On falling off the wagon

This week has been ridiculous. I am not sure what part of my brain happens to be controlling things, but it is like somehow I got put on autopilot and everything I think I should be doing is the opposite of what happens.

So I blew it last night. I ate pizza (2 slices), cashews, and drank 4 regular bottles of Becks. That was my dinner. I had already eaten about 10 points before all of that hoping that if I had a normal day leading up to it, I'd be strong like Silverella.

But nope, I'm not. I'm not even close to strong.

So what now? I have 2 days before weigh-in. I'm still on my period, still just sitting here like a tub of lard not wanting to get up and move my arse.

I know I will have a gain. It is inevitable. I stood on the scale about 15 minutes ago and yes, I was indeed up. I don't even want to say how much, but it wasn't a whole kilo at least.

I wish I could say I am in a good place about all of this. That I can just move on and start doing things right and that it isn't going to bug the shit out of me for the next 2 days. But, I'd be lying you see, and I can't do that.

I also have drinks to go to on Friday night now. Yeah. How stupid is that? I know better than to plan shit on Friday nights. I think I am going to skip Weight Watchers altogether this week. It may be a good idea to spend some time today really rethinking my strategy.

Maybe somehow I burnt out without even knowing it? I just fell off the wagon rather slowly throughout the week starting with that date night.

I know it is not the end of the world if I gain weight this week. I will be ok. I can get my act together. I just wish that I didn't let a small setback worry me so much.

I need to allow myself to be human. I'm a shitass perfectionist and it sucks to admit that I didn't exert more control. That is really where the problem lies.

Today I'm going shopping. I've got some things on my mind I'd like to buy, but I'll probably do a lot of browsing. We have our taxes now and have a little extra cash, but I know we have bills and I don't want to overdo it and be flatass broke again by next week.

Mr. ralph applied for a position at the University that is the same as what he is currently doing, but full-time and really good pay. We need it so badly, but he hasn't heard back from the department yet to say he got it.

I'm going to have a low-point day today without a doubt, and the walking around whilst shopping should at least be something valuable. I'm hoping the shopping endorphins kick in and I start to feel better. Gain or no gain, I'm still moving right along.

Going to keep moving forward, there is nowhere else for me to go.

Post Script
Just couldn't wait for tomorrow, you'll be so proud!

I sat here reading blogs for a while, feeling rather sulky, and then I said, "to hell with it." I got up, put on my walking shoes and hit the pavement. I went for a brisk 20 minute walk, and it didn't kill me! I am covered in sweat and hot as hell as the temperature around here is pretty fierce and humid, but I DID IT.

I'm suffering from new neck soreness since that stupid taxi accident. I want to get a new x-ray, but the taxi company actually told mr. ralph that the person that handles complaints had left for the day and we'd get a call back. Have we? Nope. Going to need to call them again today.