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Liberating

Yesterday I went through my closet with the intention of removing clothes that I no longer wear because they do not fit me anymore. This was harder than it sounds because the old me always hung on to her big clothes for fear that she would need them again.

But this time is different. Each step of the way I have parted with the big clothes, lots of them still hold special places in my memories. I wore a size (US-18/20) in the beginning, and had some rather beautiful clothes.

The physical act of getting rid of the clothes is making impact on me mentally. I am not giving myself an out. There will be nothing to wear if I gain weight. I don't even think I saved any of the before clothing except a pair of track pants that in winter I still throw on to sit around on the couch in.

I won't give myself permission to not succeed. That is not an option.

Soon I will be my healthy weight and won't have to get rid of clothes except for wear and tear.

In the end, I have a stack of 8 pairs of pants/slacks, 2 dresses, and one suit jacket (I'm sure there will be more come winter, but I already put them away), I can't even remember the last time I wore some of these.

There were a few items that I couldn't give up because they're skirts and easy to throw a belt around or wear sitting on the hip, I've told myself they'll go next time -- because there will be a next time. Almost all of the clothes I got rid of were US-14 (AUS-16) or US-12 (AUS-14). Some (mostly skirts) size US-10 (AUS-12) clothes already fit me and that is just amazing.

My closet is looking a bit bare now. I don't think I should buy new clothes for a while due to the fact that I still have 10 kilos to go and am inbetween sizes at the moment BUT it felt so liberating.

I went through and put each thing on and looked in the mirror really savoring the moment and let myself feel happy that I've achieved so much. I touched my stomach and thighs where things had once clinged and now were hanging so loosely. I remembered what it felt like when some of them were once too tight, and how some of them when worn for the first time made me feel.

I also have a pair of used jeans I bought at the Goodwill just before we went to America on vacation in hopes that I would fit into them in time for the holiday. Sadly that didn't happen.

For curiosity sake I took them out and was able to put them on, but they are skin tight. In my calculations, I should be able to wear them without embarrassment after losing 2-3 kilos more.

I will get there. I feel confident that I will. And although the journey will never be over, the ride doesn't always have to be a chore. It is okay to enjoy days like these when victory is so near and there is so much to be proud of.

Comments

theaddict said…
It did, it felt really good. Even though I know I am smaller, sometimes I still feel like nothing has changed so it is really important for me to see it in my clothes.

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