Okay. I do get the point. I know it may seem silly for me to keep hammering on about the same 5-6 kilos I have left to loose, when you see pictures that clearly demonstrate that I do not look like a girl that should be on a diet.
I love you honestyrain, I really do. You're one of my top 5 favorite bloggers. Your comment yesterday meant a lot to me because I know why you wrote it, and I know you meant well, but the truth is this is not about being on a diet.
It is about reaching goal. When I started out on this journey so very long ago at 105 kilos I made the goal to be 63 kilos. If I stop now what kind of person would I be?
I can't stop. I have to reach my goal because it is what I set out to do. I know that being 68 kilos isn't that bad, and I can look in the mirror, take pictures, where fitted shirts, wear belts, and sleeveless shirts without any embarrassment. But I am still not at goal.
I know it is just a number. It isn't the end all be all of my existence, but I need to do it, for myself. I need to know that I can see this through.
A lot of what I am going through right now is exactly how you describe. I am indeed afraid, hopelessly nah helplessly afraid that the weight will pile back on. That one day I will wake up and the blob will be staring at me again. But I think this is normal for someone who once weighed 105 kilos.
I might always dislike my arms, and my thighs, but I've never ever had mini-skirt legs, and I've never had nice sculpted pretty arms. I want to. I don't know if being 63 kilos will give me that, in fact I'm pretty damn sure it won't, but it can't hurt me. It is nowhere near a dangerous weight to be since my healthy weight range goes as low as 51 kilos or some other hilarious digit.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is I do hear you. I agree with a lot you have to say, but I can't give up on this, and to use a very bad saying, the fat lady has not sung and indeed will not until I've made it.
Addendum:
I just read this entry: forever different, following a link from DG's site, and it is basically an entry by a woman who was once obese. It really depressed me to think about how I will always have this battle to keep my weight under control. So depressing. Anyway cheerio.
I love you honestyrain, I really do. You're one of my top 5 favorite bloggers. Your comment yesterday meant a lot to me because I know why you wrote it, and I know you meant well, but the truth is this is not about being on a diet.
It is about reaching goal. When I started out on this journey so very long ago at 105 kilos I made the goal to be 63 kilos. If I stop now what kind of person would I be?
I can't stop. I have to reach my goal because it is what I set out to do. I know that being 68 kilos isn't that bad, and I can look in the mirror, take pictures, where fitted shirts, wear belts, and sleeveless shirts without any embarrassment. But I am still not at goal.
I know it is just a number. It isn't the end all be all of my existence, but I need to do it, for myself. I need to know that I can see this through.
A lot of what I am going through right now is exactly how you describe. I am indeed afraid, hopelessly nah helplessly afraid that the weight will pile back on. That one day I will wake up and the blob will be staring at me again. But I think this is normal for someone who once weighed 105 kilos.
I might always dislike my arms, and my thighs, but I've never ever had mini-skirt legs, and I've never had nice sculpted pretty arms. I want to. I don't know if being 63 kilos will give me that, in fact I'm pretty damn sure it won't, but it can't hurt me. It is nowhere near a dangerous weight to be since my healthy weight range goes as low as 51 kilos or some other hilarious digit.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is I do hear you. I agree with a lot you have to say, but I can't give up on this, and to use a very bad saying, the fat lady has not sung and indeed will not until I've made it.
Addendum:
I just read this entry: forever different, following a link from DG's site, and it is basically an entry by a woman who was once obese. It really depressed me to think about how I will always have this battle to keep my weight under control. So depressing. Anyway cheerio.
Comments
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For an alcoholic it's sobriety, a drug addict strives to be clean, but a foodaholic can't abstain from eating food altogether or they'll die.
We are confronted and challenged by our addiction each time we come into contact with food!
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I totally agree with you about reaching your goal. I have been to WW so many times and been a couple of kilos from goal and then stopped going and ultimatly put the weight back on (and plenty more).
You know what is best for you and you know what you need to do to get there.
Keep healthy,
Richo
This entry did bring about one question in my mind though. How did you chose 63 as a goal?
Yep, its a number. Yep, it's also your goal but was it the goal when you were at 105kilos?
My point is, you have lived a journey where you have constantly had to re-evaluate exercise, food choices etc. Was the 63 kg goal re-evaluated when you got closer to goal.
For example, some people get to goal, still feel like their body needs work and goes further. Some people become quite athletic and at their goal weight it feels too small for their body fat readings.
Would you explain it for us in your next entry?
(I've re-read my comment and it sounds judgemental. It REALLY isn't. It's an honest query from someone has never understood goal weight estimations)
Dammit.
Cuppa tea? *giggles*
i adore you, you know that, and i'm sorry if i was harsh the other day. i hate to see you be hard on yourself. i worry about what you have planned for your next goal.
big huge hugs.
Kudos!
Here via michele!
Mr. Morris
Ask Morris
If your body is comfortably maintaining the 68, than maybe that's where it wants/needs to be.
Hang in there - we're here for you no matter what you decide...