I should have known or seen the signs, but I was in denial. I made an appointment to see a psychologist last week because I knew deep down that things have not been right since the beginning of my new injury.
One might say it was the beginning of the end.
I haven't been able to get control of my eating or exercise, I haven't been interested in seeing my friends, I haven't been interested in sex, or much of anything at all. I've been completely exhausted and work takes all of my energy. I have lots of pain and live day to day wondering what the next one will bring.
I've cried a lot more than usual as well. You could say I am overwhelmed, but what you should say is I am depressed.
I didn't want it to be true, but sadly it is.
The psychologist was shocked that I am working full time hours. She had me do a psychological assessment. I will see the results on Tuesday. She is going to send my GP a letter regarding my mental health and I will be seeing her on Saturday morning. I don't know what the blood test will show, but I think she is probably going to recommend some sort of anti-depressant.
The concept isn't new to me. About 5 years ago I was on pr0zac and I actually faired quite well on it.
I saw my physio today and she has written a letter for me to give my GP recommending I take at least 1-2 weeks off work and when I return that I do so on a part-time basis at least until things begin to improve with my health and my psychological well-being.
Even now all I want to do is cry. And you know what the worst part is? I feel angry at myself for being sad. I so badly hate not being in control of my feelings that I am mad about it.
How frustrating is that?
Thank you for the compliments on my hat and retro outfit. I had a good time dressing up and it is fun for me to make things. I really love it.
I don't know what Saturday will bring. I have to think that my GP will go along with my physio's recommendation. I don't really care what work will think of it because they are the ones that have put me in this position to start with. I cannot continue to work full-time with this pain and inflammation in my neck/shoulder. It is killing me physically and mentally.
And I was doing so well. Sigh.
One might say it was the beginning of the end.
I haven't been able to get control of my eating or exercise, I haven't been interested in seeing my friends, I haven't been interested in sex, or much of anything at all. I've been completely exhausted and work takes all of my energy. I have lots of pain and live day to day wondering what the next one will bring.
I've cried a lot more than usual as well. You could say I am overwhelmed, but what you should say is I am depressed.
I didn't want it to be true, but sadly it is.
The psychologist was shocked that I am working full time hours. She had me do a psychological assessment. I will see the results on Tuesday. She is going to send my GP a letter regarding my mental health and I will be seeing her on Saturday morning. I don't know what the blood test will show, but I think she is probably going to recommend some sort of anti-depressant.
The concept isn't new to me. About 5 years ago I was on pr0zac and I actually faired quite well on it.
I saw my physio today and she has written a letter for me to give my GP recommending I take at least 1-2 weeks off work and when I return that I do so on a part-time basis at least until things begin to improve with my health and my psychological well-being.
Even now all I want to do is cry. And you know what the worst part is? I feel angry at myself for being sad. I so badly hate not being in control of my feelings that I am mad about it.
How frustrating is that?
Thank you for the compliments on my hat and retro outfit. I had a good time dressing up and it is fun for me to make things. I really love it.
I don't know what Saturday will bring. I have to think that my GP will go along with my physio's recommendation. I don't really care what work will think of it because they are the ones that have put me in this position to start with. I cannot continue to work full-time with this pain and inflammation in my neck/shoulder. It is killing me physically and mentally.
And I was doing so well. Sigh.
Comments
unrelated to this post, but since you asked: TOM = Time Of the Month. I picked that up on various blogs, but I also get a lot of my favorite phrases here: www.starma.com/penis/auntflow/auntflow.html
You know as well as I do that depression isn't a failure on our part and certainly isnt a reflection on our emotional strength. It is a chemical imbalance in our little head.
I think the time off will rejuvenate, invigorate and help balance you again. Don't fight it, have a good cry and allow your doctor/ physio/ psychologist to help get you back to your true self.
I think it'll be the beginning of a new you. :-)
P.S. Wish I had the same lack of libido.
You are still doing well, because you're taking care of you. That's crucial, important and wonderful... even though all the causes for it suck, and things are rough, you're still doing positive things for yourself.
Hang in there... you're obviously a tough cookie, and I don't doubt you'll get through this!
Sometimes a little break to take care of OUR needs is exactly what we need to move forward. Here's to good things coming your way...
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