First the downward spiral, and now ca-Plunk. Here I am feeling shitty and despising myself.
I went for a power walk this morning and even jogged some of it, granted not in long intervals, but still it was my first jog since the surgery. And what was the motivation? Hate. Spite. Really being angry at myself for gaining weight.
I hopped on the scale when I woke up. I guess what I really wanted to do was feel bad today. There is not other explanation.
I wanted the walk to make me feel better. I wanted atonement for my sins. But it hasn't worked. It is like the endorphins missed me entirely.
I know that I have the rest of the week to go and that soon I will be out of the funk and feeling good again, but damn it this mood really sucks.
My mother in law commented yesterday on my weight loss, but it was what she said that really got me down. She mentioned my boobs are disappearing. Great! That was what I was obsessing about all morning, how small my boobs are getting and how my stupid fat ass and thighs are going nowhere.
Mr. ralph and I actually did a good thing by walking to her house yesterday. It is a gorgeous, but long walk. For more than half of it we get to walk through Linear Park and it is absolutely breathtaking with all the wildlife. We have some nice pictures of baby ducklings to show, but I have to transfer them still.
So I walked for an hour and a half and should have felt wonderful. But then I ate a slice of lemon meringue pie after dinner. It doesn't matter how many times I ask my mum-in-law to not serve dessert, she still does it 9 times out of 10. I do not get it.
Plus there's this pic mr. ralph took of me after I walked up a steep hill and all I can see is how wide my thighs and hips are. Track suit/exercise pants do nothing for me. I hate that picture. I don't know if I will show you or not, because trust me you will agree with me on this one.
I'm about to eat a small breakfast and try to feel better about the day. I don't want to be in a bad mood all damn day because who knows what temptation will befall me?
I went for a power walk this morning and even jogged some of it, granted not in long intervals, but still it was my first jog since the surgery. And what was the motivation? Hate. Spite. Really being angry at myself for gaining weight.
I hopped on the scale when I woke up. I guess what I really wanted to do was feel bad today. There is not other explanation.
I wanted the walk to make me feel better. I wanted atonement for my sins. But it hasn't worked. It is like the endorphins missed me entirely.
I know that I have the rest of the week to go and that soon I will be out of the funk and feeling good again, but damn it this mood really sucks.
My mother in law commented yesterday on my weight loss, but it was what she said that really got me down. She mentioned my boobs are disappearing. Great! That was what I was obsessing about all morning, how small my boobs are getting and how my stupid fat ass and thighs are going nowhere.
Mr. ralph and I actually did a good thing by walking to her house yesterday. It is a gorgeous, but long walk. For more than half of it we get to walk through Linear Park and it is absolutely breathtaking with all the wildlife. We have some nice pictures of baby ducklings to show, but I have to transfer them still.
So I walked for an hour and a half and should have felt wonderful. But then I ate a slice of lemon meringue pie after dinner. It doesn't matter how many times I ask my mum-in-law to not serve dessert, she still does it 9 times out of 10. I do not get it.
Plus there's this pic mr. ralph took of me after I walked up a steep hill and all I can see is how wide my thighs and hips are. Track suit/exercise pants do nothing for me. I hate that picture. I don't know if I will show you or not, because trust me you will agree with me on this one.
I'm about to eat a small breakfast and try to feel better about the day. I don't want to be in a bad mood all damn day because who knows what temptation will befall me?
Comments
it's not serious. it'll pass.
i just ate a small bag of doritos and a chocolate bar. how gross is that? you know what's worse? worse than that? i want to eat something else. yuh. gross.
i'm sick of winter.
look, sometimes you feel like shit, sometimes you don't. no big deal. i mean it is a big deal because feeling like shit feels like shit but ehre's what you and i both need to remember: it is not going to last forever and we are not ruining everything while we feel like shit.
i'm retaining about 10 pounds of water and have been for about 6 weeks. i don't know why and it won't go away and it's pissing me OFF. i am grumpy and sick of it.
let's be grumps then and to heck with it all.
what else can i eat?
You look great. Don't believe me? Ask that guy you were getting all kissy face with. I'll be he'll tell you the same thing.
Oh, but don't ask the cat. Cat's don't have a DAMN bit of tact. ;)
-G
Now, telling you another tip for thighs and hips might be more cheerful I think ;o)
I used this last summer and had good results, and the tip was given to me from a woman who has done her extensive marketing research by trying them all, from Christian Dior's to Sisheido, and concluded that this one is as good as the very expensive ones, and oh so logically priced.
L'Oreal Body Expertise Series. The PerfectSlim gel (day and night ones) are very good products that smoothen the cellulite, and steal at least 2 cm of your hips in a month! And they cost something like 14 euros (about 12.8 american dollars) so they are totally affordable!!!
Chin up me lady, you have conquered too much and don't you forget this!!!