livingforrecovery

Remember how I wanted to be at goal by May 20th? Bah! I had a disappointing weigh-in today by gaining back 200 grams. I now weigh 65.2 kilos. It could be a lot worse though because mid-week I was up 2 kilos! I have a confession to make. Winter is my worst season. All I want to do is eat. Being cold makes me feel awful and I think that I must have experienced a lot of trauma during colder months because I always feel more susceptible to overeating for emotional reasons. Also warmer food = more kilojoules. This is fact. When I eat my trusty salads and tinned fish like salmon or tuna, I always end up craving something thick and warm instead like toasted bread or a big bowl of fat laden creamy soup that they serve up in our canteen. I have been making very low-Cal veggie soups for the past two weeks, but I've failed to be successful this week with my weight loss because I ate like a pig last weekend and no amount of cutting back during the week could save me. Plus I hate winter ...

So it is Friday morning and of course you know I jumped on the scale first thing. I've had a pretty up and down week because I was so excited on Saturday when I lost the 800 grams that I then proceeded to eat and eat and eat. This is just one of those things though. I know that next week I will get back on track and before long I will be at goal and still I will have weeks like this. My weight is not going to magically stablilze. But don't I wish it would? I'm still mulling over this fat versus skinny feeling I have about myself. Yesterday I tried on a size 10 short jean skirt and cringed at the cellulite and fatty bits I could see on my legs. I know that if I had on black tights it wouldn't look that bad and even though the skirt was a steal at $10 because it was the last one she had in stock I still didn't buy it because the gremlins in my head were going working over time convincing me I looked like a fat cow in it. Usually I can put these voices at bay b...

I don't have a lot of time to update because I crazily agreed to work an hour over-time this morning. Things have been hectic in my personal life. I have to update everyone when I get a lot more time to sit and write. Thanks so much for all your compliments on the dress, and my (smile) legs. I still read most of them and think, "oh they're just saying those things to be nice." Why? Because I still don't like my legs very much. Yesterday I wore an above the knee skirt but with dark leggings and the woman who sits next to me gave me a nudge and a giggle and said, "Wow look at you in your little skirt!" When I walked away going towards the break room I thought, "Was she implying that I shouldn't wear this?" I know she wasn't, but that is how insecure I am about these legs! Ok, one last thing I literally have to rush now, I redesigned Argy's site for her. Go check her out!

This week I lost a whopping 800 grams, I now weigh 65 kilos, and am only 2 kilos away from goal. Last night I went to a friends 21st/engagement party and the compliments kept pouring in. It felt so good. My friend Sarah even said I had skinny legs, I don't know about that... but it was the first time I've ever worn a dress above my knee and didn't feel like a fat blob. I'm very happy about the 800 gram loss from last week. Although I did drink a lot, and I ate a lot of junk food yesterday, so I'm treading lightly today with my headache. I plan to eat lightly too, because I need to go into damage control so this week wont be ruined. Here is a picture from last night. And the three of us all wore purple and this was not planned. Here is one that shows my silhouette, although not a great shot. I wanted you to see the dress!

As some of you may know I love butterflies. I've always liked them, but the fact that the butterfly was once a caterpillar is the most amazing things about them. Right now I feel like a butterfly that has finally been freed from its cocoon. This weekend I gave away another huge load of clothes that don't fit me anymore and I have several bags just waiting to be dropped off at the donation centre. It feels incredible to put on a pair of jeans that once fit snug and now be able to pull them off without unbuttoning them. I've been lucky over the past week in my search for smaller, fashionable clothes at my local Goodwill and Salvation Army. I've found some really good deals and even have a few designer brands, and all are size Au-10, most have even already been altered for someone as short as me, which is an added bonus. Sometimes I have to pinch myself because I think there is no way I fit into a size 10 anything, let alone pants. It is surreal. I have been thinkin...

So yes, as you have probably read, Saturday was a junk food day. But after I got that out of my system, I got up on Sunday and went for a 45 minute walk. During that time I was thinking about this whole process. Yes, it really made me angry to not have a bigger loss during the detox, but nothing is worth going backwards over. I don't even know if I could go backwards now, healthy eating is so ingrained in me. So after going nuts in the grocery store I'm not eating normal again, and I couldn't be happier! Things I bought that I couldn't eat on the detox: peaches, nestle yogurt, tomatoes, cucumbers, tuna, skim milk, coffee, prawns, vita wheat biscuits, and lean mince meat. Last night we ate the BEST prawn stir-fry and my serving was only 3 points! I can't believe a low-point food such as prawns tastes so yummy. I also bought an aero chocolate bar that I still haven't eaten, I'm saving this 3 1/2 point treat for a desperate moment. I also found my super...

So yesterday was weigh-in day. Well, instead of losing copious amounts of weight like the detox promised, I actually gained 200 grams. Words cannot describe how I felt. When I eat a lot of crap and gain weight I know that I am the only one to blame, but when you do everything right and you find that instead of seeing your weight drop, you actually gain, there is nothing to blame it on. I left the meeting without staying for the lesson because as I walked back to the car I burst into tears. I sat there and sobbed for a while talking to mr. ralph about how I felt. From that point on I knew that the detox was toast. So this morning reading all your comments about how proud of me you all are made me feel worse. Don't be proud of me. I had one of the worst emotional eating days of all time. I ate KFC for lunch with a twister wrap thing and some fries, I ate frozen fish (although the lowfat one from the freezer section) and some frozen fries along with 3 beers and a CC and dry for...

