plan on writing my own tribute to New Orleans ... but maybe over the weekend. My sister has been emailing to let me know she is keeping watch over the old cat, and even though he is mad for being left alone he is still alive and well. Last email she wrote she told me how she gave him a walk outside and sat with him a while before she had to leave. I'm organizing a day at my work where we do a gold coin donation for The American Red Cross, because no one else has even thought about it. It is unbelievable. I can't believe how much the Aussies (at my work at least) donated to the Tsunami but with this they aren't even thinking... Also, some friends have approached me to donate directly to my family. I couldn't believe it, but WOW. Isn't that awesome? It may not be very much in the end, but it will buy them a week's worth of groceries I'm sure. I was also thinking of setting up a paypal account ...

This made me cry. Anne Rice in the New York Times , "Do You Know What It Means to Lose New Orleans? - New York Times" : WHAT do people really know about New Orleans? Do they take away with them an awareness that it has always been not only a great white metropolis but also a great black city, a city where African-Americans have come together again and again to form the strongest African-American culture in the land? The first literary magazine ever published in Louisiana was the work of black men, French-speaking poets and writers who brought together their work in three issues of a little book called L'Album Littéraire. That was in the 1840's, and by that time the city had a prosperous class of free black artisans, sculptors, businessmen, property owners, skilled laborers in all fields. Thousands of slaves lived on their own in the city, too, making a living at various jobs, and sending home a few dollars to their owners in the country at the end of the mon...

I was just told in an email from my brother that my 16 year old cat has been left by my sister to "fend for himself," as she is leaving the area and did not choose to take him with her. I know he is too old to make it own his own as he has been living as a house cat for his entire life. At the moment he has arthritis and doesn't walk very well and he is going blind. My mother was keeping him alive by giving him his regular pain medicine and watching out for him. We were considering having a vet put him down a few weeks ago because my mom told me that he was urinating throughout the house and she wasn't sure if he would be better off dying now than having to suffer more health issues as he gets older. We had decided to put it off, but now I have to let him go because I know he won't survive this. I can't stop watching the news and wondering why all of the people have been left in New Orleans for so long without evacuation. It is difficult not to think it is ...

It makes me so angry how long it has taken for relief to get to those who need it most in the city of New Orleans. I have to agree with the Mayor on this one. I spoke to my family last night and it was such a relief to get through to them. They are all safe, and although I haven't spoken to my best friends that are in MS, my mom confirmed that they are okay. She spoke to my friend and said they are doing fine, but she may not have any food and was only able to buy a small amount to feed her kids because the store had sold out of everything. How can this be happening? She may not have any food? I'm sitting here in my selfish world wondering why I can't seem to push the scales down past 68 kilos when my best friends have probably gone days without a real meal to eat? Puts life in perspective. It is so hard to communicate how sad I am. My mother started crying the moment she heard my voice on the phone. She is in Baton Rouge staying with one of her sisters. She cannot stay in...

Just when you think that things couldn't possibly get worse, they always do. Isn't that the way? I have been going out of my mind for the past few days because I cannot contact my friends and family. My Mother, Father, and niece sought shelter at my brother's house in Baton Rouge the day before the hurricane actually hit so they were very lucky to not be at their home when it did finally reach land and go east. My two best friends were still at home when I was able to speak to them in their early hours of the morning before the hurricane had caused any damage in their area. I spoke to my brother and my mom and they were fine, but since then the phone lines have been down and I have no idea what has happened to my friends or my sister. The whole thing is just massively depressing. From over here all I see is the places I called home under water, or destroyed. I don't know what else to say. If you can, please send money to help the victims of this horrific disaster.

I weighed myself on Saturday morning at home. I didn't go to ww. Why? I just didn't feel like it. I know that I should have, but I didn't. I know they will accept me back next week. I was 66.8, which if you see to the right is 600 grams lighter than my last weigh-in, but that was almost 3 weeks ago. So I'm not doing that great on the weight loss scene. I am not surprised given the amount of drama that has been going on in my life. I did eat like crazy yesterday, but I also went to a Mexican dinner party and haven't eaten at a dinner party in so long I thought why not? There was nothing healthy to eat, and I didn't care either. I know that I'll be okay, even if I gain again. I know where I want to go. I know I will eventually get there. I know summer is on its way and as the warmer days start to pour in, I will get the exercise bug again. I know that when I contemplate short pants and tank tops and bathing suits that my mind will once again be 100% focused on...