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I could just kick myself

So yesterday I kept staring in the mirror at my hair and thought if I could just lighten it one more shade it would look right and mr. ralph would like it too. So I did the stupidest thing in the world. I bought another bleach from the store and completely forgot that since the last thing I did was colour it ash blonde, all the bleach would do is strip the ash blonde off the top of my ugly, pineapple yellow hair.

And that is what happened. It looked worse than it was before. I should have just listened to all of you, and my inner voice to leave well enough alone, but in desperation to fix it all I coloured my hair an auburn/brownish color last night. It looks good. I've had this color a million times, and of course mr. ralph said, "Now you look more like ms. ralph". And a part of me knew exactly what he was saying, because although I liked the look of blonde, every time I saw myself in the mirror I wasn't comfortable with my reflection.

I don't think I'm ready for it. I kept thinking about all the attention it was going to get at work and I was afraid.

Delving deeper this is a lot of the reason why I stayed fat for so long. Being thin brings attention I don't want.

It is a good thing the hair is short because it will probably fall out soon.

So I'm not cut out to be blonde, at least not this time. Next time I consider it I will make sure I am willing to spend the money at the salon.

But trust me, although it is undocumented, the Frenchie (from Grease) look is not for me. I looked silly.

We went for a hike yesterday up Waterfall Gully. Later on today maybe I can put up some gorgeous outdoor pics. But I went in shorts and the pictures of me are quite disturbing. I feel like such a fat pig in shorts because of my problem areas. I shudder to look at them.

I feel like I look amazing in pants and longer skirts, but shorts are definitely not attractive on me, especially not the ones I was wearing yesterday. I don't think I'll share those pictures.

The hike was hard and it felt really good to be moving and sweating. We had to stop several times to slow our hearts and catch our breaths, but I loved it. I think I'm off to a good start on the week except the eating could have been better yesterday. We finally received a package in the mail from my brother that he sent over a month ago and inside it he had my favorite chips and some cookies mr. ralph likes. I ate a handful of each, but that alone was too much for the day.

It was a good thing we hiked.

Comments

Anonymous said…
i thought your hair looked nice blond. in the pics you posted.

why are you so hard on yourself Rebeka?
Anonymous said…
Hello - Michele sent me.

I just hate hair disasters! I will be back by to say hello and hopefully you have fully recovered and the last colour sounds really nice.
CAD Monkey said…
Shorts are the Devil. The Devil!!
Robin said…
I hate to say this after the fact... but I really loved the blonde! Then again, you have that great smile, and your hair comes in second anyhow...

My hubby likes black hair, and luckily I have black hair... but in the day before the hubby it was every color BUT natural. I do miss playing with color, but I don't want hubby to have a heart attack. I completely understand keeping the Mr. happy...
Kathryn said…
I know what you mean about the blonde hair drawing attention. I have been blonde a few times and it is amazing how much attention the change in hair colour gets. If it is going to make you uncomfortable or self conscious then it isn't worth it.
Argy said…
Good on ya for the hike. And I too think you are a bit too hard on yourself. You look so good, it amazes me that you think the opposite. And I want to see the new hair too!

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