I feel like I am living in a real life nightmare and any minute now I will wake up and discover that it was just a bad dream.
I am still digesting what happened to me yesterday, so bear with me.
I had the day off and was set to go into the city to pick up the brown dress off of lay-by and purchase some beads to make one of my dear friends a necklace when I stood up from the couch and had a very bad pain shoot from my lower back downward. I walked a few steps to see if it would pass and it did not. I ended up on my bed in tears because every move I made ended in searing pain.
Mr. ralph rang my physio who sent one of her colleagues to my house for a home visit because the pain was so bad I could barely move.
This was the first pain I've ever really felt in my lower back so I was very shocked and couldn't believe how bad it was. She stayed for a while to determine where the pain was originating from but it was too difficult because it felt too general and what I really needed was some pain medicine. She ended up speaking to my GP who saw me in the afternoon and ordered some CT scans of my lower back.
I spent almost the entire day yesterday lying down on my back or my side because that was the most comfortable position. This Today when I woke up the pain was significantly less, but still present.
The CT scan revealed that my bottom two discs are bulging, the lowest one being the worst of the two. This my GP said was probably aggravated by the way I sat and then stood up suddenly. I don't even remember sitting twisted or anything!
She thinks that I must have done a lot of heavy lifting to have this type of damage. All I can think of is the job I had working for the Uni bakery in Albuquerque NM where I had to do lifting.
Sigh.
I've had to have today and tomorrow off of work and I will see my doctor again on Saturday to see if I can return on Monday.
I cried for about 3 hours straight while I was waiting to go to the doctor on Wednesday. I cannot seem to understand why this is happening to me, no matter how hard I try.
I know that there are people who have a lot more to suffer than I do, but I am trying to deal with what is happening to me the very best way I can.
So now what?
I have pain to deal with from my neck and my lower back. Do you ever feel like God is mocking you? I have to say, this is how I feel right now.
I am still digesting what happened to me yesterday, so bear with me.
I had the day off and was set to go into the city to pick up the brown dress off of lay-by and purchase some beads to make one of my dear friends a necklace when I stood up from the couch and had a very bad pain shoot from my lower back downward. I walked a few steps to see if it would pass and it did not. I ended up on my bed in tears because every move I made ended in searing pain.
Mr. ralph rang my physio who sent one of her colleagues to my house for a home visit because the pain was so bad I could barely move.
This was the first pain I've ever really felt in my lower back so I was very shocked and couldn't believe how bad it was. She stayed for a while to determine where the pain was originating from but it was too difficult because it felt too general and what I really needed was some pain medicine. She ended up speaking to my GP who saw me in the afternoon and ordered some CT scans of my lower back.
I spent almost the entire day yesterday lying down on my back or my side because that was the most comfortable position. This Today when I woke up the pain was significantly less, but still present.
The CT scan revealed that my bottom two discs are bulging, the lowest one being the worst of the two. This my GP said was probably aggravated by the way I sat and then stood up suddenly. I don't even remember sitting twisted or anything!
She thinks that I must have done a lot of heavy lifting to have this type of damage. All I can think of is the job I had working for the Uni bakery in Albuquerque NM where I had to do lifting.
Sigh.
I've had to have today and tomorrow off of work and I will see my doctor again on Saturday to see if I can return on Monday.
I cried for about 3 hours straight while I was waiting to go to the doctor on Wednesday. I cannot seem to understand why this is happening to me, no matter how hard I try.
I know that there are people who have a lot more to suffer than I do, but I am trying to deal with what is happening to me the very best way I can.
So now what?
I have pain to deal with from my neck and my lower back. Do you ever feel like God is mocking you? I have to say, this is how I feel right now.
Comments
Sometimes people go into self preservation mode.
Example: Have you ever had a friend who called you all the time but would never ask how you are, they would simply rabbit on and on about themselves. They dump their energy on you and when they finish, they have your energy and you are left feeling drab.
(Sorry, this is probably a bad way of explaining it, but bare with me)....
Last year, I made a BIG decision to go into self preservation mode. I ended friendships with people who zapped me - used me as a dumping ground - or those relationships that were completely one sided on my part.
I can comprehend your disappointment and I think that she should have at least tried to stick by you during this tough time. I can also understand her need for self preservation.
Another slant on this could be that she simply is having trouble relating to you right now. Did you meet under 'fun' circumstances? Some people don't handle 'illness' around them. unfortunately, these friends are there for the good times, but not always for the bad.
I can't imagine the pain you are going through but I know where you are coming from when you say you miss family and home. Sometimes the best place to heal is in the arms of your family.
Chin up cherub.
I guess what I meant to say is I don't think she knows how to relate to you now or what to say to make you feel better....