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You complete me

My readers are absolutely amazing.

Not long ago I remember wondering if anyone would even want to read this site, and now there are so many of you handing out compliments and cheering my success that my head is swimming.

I've been getting emails lately from people who have found me through the BoB awards and tell me how they feel inspired by me. That is just wonderful! I can't believe my words inspire you, because all of you motivate me.

LibertyBob reminded me yesterday to recall that my weight loss shouldn't just be about how I look, but about being healthy, and he is right. Sometimes I admit that I do get caught up in the vanity of it all. I want to look good.

I've been overweight for so long that wearing shorter skirts and form fitting dresses is exactly how I envision myself when this is all over with, not to mention hipsters.

I want to make people's heads turn. I want to look at a picture of myself and not immediately scrutinize my every flaw. I want to be skinny, in mind, body, and spirit.

But after hearing everyone say how good they thought I looked in that dress, my wonderful husband included, I have to wonder if a lot of what I am feeling is just leftover from being fat most of my life. That is fat in mind, body, and spirit.

Yes my arms are bigger than average, but I'm not sure my body type will ever be what I think is perfect.

I will always have a bigger than average bum and a hip to waist ratio that can make J-lo look like a stick figure. I can't change what nature has given me, no matter what the number on the scale says.

I will be paying a lot more attention to getting my arms and rear in shape this year, especially after my neck has healed 100%, because until then lifting weights and skipping is not an option, but what I think I really need to focus on is my self-image.

What good is it to get down to my weight watcher's goal weight if I'm going to feel the same way about myself?

I never thought I'd be complaining about how I look in a size 10 dress, let alone fit into one.

So how exactly does one solve the self-image problem? Same way I conquered my fear of food I suppose; you just keep tackling the problem head on. I actually didn't want to post the picture, then a little voice inside my head said some of you would say I looked good even if I didn't, you know just to be nice then I remembered the heads that turned when I walked down the street on New Year's Eve, and how mr. Ralph's eyes lit up when he saw the dress; it was then that I had to tell myself that everyone can't be wrong.

So thanks again for kicking me in the bum. I need a swift kick now and then.


Comments

Anonymous said…
Ah... fat at mind. I was wondering if that was ever going to go away. I've been heavy/fat all of my life. I dont' know what it feels like to be thin and I really wonder if my mind will ever adjust. I already feel like I have such a distorted view of myself, that I can't imagine seeing myself any other way. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. You'll surely be an inspiration on my journey. Thank you.

http://losingfatgirl.typepad.com
Anonymous said…
Now, that sounds like a much better day in the head of ms ralph! it really is just one step at a time isn't it? You start with the outside and work your way in! You just float all you like because youhave been successful already babe!
i've been having trouble posting with blogger all day so i hope this gets thru.

i lost 20 pounds years ago. i know it doesn't sound alike a lot but it felt like lots. anyway, after i achieved my goal i continued to wear my old clothes and speak to myself and about myself as though i was still heavier.

i was living in the mind of the pre weight loss me.

i'd never stopped to give myself credit for all i'd done. i still had that silly desperate feeling from when i wanted to lose the weight. i didn't change my mindset to someone who HAD lost the weight.

you need to give yourself credit and stop seeing the girl you used to be. you've changed inside and out. allow yourself a moment to be grateful for that. you'll feel so much better once you do. celebrate your success rather than worrying about what you have yet to succeed at.

i was a size 3 and in very good shape when i got pregnant with my first child. you'd think, well she must have felt fabulous about her body! sure, i did. mostly. everyone sees flaws in themself though. it has nothing to do with size and everything to do with human nature. especially woman nature.

i'm not a size three now but i will be again and once i get there you can damned well bet i won't be holding on to my heavy days. thankfully i learned that lesson already.

glad you're floating today. feels great, yeah?
Anonymous said…
Brains develop ruts, thought patterns that replay easily. It's difficult, sometimes, to get out of that rut and develop new ones. You can easily see it in the mentally ill. Listen to a depressed or paranoid person and you'll hear them say the same things over and over again.
Of course, you can use this to your advantage. You can train yourself to do the better thinking. Just be careful about your phrasing. You don't want to say "I will look better" because that implies that you don't look good now. You want to repeat "I do look good and I get better everyday." Sure, it's brainwashing, but that's fine.
Now say "I enjoy visiting LibertyBob.com" about two hundred times a day for the next week.

LibertyBob

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