I heard your dad went into a restaurant and ate everything in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant

Hello. I'm here. I consider this my mid-week check in. I won't be avoiding the scales this week. I will take whatever comes my way and deal with it.

I still feel very overwhelmed, if that is the right word. I am beginning to hate winter with a passion too. I've seemed to have kicked the overeating madness, at least for a few days anyway, and I've taken out the jump-rope and gone at it almost every morning and night (during commercials). It feels good to be doing something.

I want to thank all of you for your comments, and concern. There were some very good points brought up, and I thank you for helping me think this through, but the battle is only just beginning.

I think honesty rain, was right on the money when she said, "you've been working very hard with a singular mind on this difficult task of losing weight." My whole outlook has just been focused on the amount of weight I need to lose. I have become that girl, and not the good one. The one that lets every decision in life revolve around food and what the scale says.

Meg was definitely on the money when she said, "Your eating is not the problem. Your weight is not the problem. These are symptoms of something else, something that is doing damage on deeper and more important level."

I know that the demons of the past are lurking under the surface waiting to bubble up and drown me in vile. I know that for a while now I've been needing to get myself back in therapy, but I've done nothing about it except mention it casually and let it drop. I've been so determined to get to goal weight that I've neglected my very important mental needs.

And finally, my dear Beatte. Although I can identify with the pressure theory, I can't say that anyone else is pressuring me. I've been lucky enough to not live anywhere near my family, and mr. ralph? Well he is the most understanding person I know. He loved me large and has not once said or done anything to add pressure to my journey. Any fingers that need to be pointed all stare at me.

The compliments have only really just begun to pour in at work, and no one has been overly intrusive. If I were in the US I'm pretty sure it would be different, but people here tend keep to themselves, and weight-loss is an issue that they feel is quite personal. No one has asked how much I've got left to lose, I offer it up at any given chance. I think it is a self-depreciating way of reminding myself I'm not finished yet, and I shouldn't feel great about my accomplishments.

I know that this means that I've got a lot to think about, and a lot to work on. I would love it if I could say I'm the girl that has it all together, and that these last few kilos were just going to melt away and of course take with them, all my troubles. But it is not going to happen. It was never going to happen that way. I couldn't have made it this far if I thought that, but wouldn't it be awesome if it could be true?

Don't worry about me. I'll perk up sooner or later, I just hope it is more sooner than later.