That letter I mentioned earlier, well I didn't get a reply in my inbox, but I read her reply on her site:
I actually feel like crying now. It makes me not want to offer advice or comments at all anymore. What a horrible way to end the day. I only wanted to be helpful. Was what I said really that bad?
I read my emails and received an email from someone who apparently didn't even read my post, and that upset me. I wanted to open Blogger up and rip the reader a new one, but god I'm so sick of my knee jerk reaction to bad comments by people who don't even give a shit enough to read the whole post. What was I lashing out about? That they didn't "understand" me from glancing over one little post and deciding to tell me how to lose this weight. Forget that I'm on my third year here, forget that I've been dieting since I was six years old, if not before, forget that I've tried every diet, forget that my post mentions the very suggestions that I was being given in my little pep talk. Forget that I'm writing what I decided not to write anyway.My heart completely sank because I did read her entire entry, I've actually been reading her site since I began mine a few months ago. I know that I don't know every little thing there is to know about her, but I actually wrote the email with nothing but the best intentions to offer a kind word in regards to this entry, here is what I wrote:
Hi,I've written again just now to tell her how sorry I am and that I think she misunderstood my intentions, but I'm not sure it will make much difference. This is the first time I've felt this bad in relation to reading blogs and commenting.
I know you don't know me, and I don't really know you, but I've been reading your blog for a while now. After reading your recent entry I just had to write because I know all too well what you are feeling.
Most of what I'm about to write is just stuff from my experience, I'm not in any way implying that you are like me, so please don't think that.
I currently can fit into a US size 10 and an Aus 12 (in most things) I weigh 155 and I haven't weighed that since high school (a really long time ago), but yesterday when I was at the pool I was wearing a bikini and saw myself in the glass window and screamed inside. I still have about 15 pounds or so to lose before I get to the top of my Weight Watchers goal, but with clothes on I think I look pretty good. If I were to see another woman at my size I'd think she was thin, but yet I'm still not happy with myself.
I know the hunger part too. Where you feel like nothing, absolutely nothing will make you feel full. This I think, at least for me is more psychological than anything else. It does pass when I try to identify the real reason I'm hungry, and most of the time it is not food. My experiences as a child have led to a really unhealthy reliance on food. I know that sounds crazy, but I've read a book that really helped me called Feeding The Hungry Heart. It is worth checking out.
And about the new diet you are talking about, I noticed you mentioned you eat out a lot and find it difficult. But I think you will still find it hard to stick to a normal portion because most restaurants servings are like 2-3 times a "normal" amount. You'd either have to order a half-size meal, or be strong enough to not finish the full plate (which most of us aren't) especially when we are just starting again to change our eating habits.
I know what it is to be frustrated and to have tried every diet out there. I honestly can't say there is one that works even though Weight Watchers seems to be working for me at the moment because I truly believe (although cliche) that when we are personally ready to lose weight we will because we will have all the tools at our disposal plus the willpower.
And one final thing, (sorry so long-winded) but even though I really despise Dr. Phil, his book is a really helpful weight loss tool as well. If you haven't read it, just check it out from your library and give it a shot. He actually makes a lot of sense.
That's all. I hope that my telling you a little about me has done something to help.
I actually feel like crying now. It makes me not want to offer advice or comments at all anymore. What a horrible way to end the day. I only wanted to be helpful. Was what I said really that bad?
Comments
Just consider that all of us weight fighters have some emotional issues we are dealing with. perhaps your email to her went on a bad moment and was misread.
Chin up. You did something with goodness in your heart and this should make you feel better! Now cheer up and give this gorgeous cat of yours a hug! Tis healing you know ;)
anyone who has been on a diet their entire life is doing something wrong. there should come a time when you have achieved success and can move on. i would offer that she is not in fact the authority she would like you to believe in her reply.
without reducing myself to name calling and nastiness i would just like to say that i don't think you have anything to feel bad or sorry about. she misinterpreted you. we cannot control what other people think of what we say. we can only govern our own words and our own intentions. i found your message to her thoughtful and well meaning. she didn't. tough luck for her.
the thing that bugs me is that you feel bad. for just being nice. for offering your story. that's crap. you're a great person and anyone who can't see it isn't worth your time. move on. put a smile on your face and say, ach to heck with her. what do you need with someone who can't feel the love?
i like you, what else do you need? lol.
October 5th - 2004 'I want to talk about my diet but I'm so over the goddamned know it all emails. The moment you sit to write me an email to give me dietary advice is the moment I know you don't get me or understand my blog at all. It frustrates me on top of everything else I'm dealing with. One more time for the people in the back - I know how to diet. I've dieted since I was 6 years old. There's nothing, nothing you can tell me that I don't already know. This is a story about life, about me, about struggling with this body of mine and whatever it is inside of me that stops me from being a vegan with a penchant for working out. It's not about you helping me. I don't want help. I don't want advice. I want to share, that's it. '
Seems she likes to reiterate this fact from time to time :) Plus I have mixed feelings about anyone who claims they have nothing new to learn.
Commenting on peoples blogs is scary, but don't stop, because most people would be quite pleased with any small comment or encouragement.
{{{Hugs}}}
Now, lift up your heart in the awareness that you have lifted up the hearts of so many others.
Please don't take the comment so hard because it just seems to have a lot of emotion behind it. Besides, you're one of the sweetest persons out here!! I hope she realizes the intent of your comment.
fatgirl
http://losingfatgirl.typepad.com