livingforrecovery

The day started off really well because my body had somehow managed to go back to normal and I pulled out a one kilo loss for the week. I was very pleased with that, and the girls at my weight watcher's meeting had a present for me! I was soooooo surprised. I had invited them to come out for drinks with me and was pleased that they said they would come, they didn't have to buy me a present as well. But they got me a beautiful vase. I haven't photographed it yet, but it is in the plans. Friday night mr. ralph's friend that moved to Melbourne called and said he would be flying in and could come out as well to celebrate with me. It was very nice to see him. The dinner went well, except the dish I ordered was a seafood soup which consisted of seafood floating in heavy cream; not the most weight-conscious choice, but I managed to eat the seafood and bits of potato and leave the cream behind, and it took over an hour for us to get our food from when we ordered. After d...

Unbelievably the scale changed dramatically over night and I lost a kilo this week, I am down to 68.9 as of this weigh-in. I guess the 7 or 8 bottles of water I drank all day on Friday helped get rid of the water retention problem. This means that from today I have only 6 kilos to go before I reach my Weight Watchers goal weight. Wow.

Ahh, what a long week. I'm so glad to be at home sitting here. You have no idea. I just read the comment from Silverella saying she missed my posts. It feels good to be missed, but to tell you the truth, I have not felt like writing. I haven't felt very much like myself this week, and today has got to be the worst day of all. I am angry and have no idea in what direction to throw my anger. Have you ever felt that way? It is a ridiculous place to be in. The anger of course gets sent inward. I was doing well with eating this week, I know I needed to be exercising, but I didn't feel like it. Every single day I felt accomplished to just get myself through the day, I just couldn't emotionally or physically handle taking on more than the normal work and eating/sleeping duties. So you can imagine how surprised I was when my weight seemed to skyrocket over night. This morning I weighed myself and saw an unbelievable 70.2 on the scales. Mid-week I was weighting in at ...

Part I: The Intruder So we are casually sitting watching TV on Sunday afternoon when mr. ralph notices something rather odd in our office and calls out to me. "Hey, Bec, you have got to come and see this!" Me: "What is it?" Mr. Ralph: "Just come here, QUICK! You need to see what Buckley found." Me: "Oh please don't tell me it is a spider...." And low and behold what did I see? An intruder. Sitting in our office just as easy as you please was a siamese cat that lives a few houses down. We were shocked and so was Buckley. Sometime during the day he came in through our back door which we had left ajar for Buckley. We have no idea how long he was there. I picked him up and although he let me put him outside, he was not happy with it. Siamese cats really don't like people they don't know touching them. Bucks on the other hand was pretty calm. All he did was thoroughly inspect the room for about 15 minutes afterwards making sure h...

So yesterday I kept staring in the mirror at my hair and thought if I could just lighten it one more shade it would look right and mr. ralph would like it too. So I did the stupidest thing in the world. I bought another bleach from the store and completely forgot that since the last thing I did was colour it ash blonde, all the bleach would do is strip the ash blonde off the top of my ugly, pineapple yellow hair. And that is what happened. It looked worse than it was before. I should have just listened to all of you, and my inner voice to leave well enough alone, but in desperation to fix it all I coloured my hair an auburn/brownish color last night. It looks good. I've had this color a million times, and of course mr. ralph said, "Now you look more like ms. ralph". And a part of me knew exactly what he was saying, because although I liked the look of blonde, every time I saw myself in the mirror I wasn't comfortable with my reflection. I don't think I'...

I feel pretty bad about the weight gain, although I didn't really want to admit it. The main reason it bothers me is now it will take me another week longer to get down to my goal weight. I know it takes a long time to lose weight, hell, I've been doing this for 3 years, but I am seriously just sick of it. I want to get there and start worrying about maintenance. You know what I mean? Anyway, so I was a tad bit blue about that. But I'm also upset about money. I hate watching every penny and because we have my Birthday drinks this coming Saturday that is what I have to do. I don't want to be worried about how many cocktails I can buy because it is my Birthday! I know someone may be willing to buy me a few, but it is not the point. Also, mr. ralph really doesn't like my new hair color and last night I thought I'd ask him to see if it was just going to take some getting used to and he said, "I really don't like it." That is it folks. He hate...

First let me get this weigh-in out of the way. I gained 400 grams, no big surprise there. It was not a good week. I now weigh 69.9 kilos. I have to organise myself better this week. Being on my period didn't help matters I'm sure. But in other news I have some new pictures. I feel like now that I'm thinner I'm always in front of the camera. But this time you will see, I am a blonde. I did this myself, and although it is more yellow than I'd like I think it turned out okay for a home job. Here I am with a friend who was over last night for pizza (homemade) and movies. I like this one because I think my legs actually look thinner than I imagine them to be.

