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Day 9 - Bad habit

I've got a bad habit of weighing myself everyday. For the past 2 days the scales say that I have gained a kilo since my weigh-in. My mind refuses to accept this as fact, but seeing the number there has been driving me insane.

Is there such a thing as post-menstrual bloat?

I have been sticking to my points, I'm actually under for the week so far on the Wendie Plan, and I'm sticking to my detox. On the exercise front I'm not doing as well as last week, but I have exercised 3 times including a 30 minute power walk this morning.

I know that my weight fluctuates for all sorts of reasons and I shouldn't do this to myself, but now its been done and I can't get it out of my mind.

I really am obsessed. I feel great, I look great. I've never been happier with the way clothes fit me, but these last few kilos are seriously driving me to the brink of insanity.

I'm beginning to wonder if the May 20th (Slimmer of the Year) deadline is doing my emotional stability any favors. Maybe I should rethink the pressure I've put on myself?

Even as I write that I think, "But no! I want to lose it now! I don't want to give myself another 6 months! It has to end!"

God living inside my head is an awful experience. I hope I can make it through the rest of the week (this is really only Tuesday) without going nuts.

Comments

Meg said…
Put it away.

Put. The scale. AWAY.

Pretend it is made of chocolate. Make it off-limits. The thing will drive you insane. Right before I fell into that candy bowl for three months, I was weighing myself every single day and freaking out over it, so I speak from experience: MAKE THE SCALE GO AWAY.

This, too, shall pass. This craziness, this obsession with losing X amount by date Y-- that's a test. It's THE test. Don't let it get you. Hang tight. Keep moving.

What's your number? Your REAL number? How many days since you started this thing, way back when?

Let the scale go. You are not doing this to lose weight right now, you are doing this so that you can hold on to this body and not go back. You are doing this to feel better. You are doing this to detoxify your body and make it feel all kinds of nice. You are doing this because you deserve to be treated this way: with love, with the best of choices, with deliberate and exquisite care. You deserve it, soul and mind and body.

My husband uses the scale to weigh himself before and after after-- excuse me for this-- bowel movements. He's very fond of doing so and will announce the results-- which can be up to two pounds. A few weeks of this has cured me of freaking out over any weird scale activity, believe me.

You know you're flipping out. You know you're doing it to yourself. You're aware: take the next step, and do something to solve that problem. You're the only one who can do it, and you CAN. You're strong enough-- you prove that every day. Make the choice. Stop looking at the scale. I know it's hard when the scale isn't at a number you want to be the last one you see... but let it go, let it go.

Go here. Read. Here's the most important part:

There's so much pressure to see quick results that it's easy to forget the point of this, which is quite frankly to save your life. Don't ignore increases in strength and overall feeling of health and well-being. Those are goals too.

If you were able to look inside of your cells and see your "good" enzymes increasing, your energy-producing mitochondria multiplying, your cholesterol falling, your arteries clearing, your blood vessels becoming more efficient, your muscles strengthening, your bone-density improving, and all of the remarkable changes that this program triggers, it would be clear that the scale and calipers are just insufficient ways of measuring success. As these internal changes become significant, your external progress accelerates. Some people just start out needing more internal changes than others, because of their prior lifestyle, long-term yo-yo dieting, and other factors. Please understand that if you're following the daily intensity and carefully limiting your portions, the progress is happening, whether it's obvious or not. I've just seen too many individual cases to think any different.

So don't force the numbers. They'll come. Here is your job today: adhere to a winning pattern of action that you know will produce results if you follow it consistently. That's all. And if you do that today, congratulate yourself as a winner. If instead, you insist on measuring your success by whether or not the scale or caliper show progress today, you're creating a game you can lose. In Steven Covey's words, you're putting yourself in the position of trying to manage consequences rather than actions. You'll never get a reliable sense of confidence that way. Look, you're following a program that works. Do troubleshoot. Do review your workouts, food choices, portion sizes, and meal plans. But make every day a game you can win.


