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No pep

I don't know what happened to all the excited energy I had only a few days ago but right now I'm feeling scared.

I don't know if I can make it to goal by May 20th.

I hopped on the scale this morning and it is about 400 grams up from my last weigh-in. It really shouldn't have surprised me because I ate out last night for a goodbye dinner of one of mr. ralph's co-workers.

I tried to make good choices, but ended up eating 1/3 of a super salty pea and ham soup, 2 bites of the yummy crusty baguette that came with it, and 3/4 of a pesto chicken salad that was absolutely yummy, but crazy high in points. It had pear, roasted pumpkin, bacon, and fetta cheese in it.

I also drank 2 glasses of wine and 1/2 schooner of beer.

The bloat has set in and I know that the numbers on the scale today aren't really a true reflection of my week, and that by Saturday it will sing a different tune because I will drink my water and eat a lot fewer points over the next few days, hell I may even do some exercise....

But the point is I am feeling like it is just too hard. As I sat here and read about how Ladymistree is going to shoot for her goal to apply for The Slimmer of the Year too, I started to feel overwhelmed with my own goal. I'm seriously doubting that I can do this. What if I've placed too high expectations on myself???

What if I fail??

Of course seeing a loss this week is crucial. If I can't manage a loss every single week up until May 20th, there is no way I will make it.

Comments

CheekyMoo said…
I know you can do it. I understand the no pep days, believe me. I blogged today about weight loss and depression. The emotions are overwhelming sometimes. I'm envious that you are so close to goal. Around 30 pounds and counting for me. I admire you so much and it keeps me going when I read blogs like yours. So pep up! :-) You're going to make it and be Slimmer of the Year.
Anonymous said…
I completely understand. I think it's becoming pretty much a virus that's being shared amongst all of the bloggers I read as we all seem to be retaining or gaining here of late. Those that aren't have been too sick to keep food down. :::sigh:::

But... have faith and a smidgen of that perseverance that's gotten you this far. You can, and will, do this!
Anonymous said…
You have done so fantastically in your weight loss that you deserve to celebrate that. The Slimmer of the Year is a celebration of your hard work, dedication and gorgeousness, and you are as worthy and deserving as Tree or anyone else to put your name up for that. Some people thrive on challenges like this, and if that's you then get your bum into gear and go for it! But if that is not you, then why put yourself through unnecessary pressure and stress - you could enter next year instead as you would be safely in your goal weight range. Don't do what other people want you to do, do what is best for you and your peace and happiness.
Anonymous said…
We all have our moments of self-doubt and I can't imagine what that's like when you're so close to your goal (although I will someday too!). When I have those moments, one of the places I go is HERE for inspiration and motivation.

You should win Slimmer of the Year not only because of your weight loss success but because you have given others a gift by going public with your journey -- and being so honest all the way. The gift you have given me goes hand in hand with the knowledge that there is someone like me with similar issues who has not only faced them, but conquered them. You are a winner in this weight loss battle and, by sharing your combat secrets, I have learned how to win my battle as well. I can't wait for that day when I can write you and say I've reached my goal. Push on, Mrs. Ralph, and know that I'm rallying with you all the way!
Meg said…
You don't know me, but I've been reading lately and I think you're perfectly lovely and charming. I admire that you're doing this in spite of being scared of failure, not because you don't know the meaning of the word "fear".

Oh, I just want to give you a big hug, because you sound like you need it. What if you try and don't make it? What if you try and ALMOST make it? Are you kidding?-- no matter what the numbers on a scale say, you're winning every day you do this.

I count one number: 517. That's the number of days since I started this crazy healthy-living thing and started losing weight. Every day I don't give up, I make that number go higher. I can't control the scale directly; I can't control what events will come over time that might make my motivation wax and wane and suck away my time and make my life go crazy. All I've got is another day that I didn't give up, even if that means trying something different, even if that means falling down for a week and then getting up again.

You can't fail because you're adding onto your total days, one day at a time. You're doing great!

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