Oh yes I know. Everyone's favorite subject. But I can't help myself. I have to discuss it. I have gained a kilo overnight of bloat. It doesn't help that I had pasta and some of mr. ralph's evil fried rice for dinner last night, at 8:30 because I worked until 7:30. It doesn't help that there is an enormous amount of sodium in black bean sauce no matter how yummy and how many vegetables you have them put in. It doesn't help at all. So I am wondering. Should I use the no-weigh card tomorrow so that the bloat will not ruin my mood? I don't know. All I know to do is drink a shit-load of water today and hope for the best. In other, better news, I am going on a two-night stay in the Mclaren Vale for my anniversary on Easter weekend. I am so excited! We went there last year but were unable to stay because we made our plans last minute. This time however, we called the Mclarens on the Lake Resort and booked a two-night romantic package. They even hav...

I've done 2 whole workouts this week. That's right, 2. One cardio workout on Monday morning, and I did some strength exercises yesterday afternoon. My husband did ask me this afternoon if I wanted to go for a walk and I turned him down. I am miserably tired. I feel like all of my energy is sapped from me at work at the moment and I have nothing else to give. The good news is I've kept to my eating plan for the most part and hopefully that will enable me to still have a weight loss this week. If I don't step it up I won't be able to reach my goal by the end of March like I so badly want to do. I've received a few comments at work about how nice I'm looking lately, but nothing would be sweeter than reaching my goal by my anniversary. I know that when I am this tired it wouldn't really benefit my health to push myself to exercise; I know I need to be good to my body, but I wish that it wasn't this way. I want so badly to be able to do it all.

Thanks to everyone who complimented the pictures from the weekend. You know how to make a girl blush. We enjoyed our dinner and then we actually got to hear hairy lemon again because they were playing across the street from where we ate. It was a total coincidence. I'm still in a lot of pain in my shoulders and I know it is from the tension at work. I spoke again to my team leader yesterday and he doesn't really take my complaints about getting help seriously because in his words, he is not getting that feedback from anyone else. Just because I am the only one that ever speaks up about anything. Everyone else is just scared shitless. He did tell me that there are no time restraints placed on me when I am doing that particular job, so I am to take my time and not let call quality or anything bother me. This is very easy for him to say in theory, but when you have someone waiting on the phone it is just your instinct to try to help them in a timely manner. All I can do is...

I wanted to share some photos from our date last night. Not a full entry yet, my head hurts. I actually like the way I look here. The dress is an AU size 12. A close up on the new shoes. The light in this one adds to the vintage look of it.

It is 7:30 on Saturday morning and I should be sleeping since I was out last night until 2:30 am to hear Hairy Lemon play. But instead I am here, awake, and consumed with thoughts about work. Work should not be on my mind on a Saturday, especially when I should be sleeping. It is just wrong. I actually cried last night when I was telling mr. ralph about how work is making me feel. I feel like crying right now. For the past two days I've been asked to assist in an area that I am not an expert in. Actually to be honest they trained me for two days about a year ago and have left me to sink or swim. The thing is they have these people called Work Place Trainers that are meant to be available to me (or anyone else) that needs help, but when I go to them for help I am always greeted with a shrug, a slight eye-roll, or they outright ignore me and I feel guilty for interrupting them. I tried to tell my team leader how I was feeling yesterday but all he could say to me was how it sho...

Email to my brother: Can you believe I turn 30 soon? I'm scared. Will I live through it? His reply: I did, so you should be alright. I had a really bad time with 30. I think it is when you finally realize two things for the first time. 1. You are not a kid anymore. 2. You are going to die at some piont. Be light in your heart and heavy on the love for people in your life and I promise that you will be alright. Love ya, ms ralph's brother

I think the craving for a doughnut began on the weekend. I'm not sure what I was doing, probably watching TV, but I wanted one. What I should have done is got one on my Super High Point day and been done with it, but I didn't. I even remember telling mr. ralph that I wanted one and he chirped in, "me too." But we didn't buy one. I looked at the grocery store but all they had was the 6-pack, and I couldn't see wasting the others. And The coffee shop next to our grocery store was closed. The past chapter I've read of the book is about legalizing food. The authors suggest that in order to conquer our fear of food we need to legalize it. They say we should go and buy large quantities (an amount that you won't be able to consume in a matter of days) of foods that you had once called "forbidden" and that by being surrounded by an ample supply we will eventually stop craving it. This approach actually sounds like it may work. But...

