Too quiet

I wish that I had lived alone at some time in my life because I can't stand a quiet house.

Right now even with the television on, and loud, the place feels so empty, and in turn makes me feel empty.

I'm not happy about the powers that be replacing my Footballer's Wives with some crazy movie called Urban Legend either.

But let me get off what is really on my chest.

Before moving here to be with mr. ralph I spent a year apart from him while I was working and saving enough money to pay for the fiance visa. It was one of the hardest years of my life.

I had to put up with my psycho sister and live with my parents again. Those two things alone was enough to make me go insane.

I would listen to sad music and hug my body pillow thinking of him. I cried myself to sleep most nights, and I worked two jobs to earn money faster, plus there was less time alone to be depressed and miserable.

Sounds so cliche, but I've never loved anyone as much as I love him.

He went interstate yesterday morning to help his friend move and I didn't think it would be that hard to be apart from him for 3 days and 2 nights. I mean come on, am I really that needy? Is it that hard for me to be alone? Of course I actually told him it would be a good idea for him to do this for his friend.

Last night I was trying to sleep while the wind and rain were beating against the window and all I wanted to do was know he was beside me. If I didn't have Buckley asleep at my feet I don't know if I would have slept much at all.

We don't have the perfect marriage. I don't even think that exists outside of fairytales, but he is my other half, and he should be here right now sitting on the couch next to me driving me crazy when he tries to rub my leg.

I have my moments when I wonder what life would be like if I weren't married to him, but the truth is I can't even survive one day without him.

I had the most horrible day at work and all I wanted to do was come home and collapse against him and complain so that I could feel better. And if he was here, he would have cooked dinner for us because even though he isn't the best cook in the world, he loves to do things like that for me.

I've been known to complain about how he doesn't clean much, and he never does the laundry, but I would give anything to run my fingers through his curly hair right now.

I am such a sad sap. I miss him. I can't wait until he gets home tomorrow night. I hope I can convey to him how much he means to me.