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've actually attempted to a few times but we've been having problems with our internet connection. It seems it has worked itself out now. The truth is, I've also been very apathetic about this week. It is not that I haven't stuck to my detox, or kept within my points range, because I have. But I haven't been exercising and I haven't felt very excited about anything. I've been feeling very run down and I started having pain again in my left shoulder/back. I've also had a lot of stress at work, which for me takes all of my energy. You have no idea how glad I am this detox is almost over. I know I signed up for this voluntarily, there was no one there twisting my arm. But this has become one of the longest 3 weeks of my life. It was easy at first, because I basically don't eat a lot of junk anyway. The first week went by really quickly, but now that I'm only a few days away from the finish line I can ...

I'm feeling slightly under the weather. Not enough to call in sick to work (although I wish I could), but just enough to make me feel ick. I've had a sore throat and have felt really tired. I've been wondering if a lot of my tiredness is due to a lack of iron. I haven't taken any supplements on this detox, but I think that Dr. Joshi's book actually recommends you take them. How silly am I for not even thinking about that? Oh well. I don't feel like spending a lot of money on supplements either. I've got one more week to go. On Friday at work someone who had their birthday on the weekend left a piece of chocolate mud cake on my desk before I could tell them no thanks, they left. I was staring at this cake so hard. You'd be proud though, I gave it to another guy that sits next to me and didn't think another thing of it. Yesterday we took mr. ralph's mum out for Mother's Day and the desserts on the menu looked so yummy! And afterwards h...

Yesterday I went shopping with my best aussie girlfriend. It was a nice day since we don't see each other that often now that she doesn't work with me anymore. Will you believe I found a cord jacket for $10? Well I did. It was such a bargain! I've been so focused on trying to eat right and exercise enough that I've seriously neglected other areas of my life, especially my love life. I had to come to grips with the fact that my husband and I have been living more like roommates than a married couple for a little too long now. Remember when I had that great idea that we would do date nights? Well, we did two of them and we haven't had a romantic date since our anniversary. I'm so ashamed. This past week mr. ralph has been experiencing a lot of pain from what we think is acid reflux. The problem comes and goes, but our doctor hasn't been able to find a drug that helps him so a few months ago he went to see a specialist. He was meant to organics having ...

I can't believe I've actually made it this far, but I have. And I have taken a semi-liking to gluten and wheat free bread, but only when it is toasted in the grill. I don't allow myself it but 2-3 times a week though. Bread to me is still bread and bread equals bloat. I wasn't very impressed with my weigh-in, but as my title says, every little bit counts. I now weigh 65.6 and lost a total of 400 grams this week. It really isn't much since I'm trying to reach 63 by May 20th, but I have to accept that I just may not reach it by my deadline. It won't be the end of the world. I know that. I have not thrown in the towel yet though, as I still have 2 weeks to get my ass in gear. I will fight till the very end, and even then, keep going. May 20th will come and go, but I have to live in this body forever. Does anyone out there know if chai tea has caffeine, the kind they serve in coffee bars... I had one today with soy milk and it was so yummy. And then I ...

I'm doing okay still. Haven't fallen off the detox wagon, and I still haven't found the scale. The truth is I haven't looked for it, I doubt there are too many places in our small flat that he could have hid it, but I'm not that desperate. I really would like to know today how I'm doing, but I guess tomorrow morning will be a surprise as I have no idea what to expect. I'm apprehensive about it, but if this is how it has to be... then so be it. I'm on my way out the door in the dark hours of the morning to go to work.

At work today compliments were pouring in about my weight loss. It is weird how this happens. In the time that I've been working here I've lost just over 15 kilos, and people started noticing after the first 5, but then the compliments all but dried up. It is as if all of a sudden when I am just 3 kilos away from goal they're really noticing. It feels so good to have others see the difference in me.

Hello everyone. No I did not weigh myself this morning. But it wasn't because I didn't want to. I did of course want to weigh myself first thing this morning, I'm not ready to cut loose my habit. I am like a drug addict longing for my next fix. honestyrain is right. I'm not ready to go cold turkey. My wonderful mr. ralph read my entry yesterday afternoon, with all your comments and when I got home and made a trip to the loo, I looked down and it was gone. He hid it. He told me that he knew I couldn't do it so he hid it from me. I asked him a few times where he put it, but then I let it go. I was thinking to myself, "Now how will I know how I'm doing? I can't weigh myself on Friday morning? I do that every week?!" Then I remembered what I would do if I didn't own a scale. The same thing. I would eat healthy foods within my points allowance, I would drink lots of water, and I would exercise as much as I can within my limits. And i...

I've got a bad habit of weighing myself everyday. For the past 2 days the scales say that I have gained a kilo since my weigh-in. My mind refuses to accept this as fact, but seeing the number there has been driving me insane. Is there such a thing as post-menstrual bloat? I have been sticking to my points, I'm actually under for the week so far on the Wendie Plan, and I'm sticking to my detox. On the exercise front I'm not doing as well as last week, but I have exercised 3 times including a 30 minute power walk this morning. I know that my weight fluctuates for all sorts of reasons and I shouldn't do this to myself, but now its been done and I can't get it out of my mind. I really am obsessed. I feel great, I look great. I've never been happier with the way clothes fit me, but these last few kilos are seriously driving me to the brink of insanity. I'm beginning to wonder if the May 20th (Slimmer of the Year) deadline is doing my emotional stability ...