Today I am having difficulty releasing old anger. Something happened last night that opened up a wound that today is bleeding excessively. I have to apply and reapply the bandages. But I'm still bleeding all over the place. I don't want to feel so hurt anymore.
So I continue on my road in search of forgiveness, and today more so than yesterday the theme seems very appropriate.
I've been reading my favourite book because it is like my guardian angel, my god, my helper, my avenger, and my therapist all wrapped into one and it helps me so much. I affectionately call it my biblia, which is bible in Spanish. I have read some of the same passages so many times I can’t count them. Most of the quotes from the last few entries have been from it, as you are probably already aware!
There are a few misconceptions held about forgiveness.
Many people have trouble with it because they have been told that it is a singular act that must be completed in one sitting. This is not so, forgiveness has many layers and many seasons. In our culture there is a notion that it is a 100% proposition. All or nothing. It is also taught that forgiveness means to overlook an act as if it never occurred, this is not true either.
The important part of forgiveness is to begin and continue. The finishing of it all is a life's work.
Clarissa Estes breaks down forgiveness into four different stages, and anyone can be at any one of these stages at anytime.
I am still trying to figure out what stage I'm in, I think I am stuck somewhere between stage one and stage two. I wish I could say I was at least in stage three but I know that I'm not. It would be great to be able to say that I do not dwell on any of it, but I still do.
In stage one, forgoing is the act of taking a break from thinking about the person or the event for a while. It is not leaving something, but more like taking a vacation from it. It prevents us from getting exhausted and lets us strengthen and have other kinds of happiness in our lives without the issue getting in the way.
When you are forgoing you take up a hobby, you read, you write, you create, you do things that help strengthen you and help you drop away for a little while.
I am positive I'm well into this stage and great things are happening.
I've begun reading again, as evidenced here and I've taken up writing as well, also evidenced here! And although still new to me, I took up cycling quite a few months ago.
I can't believe how much I love cycling. One of my dearest friends in the whole world let me ride one of her bikes one morning when I had spent the previous night with her and I loved it so much that I bought one straight away and have been enjoying it ever since.
I know when I go too long without riding I get very cranky and after I get on the bike again for a few hours I feel lighter, it is where I find joy, and the bonus is I've also gotten a bit fitter.
One of the funniest things is in the past 4 years I've gotten to know a few people who cycle everyday to and from work and have been really cycling in groups. Not once in that time have I thought that it would be something I would eventually take up myself, or how much I would love it. But I do.
My mother told me that she isn't surprised by it because she remembers how much I loved it as a kid. I don’t know why it took me so long to discover it again, but I'm sure glad I did.
I haven't been out a lot lately because it is very cold, and wet in this part of the world and this winter I have been plagued with 2 really severe flu/colds.
I'm hanging out for spring though, I can’t wait to get back to riding daily, which I was doing about 3 months ago.
Thing is, I didn't ride today.
Quotes above from Clarissa Pinkola Estes Women Who Run With The Wolves
So I continue on my road in search of forgiveness, and today more so than yesterday the theme seems very appropriate.
I've been reading my favourite book because it is like my guardian angel, my god, my helper, my avenger, and my therapist all wrapped into one and it helps me so much. I affectionately call it my biblia, which is bible in Spanish. I have read some of the same passages so many times I can’t count them. Most of the quotes from the last few entries have been from it, as you are probably already aware!
There are a few misconceptions held about forgiveness.
Many people have trouble with it because they have been told that it is a singular act that must be completed in one sitting. This is not so, forgiveness has many layers and many seasons. In our culture there is a notion that it is a 100% proposition. All or nothing. It is also taught that forgiveness means to overlook an act as if it never occurred, this is not true either.
The important part of forgiveness is to begin and continue. The finishing of it all is a life's work.
Clarissa Estes breaks down forgiveness into four different stages, and anyone can be at any one of these stages at anytime.
to forego: to leave it alone
to foreber: to abstain from punishing
to forget: to aver from memory, to refuse to dwell
to forgive: to abandon the debt
I am still trying to figure out what stage I'm in, I think I am stuck somewhere between stage one and stage two. I wish I could say I was at least in stage three but I know that I'm not. It would be great to be able to say that I do not dwell on any of it, but I still do.
In stage one, forgoing is the act of taking a break from thinking about the person or the event for a while. It is not leaving something, but more like taking a vacation from it. It prevents us from getting exhausted and lets us strengthen and have other kinds of happiness in our lives without the issue getting in the way.
When you are forgoing you take up a hobby, you read, you write, you create, you do things that help strengthen you and help you drop away for a little while.
I am positive I'm well into this stage and great things are happening.
I've begun reading again, as evidenced here and I've taken up writing as well, also evidenced here! And although still new to me, I took up cycling quite a few months ago.
I can't believe how much I love cycling. One of my dearest friends in the whole world let me ride one of her bikes one morning when I had spent the previous night with her and I loved it so much that I bought one straight away and have been enjoying it ever since.
I know when I go too long without riding I get very cranky and after I get on the bike again for a few hours I feel lighter, it is where I find joy, and the bonus is I've also gotten a bit fitter.
One of the funniest things is in the past 4 years I've gotten to know a few people who cycle everyday to and from work and have been really cycling in groups. Not once in that time have I thought that it would be something I would eventually take up myself, or how much I would love it. But I do.
My mother told me that she isn't surprised by it because she remembers how much I loved it as a kid. I don’t know why it took me so long to discover it again, but I'm sure glad I did.
I haven't been out a lot lately because it is very cold, and wet in this part of the world and this winter I have been plagued with 2 really severe flu/colds.
I'm hanging out for spring though, I can’t wait to get back to riding daily, which I was doing about 3 months ago.
Thing is, I didn't ride today.
Quotes above from Clarissa Pinkola Estes Women Who Run With The Wolves
Comments
We usually dislike, hate, envy become vendictive towards someone - or ourselves - for things they - or we - did. That proved wrong. Or where unfair to us. Or others.
As if it never occured to us that there was wrong involved from the start.
Assuming responsibility and admitting our parts is what brings calmness.
People never do to us things we do not allow them to do. Entering any situation that has options to hurt us is our own decision and we need to be adult enough.
It's like using the credit cards.
Sometimes we go on and on on shopping sprees cos it feels like all we have to do is use a piece of plastic.
Unfortunatelly...there is always a bill to pay. It's often useful to think of our budgets beforehand. Then we don't have to regret that last fancy dress we got ;)
Your words speak also of your courage and strength, qualities which many people don't realize that they sadly lack.
Be brave, for you are brave.