Yesterday the woman that I ride to work with really threw me for a loop. I don't talk about her that much because we have zip in common. A lot of times she frustrates me because she is the kind of person that only talks and never listens. I've learned to just ask her 1 question about her and she will talk the entire way to and from work and I don't have to worry about making conversation.
But yesterday... You see I had this gut feeling she was mad with me but she had not told me about it. Instead she has been quiet in the car, even when I ask her the questions. So I sent her an email at work early on (say 7:40ish) and she never responded to it.
This was not a good sign, but I tried not to let it bother me. I was so tired yesterday that I felt ill.
So when we got in the car to go home she flew into me. She told me she was angry at me because I didn't apologize to her for a day last week that I overslept. I was taken aback because not only did I apologize, but I thought I had done so more than once. I spoke to her on my way to log in (as I was late to work) and then emailed her to say how sorry I was and thankful that she had rung because I was sound asleep. These pain meds have been hard to control and that particular morning mr. ralph had set his ipod (for the first time) as my alarm clock and the sound was on 0.
Talk about craziness. When I asked about the email she just flicked me off saying it was not an apology in her eyes and that she feels I just expect her to come and get me. Then she said that if I am not waiting for her by the curb when she drives past from now on she is going to leave me behind (as if I am a chronic last person).
Now I admittedly have been the occasional few minutes (1%) late walking out to the car, but 80% of the time I am waiting for her; and the other 19% we show up at the curb at exactly the same time.
I was so tired and in such shock that I just began to cry. I already know that she is a very bullheaded and thick person from previous experience so in her mind she had spent an entire weekend convincing herself that I am an ungrateful chronic late person that takes advantage of her.
It is so far from the truth though. I always thank her, I never say anything when she is 5-10 minutes late while I am waiting on the corner in the cold, or rain for her. I always pay her even though she doesn't ask. I give her presents on her birthday and at Christmas (she has given me one gift ever).
I cried in silence for a long time because she actually called me her daughter's name by accident and then corrected herself and said she didn't want "drama" She said, "you wanted to know what was wrong so I told you. It is over now. If you want me to pick you up just be on time, otherwise I won't. I already have a 19 year old that acts just the same as you."
Unbelievable. This woman was scolding me as if I was a child throwing a tantrum when I was undeniably hurting.
Closer to my house I told her it hurt me very deeply that she thinks I am ungrateful for what she does for me and how sorry I am, and what did she say? "I already said I don't want drama if you aren't on time I won't stop. That's it. I have nothing else to say."
So just like that she refused to accept that I was sorry.
I couldn't stop crying. I cried for 4 hours and did not eat my dinner. I went to bed at 9:30 with a screaming headache and now I have too huge puffy eyes.
I didn't know what to do. Instincts tell me to tell her to fuck off. I can ride the bus, yes it is an inconvenience, but I could do it. I did it before I met her. I could post an email on the server at work message boards looking for someone else in my area who would be happy to take my $ for gas.
And although I still may do all of that I did what most will think is stupid. I bought her a plant and a card. I wrote everything that was the opposite of what I think and feel because I know this is what she wants to hear. She wants me to grovel, to take my penance for being so "ungrateful". I will give this to her tomorrow and then I will ride with her in silence until I find someone else to take me to work.
If it is unbearable after the groveling I will politely tell her I don't need a ride anymore.
I hate groveling to someone who is so thick and stupid and who treated me like a dog when I was crying, but I did this because I am the better person. When she reads my card maybe, just maybe she will feel guilt for the way she treated me.
But there is something I believe in more than anything else and that is Karma. It will come back to her. She will see how wrong she is, or she wont. But one day she will feel what I felt last night.
So because I couldn't sleep I am up early. I will be waiting outside 10 minutes early for her, lest she come early and use an excuse to leave me and make me late for work.
Maybe tomorrow afternoon I will have had an apology, but I doubt it. It takes a very stupid person to not see someone else in pain and not feel for them. She caused me so much agony with how she treated me and yet did not flinch. I find that my tenderhearted nature is sometimes a curse or a blessing. Yesterday it was a curse.
But yesterday... You see I had this gut feeling she was mad with me but she had not told me about it. Instead she has been quiet in the car, even when I ask her the questions. So I sent her an email at work early on (say 7:40ish) and she never responded to it.
This was not a good sign, but I tried not to let it bother me. I was so tired yesterday that I felt ill.
