You know how when you listen to certain songs you get transported back to another place and another time?
One of the most beautiful songs (at least to me) is the following one by Sarah McLachlan.
I was at the pool yesterday and listening to music while lying in the sun. The words to this song have such a strong meaning for me. So many times I felt my heart was going to break, but songs have always helped me get through the tough times in my life. And there have been a lot of those.
Thanks for all the kind words yesterday, the doctor's visit went ok, but not perfect. His answer to my knotted muscles? He thinks that massage is ok for temporary relief but thinks that the only way it will truly improve is for me to build up my stamina by beginning to increase my hours at work. His idea is to build up until I am doing 3 full days, and when I add the extra day I should then cut the hours back again until I eventually am working full-time.
I wasn't exactly thrilled, but I've been told to take neurophen for the time being. It seems all he really cares about is the fact that I don't have neurological pain, and although that is a great thing, I'd like some sort of sympathy for what I am experiencing.
This guy is not so great with the bedside manner business.
From the x-ray, we can see that although the neck is not healed completely, the outside has a protective layering of bone (and whatever else is in there) so it is stable. I can start slowing adding more exercise, including skipping if it is on soft ground. The only problem for me is gauging how much is enough without overdoing it. Now I think I am going to go back to the gym a few nights a week to do swim and bike classes.
While at the pool yesterday I saw my reflection in the glass I recoiled. The sight of my body in a bikini really makes me gag. Although I only have 7 kilos left to lose to reach the high-end of my weight range, my heart sank because I fear I'll probably have to shoot for the bottom end, which is 55 kilos, in order to feel good in a bathing suit.
Can I really do that? I don't know if I have it in me, I've been really looking forward to reaching 63 so I can maintain. I guess I won't make the final decision regarding this until I reach 63 and see how I feel.
I was reading Tales of a Bathroom Scale this morning and although I haven't written to her before, I decided that today I would. I wrote to her about how I completely understand how she feels. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel really happy with the reflection in the mirror (or glass). And I also know what it feels like to be so hungry you don't think you will ever be full.
I've written about this before, but I've identified that when I am feeling like that, most of the time what I am hungry for is not food. I usually am seeking to fill myself up with food so I don't have to feel whatever is plaguing me at the moment. It is so much easier to stuff my face than deal with what is really going on.
I identify with her frustration of trying an endless tirade of diets and still feeling powerless over the weight issue.
After I wrote the letter I started worrying that she would think that I was telling her that I think she is like me, when everyone's weight loss issues are not the same. I began to doubt that what I had written would help her, but may make her feel worse. But I also hope that I am wrong about that, that she will know that I was only trying to help because I understand.
One of the most beautiful songs (at least to me) is the following one by Sarah McLachlan.
Mary walks
Down to the water's edge
And there she hangs her head
To find herself faded
A shadow of what she once was
She said how long have I been sleeping
And why do I feel so old
Why do I feel so cold
My heart is saying one thing but my body won't let go
With trembling hands she reaches up
A stranger's flesh is offered
And I would be the last to know
I would be the last the let it show
I would be the last to go
Take her hand
She will lead you through the fire
Give you back hope
And hope that you won't take too much
Respecting what is left
She cradled us
She held us in her arms
Unselfish in her suffering she could not understand
That no one seemed to have the time
To cherish what was given
And I would be the last to know
And I would be the last to let it show
I would be the last to go...
Mary walks...
Down to the water's edge
And there she hangs her head
To find herself faded
A shadow of what she once was
She said how long have I been sleeping
And why do I feel so old
Why do I feel so cold
My heart is saying one thing but my body won't let go
With trembling hands she reaches up
A stranger's flesh is offered
And I would be the last to know
I would be the last the let it show
I would be the last to go
Take her hand
She will lead you through the fire
Give you back hope
And hope that you won't take too much
Respecting what is left
She cradled us
She held us in her arms
Unselfish in her suffering she could not understand
That no one seemed to have the time
To cherish what was given
And I would be the last to know
And I would be the last to let it show
I would be the last to go...
Mary walks...
I was at the pool yesterday and listening to music while lying in the sun. The words to this song have such a strong meaning for me. So many times I felt my heart was going to break, but songs have always helped me get through the tough times in my life. And there have been a lot of those.
Thanks for all the kind words yesterday, the doctor's visit went ok, but not perfect. His answer to my knotted muscles? He thinks that massage is ok for temporary relief but thinks that the only way it will truly improve is for me to build up my stamina by beginning to increase my hours at work. His idea is to build up until I am doing 3 full days, and when I add the extra day I should then cut the hours back again until I eventually am working full-time.
I wasn't exactly thrilled, but I've been told to take neurophen for the time being. It seems all he really cares about is the fact that I don't have neurological pain, and although that is a great thing, I'd like some sort of sympathy for what I am experiencing.
This guy is not so great with the bedside manner business.
From the x-ray, we can see that although the neck is not healed completely, the outside has a protective layering of bone (and whatever else is in there) so it is stable. I can start slowing adding more exercise, including skipping if it is on soft ground. The only problem for me is gauging how much is enough without overdoing it. Now I think I am going to go back to the gym a few nights a week to do swim and bike classes.
While at the pool yesterday I saw my reflection in the glass I recoiled. The sight of my body in a bikini really makes me gag. Although I only have 7 kilos left to lose to reach the high-end of my weight range, my heart sank because I fear I'll probably have to shoot for the bottom end, which is 55 kilos, in order to feel good in a bathing suit.
Can I really do that? I don't know if I have it in me, I've been really looking forward to reaching 63 so I can maintain. I guess I won't make the final decision regarding this until I reach 63 and see how I feel.
I was reading Tales of a Bathroom Scale this morning and although I haven't written to her before, I decided that today I would. I wrote to her about how I completely understand how she feels. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel really happy with the reflection in the mirror (or glass). And I also know what it feels like to be so hungry you don't think you will ever be full.
I've written about this before, but I've identified that when I am feeling like that, most of the time what I am hungry for is not food. I usually am seeking to fill myself up with food so I don't have to feel whatever is plaguing me at the moment. It is so much easier to stuff my face than deal with what is really going on.
I identify with her frustration of trying an endless tirade of diets and still feeling powerless over the weight issue.
After I wrote the letter I started worrying that she would think that I was telling her that I think she is like me, when everyone's weight loss issues are not the same. I began to doubt that what I had written would help her, but may make her feel worse. But I also hope that I am wrong about that, that she will know that I was only trying to help because I understand.
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