So, things are going good. The Wendie Plan has yet to convince me that it will work for me. I found it difficult to eat the super high points on Saturday (30) and then very hard to eat the super low points yesterday (14). Maybe it is all in my subconscious. I have eaten as few as 14 points before without really aiming for it, and I wasn't starving. I never heard my tummy rumble. It is just that I wanted an extra treat after dinner and I couldn't. Deprivation. There is something radical about how it shapes our minds. In looking at the entry from Put Down The Donut about the Wendie Plan I am now confused as to what my Wendie points plan should be. They have the 20-point range eating more than 140 points for the week and I thought I needed to stay within 140 points. If anyone in Australia is following the Wendie Plan, would you help me! Oh and I almost forgot to mention the new rule of my diet. I cannot weigh myself on a Monday if I used the super high poi...

I was bored this morning and looking at my old websites and decided to post some pictures of myself through the years. Please take a trip with me down memory lane. I have to apologize firstly that I don't have full body pics to show you because back when I posted these pics on the internet I was damn sure that no one was seeing the real 'fat' me. In looking at the way I edited these pictures I can see how much I was ashamed of my body. I cleverly show almost nothing except my face. The original un-cut pictures may still exist on our other PC, but alas it is broken and I haven't access to them. So here we go, prepare yourself for a bumpy ride. 1993, The year I graduated high-school. I'm pretty sure this hair-style was actually cool back then, and the shirt I cannot be blamed for. My mother chose it, and although you can't see it, I am wearing a short purple suede skirt that I had to have . I thought I was fat, but I probably was a normal weight...

I weigh-in at 70.2 kilos this week, and that is up 300 grams from my last official recorded weight. It wasn't so bad. It did hurt a little to go back into the 70's, but I was very successful in the latter part of the week at taking off some of what I had gained. Technically I lost 600 grams since Monday (on my scale that is), and I am very pleased with that. I have been shopping like crazy lately, but mostly at the salvos and Goodwill. I've found great tops and a nice jean skirt that replaces the too big one I've got on sale at the consignment store. People are cleaning out their wardrobes over here like crazy, possibly because we are nearing the end of the summer season in a few weeks time and they are making room for new purchases. I feel guilty for all the money I've been spending, but we went a few weeks there were money was so tight that I had to scrimp to buy a coffee. I know when I'm overshopping, even though we do have the extra cas...

I hurt everywhere, but especially in my thighs. I now recall why I hated doing lunges and squats so much in the past. I couldn't sleep last night and right now I am so tired. I have to go back to the hell hole (work) today and am hoping that I am blessed with all the pleasant calls. I had to laugh at myself yesterday at the Border's cash register because I bought a book titled, "When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies: Freeing Yourself From Food and Weight Obsession," along side a Self Magazine I bought specifically because the cover says something about "The New Body Type Workout". Weight obsessed much? Anyway, I'm really looking forward to this book. You know I'll probably be blogging about my revelations before too long. I did however get up at 5:30 today and go out for a jog/walk. I've decided not to worry about the duration in time, but to add an extra lap every few days. Right now I'm doing 4 laps and I think it tak...

I woke up to a cold and wet morning. I am not up for walking/jogging out in the rain so I haven't exercised yet. Of course my attitude stinks and I had to reread the post from Monday at least twice. Yesterday was my high-point day and for dinner I made pizzas, including the base! And I ate an entire pizza that was 9 1/2 points, it was yummy. And quite low when you think about the alternative of ordering out for one. I'm really hoping this Wendie Plan works because the scale has not budged in the past 3 days. I'm still almost a kilo over my last recorded weight at Weight Watchers , which was where I found myself on Monday morning much to my dismay. I know this could be because I ate the pizza around 8pm and flour has a way of sticking to me and not going anywhere for a while. Maybe that is why I feel so good when I go no-carb because carbs make me bloat. Only a few weeks ago I was on top of the world and totally convinced that this remainder weight was ...

So this bootcamp thing I got from the magazine looked okay at first, but when I tried it out last night along with mr. ralph we soon found out that it is much too difficult and complicated for my particular health limitations. It has lots of jumping about and the back of our place is concrete. The doctor said I could add jogging and skipping in small increments but on soft ground . So was it discouraging? A little. But did I let it stop me? No! I got up this morning and decided I will find a new routine for my bootcamp by scouring all my mags today and trying out the exercises before I put them on my list so I know I can accomplish what I set out to do. I was able to get in a 20 minute workout this morning before the rain set in. I alternated jogging for 2 minutes and walking for 4, and some skipping. It felt good. And I remember from Body For Life that 20 minutes can be a great workout if you push yourself. I will try to get a second session in this afternoon if t...