So when we got in the car to go home she flew into me. She told me she was angry at me because I didn't apologize to her for a day last week that I overslept. I was taken aback because not only did I apologize, but I thought I had done so more than once. I spoke to her on my way to log in (as I was late to work) and then emailed her to say how sorry I was and thankful that she had rung because I was sound asleep. These pain meds have been hard to control and that particular morning mr. ralph had set his ipod (for the first time) as my alarm clock and the sound was on 0.
Talk about craziness. When I asked about the email she just flicked me off saying it was not an apology in her eyes and that she feels I just expect her to come and get me. Then she said that if I am not waiting for her by the curb when she drives past from now on she is going to leave me behind (as if I am a chronic last person).
Now I admittedly have been the occasional few minutes (1%) late walking out to the car, but 80% of the time I am waiting for her; and the other 19% we show up at the curb at exactly the same time.
I was so tired and in such shock that I just began to cry. I already know that she is a very bullheaded and thick person from previous experience so in her mind she had spent an entire weekend convincing herself that I am an ungrateful chronic late person that takes advantage of her.
It is so far from the truth though. I always thank her, I never say anything when she is 5-10 minutes late while I am waiting on the corner in the cold, or rain for her. I always pay her even though she doesn't ask. I give her presents on her birthday and at Christmas (she has given me one gift ever).
I cried in silence for a long time because she actually called me her daughter's name by accident and then corrected herself and said she didn't want "drama" She said, "you wanted to know what was wrong so I told you. It is over now. If you want me to pick you up just be on time, otherwise I won't. I already have a 19 year old that acts just the same as you."
Unbelievable. This woman was scolding me as if I was a child throwing a tantrum when I was undeniably hurting.
Closer to my house I told her it hurt me very deeply that she thinks I am ungrateful for what she does for me and how sorry I am, and what did she say? "I already said I don't want drama if you aren't on time I won't stop. That's it. I have nothing else to say."
So just like that she refused to accept that I was sorry.
I couldn't stop crying. I cried for 4 hours and did not eat my dinner. I went to bed at 9:30 with a screaming headache and now I have too huge puffy eyes.
I didn't know what to do. Instincts tell me to tell her to fuck off. I can ride the bus, yes it is an inconvenience, but I could do it. I did it before I met her. I could post an email on the server at work message boards looking for someone else in my area who would be happy to take my $ for gas.
And although I still may do all of that I did what most will think is stupid. I bought her a plant and a card. I wrote everything that was the opposite of what I think and feel because I know this is what she wants to hear. She wants me to grovel, to take my penance for being so "ungrateful". I will give this to her tomorrow and then I will ride with her in silence until I find someone else to take me to work.
If it is unbearable after the groveling I will politely tell her I don't need a ride anymore.
I hate groveling to someone who is so thick and stupid and who treated me like a dog when I was crying, but I did this because I am the better person. When she reads my card maybe, just maybe she will feel guilt for the way she treated me.
But there is something I believe in more than anything else and that is Karma. It will come back to her. She will see how wrong she is, or she wont. But one day she will feel what I felt last night.
So because I couldn't sleep I am up early. I will be waiting outside 10 minutes early for her, lest she come early and use an excuse to leave me and make me late for work.
Maybe tomorrow afternoon I will have had an apology, but I doubt it. It takes a very stupid person to not see someone else in pain and not feel for them. She caused me so much agony with how she treated me and yet did not flinch. I find that my tenderhearted nature is sometimes a curse or a blessing. Yesterday it was a curse.
Comments
((((HUGS))))
I hope you find someone nice to get a lift with - nobody needs to have to deal with that kind of stuff.
As furious as I was reading this post, I need to refer to something he says daily in his shows and reinforces in his book.
"We teach people how to treat us".
If you are naturally submissive, unfortunately revolting bully people like this woman will take utter advantage of you.
Why would you want her to feel guilt for the way she treated you. Stand up, tell her it was completely uncalled for. You apologised to her already. Thank her for what she has done already then be proactive and find another ride.
It drives me nuts that people can take our power from us. Unfortunately, it is only us that allows them to do that.
I have no doubt you will draw strength and go about your business and forget this disgusting excuse for a 'woman'.
You should let the air out of her tires!
Keep your chin up and remember, you're the better person.
oh mate, that is just so so so wrong, it really does sound like she is taking some other crap in her life out on you. you should not have to grovel. don't let her trample on your dignity! you deserve so much better than that :)