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Luck running out?

I am seriously starting to think that my luck is running low with the consecutive weight losses. I weighed myself yesterday and today and I am up 600 grams. My weight didn't fluctuate from yesterday morning to today. I know I still have 3 days in which to take that off, but something tells me I probably shouldn't get my hopes up.

The thing is, if this week I don't lose, or I actually gain (I am trying to prepare myself for that possibility) I won't completely freak out.

These things happen. I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I actually fear it.

I have to deal with my fear of reaching my goal. It is a bit strange to fear something I have wanted for so long, but in the same instance very normal.

I know that when the scale hits 63 kilos I will not be magically cured of my love of food, or suddenly be a different person. But somehow even though I know these things, I still want that. I want the fantasy that one day I won't have to think about what goes in my mouth.

This is a life-long journey. I did not get to be 105 kilos overnight, I sure as hell didn't lose all of this weight overnight, so I need to be patient with myself. The inner-girl needs some reassurance that reaching goal will be okay. We will get there, we can do this together.

So I have a few goals for myself over the next 3 days. I will continue to keep my food journal (as I have done pretty religiously for months and months now) and eat healthy foods, but I will also exercise. I started to type "try" but I remember as an old Weight Watcher leader used to say, there is no "try" you either do it or you don't. So true.

Thanks to all of you for your constant encouragement and friendship. You and your blogs are my support system and I couldn't do this last bit without you.

Comments

Argy said…
I just want to remind you that you have not lost over 30 kilos cause you've been lucky. You have lost all this weight because you are a determined woman who has worked hard forthis accomplishment.

I understand the fear of reaching goal. Even I have this and I am 18 kilos away, not just five like you! I sometimes dread the delightful moment, because if I loose the "blame it on the weight" safe board what will I blame *it* on?

I also want to remind you that I am here and I will continue to be, for losses and gains, for good and bad. Because if it weren't for you, all of you, I am not sure I would have still be here!
8:52 pm
AliRose said…
God, your words always ring so true to me. I completely understand what you said about questioning what happens when you do loose all the weight, it's not like you can just go back to your old eating habits! It just feels like it's never over, a never-ending struggle. Being a woman is so difficult, with all the temptations that surround us, and the expectations of others constantly in the back of our minds, but it's quite obvious you're a strong-willed woman who can conquer anything you set your mind to. I like to just constantly think about how wonderful it makes me feel to slip into something tight and sexy, and feel confident in it. It helps when I'm reaching for that bag of cheetos or contemplating picking up that phone and calling for pizza!
8:54 am
AliRose said…
God, your words always ring so true to me. I completely understand what you said about questioning what happens when you do loose all the weight, it's not like you can just go back to your old eating habits! It just feels like it's never over, a never-ending struggle. Being a woman is so difficult, with all the temptations that surround us, and the expectations of others constantly in the back of our minds, but it's quite obvious you're a strong-willed woman who can conquer anything you set your mind to. I like to just constantly think about how wonderful it makes me feel to slip into something tight and sexy, and feel confident in it. It helps when I'm reaching for that bag of cheetos or contemplating picking up that phone and calling for pizza!
8:59 am
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