Don't play the scale's game. Don't set yourself up to waste all the wonderful things you've done by getting discouraged by a NUMBER. What if some sort of malfunction caused the number to freeze? If the number never changed, but you felt ten times better, would it be worth it? If the number never changed, but your body fat dwindled and your muscles firmed up, would it be worth it? Or would you still let yourself feel like a failure because of a number that isn't even measuring anything in the world that matters?

You're worth more than that. You're worth it to your husband, you're worth it to your friends, you're worth it to your family. Don't lose sight of that.
Anonymous said…
Hmmm... been there and am dealing with that myself seeing that I'm within my target goal range and will not see it near as soon as I originally planned.

I concur with Meg. Put the scale away.

As you know from reading (and posting a comment, thank you muchly!) in my blog, I've done a bit of research for these plateaus and one of the things they recommend is increasing your caloric intake, make certain you're getting in a lot of raw/fresh fruits and veggies, keep the proteins high and the carbs moderate (should only be whole grains and 'good' carbs), vitamins, water and exercise at least 500 calories worth per day (which is something like an hour at 4mph of walking).

Keep at it, but yeah, don't dwell on it. After all, isn't the entire point here just to feel better about yourself and be in shape? Not everyone is going to fit into a specific weight category, which is what I think attributes to most of women's problems with accepting the way they look.
Anonymous said…
you have asked and so i will give my opinion. please feel free to ignore it.

i used to be obsessed with weighing myself. i was a size five at the time. if i gained any amount of weight for any reason i was devastated. if i lost any amount of weight for any reason i was thrilled. if i gained i would weigh myself more than once a day hoping the number would go down. if i lost i would weigh myself more than once a day to feel that thrill again.

weighing myself obsessively had little to do with my weight. obsessing about my weight is my way of coping when life in general is stressful or if i'm over tired or whatever. it's my go to thing.

some people drink, some people do drugs, some people weigh themselves obsessively.

i don't do it anymore.

a while back i suggested that you should consider weighing yourself less often as you are so near your goal weight. you reponse told me you were obsessed with weighing yourself and i dropped it because i know that obsession. i know that need. i also know what it is like to be finally rid of it.

i finally broke my scale. not intentionally. after weighing myself for the fifth or sixth or hundredth time one day and getting the same horrid result (it showed that i was three whole pounds heavier even though i felt like i'd lost weight and was feeling better than ever) and i stomped on it in ANGER.

i stomped on it until it broke. it took me several days or weeks to be able to throw the scale out even though i knew it would never work again. my addiction to that stupid thing was sickening. i was humiliated in not being able to throw it out. when i finally did i felt scared and anxious. how would i know i was okay in the world if i could not weigh myself?

turns out, i am far more than ok and way better off without it. the only time i have been weighed since is during pregnancy and i did not look at the numbers. everyone in the office was under strict instructions to never tell me what i weighed. ya i felt silly for having to ask them not to tell me but i knew what knowing would do to me. i knew the obsession would start again.

the thing is - and please pay attention to this bit - it never mattered how much i weighed. 109, 113, 128...whatever. sure i was HAPPIER with the 109 but i was never ever free from being obseesed about that numner, whatever it was. i could not breath without knowing what i weighed. see because the number wasn't the reason i was obsessed. wanting to control my anxiety in general was the issue.

you will never lose enough weight to not be obsessed with what you weigh. get rid of the scale now and have a happy life. reaching your goal weight will not ever change this obsession. go. throw it out right now. waiting until tomorrow and getting to weigh yourself one more, just one more time won't make it any easier or any better.

you could be model thin, my dear, and this would not go away. you have to make it stop and find other ways to validate yourself. you said you feel better than ever. you said you look better than ever. that's all you need.

go throw it out. now.

but you won't yet and that's okay. you be ready some day. some day you wil get sick of it. ihigly recommend stomping on it in a fit of anger. no turning back from that!

just don't go buy another one. ;)
Anonymous said…
ps, the other girls suggested putting the scale away. i don't think putting it away will help. you can always go get it. you must remove it from your life. tell it goodbye old friend, you have become toxic, go away.

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