Skip to main content

Broken

When I talk about my life it always seems like I come back to that word, cracked, broken, incomplete.. What does it mean to be broken? When I try to relate to other people I find it very difficult. I hide things about the way I think and feel because I know that they they will not understand or worse they may judge me. Lately I feel so isolated in my own thoughts. There is a real lonliness in that, especially since I am someone who yearns for openness.
Food does not judge me. When I eat I am comforted in a way that I am not by the people in my life.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Maybe you should start writing your thoughts down in a diary... I think ik helps to spill it all out (well, it helps me).
Don't find comfort in food, it will make you feel more miserable in the end.
Have you ever thought of some powerwalking? I realise it might sound stupid but a friend of mine used to do that for a half hour before she started her workday to list all the points. It helped her a lot (AND it was good for her figure :)

((hugg))
5:06 am
Denise said…
As someone who's been where you are, I really think you need to find someone professional to talk to about how you're feeling. Certainly writing your feelings down is helpful, but a therapist will give you ideas about how to feel better and that's what you need, my dear.
4:28 am
Belladora said…
I understand where you are coming from.

I still look forward to seeing you post. I check in almost everyday:)
3:27 am
...jus me said…
I thoroughly understand! I feel the same way from time to time. If you want to do a diary but have no one read it...do a new blog that is password protected and just don't give anyone the password. Do it for you! One nice thing about this is no one will be judging you and unlike food, it will not harm you. Another nice thing is...you can go back and read from the beginning whenever you want and a funny thing happens when you do that...you realize that you are growing and don't feel that way anymore. Good luck on whatever you decide to do. I will be praying for you!
8:22 am
Anonymous said…
I'm so glad to see you're back here blogging... please don't go. I can totally understand the feeling of being broken. I fight with that feeling myself, a lot.

I'd do what jus me recommends - write your feelings down. In a diary, online (password protected), start another anonymous blog and write it down.

Maybe seeing someone might help - who's trained to help people with these sorts of feelings. I know it really helped me.

*hugs*
3:26 am
Anonymous said…
Grrr...
I stopped reading your blog just after you started seeing the therapist. I thought that this time when I check back in, things would be different. Apparently not!
I've read the comments from your friends & there seems to be a theme... Take positive steps to move forward!!
The power of the mind to heal the body is beyond belief.
Please try. I'll check back with you soon
10:59 am
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A trip down memory lane

Hello to all of you all of you coming via Michele , thanks for stopping by and I only hope it was worth the trip over. I began reading through the questions on the Slimmer of The Year application today. Of course there are so many things I want to include, but I can't possibly write everything I want to or they will be getting a novel. When I started thinking of how long I have been overweight and the reasons I struggled for so long with food and weight issues a lot of memories came back to me. I've been challanged by my weight for most of my life. Granted some of that time I only thought I was fat when I really wasn't. The point is that I have been fat inside my head for as long as I can remember. One of the most shameful and embarrassing moments was when I was 15 and some of the boys in my class thought it was funny to sing "thunder, thunder, thunder thighs hooooooo!" when they saw me coming to the tune of the cartoon "Thunder Cats." That experie...
20 comments
Read more

Weigh-in March 5th

I weighed in at 68.1, and was amazed to discover that I lost 800 grams this week. I've only got just over 5 kilos left to lose before I reach my goal. Like WOW. I mean wow. I am pinching myself. Can you believe this? A weight loss 2 weeks in a row?!?! I mean jeez, imagine what I could do if I got my butt up off the couch and started exercising. I think I owe it all to the Wendie Plan, which by the way I told all my fellow weight watcher' members about today. I tried to tell them anyway, but I couldn't say a whole lot because our leader likes to hog all the air time. It is weird. I've never felt so shut down in a place where we should all be sharing our ideas with each other. Isn't it a support group, not a one-woman-show? Plus she is boring and only talks about the same thing over and over again. I've heard enough about low GI foods, exercising, how her daughter is a dancer, and how good it is to eat protein for breakfast. I would try out a different ...
9 comments
Read more

Butterflies

As some of you may know I love butterflies. I've always liked them, but the fact that the butterfly was once a caterpillar is the most amazing things about them. Right now I feel like a butterfly that has finally been freed from its cocoon. This weekend I gave away another huge load of clothes that don't fit me anymore and I have several bags just waiting to be dropped off at the donation centre. It feels incredible to put on a pair of jeans that once fit snug and now be able to pull them off without unbuttoning them. I've been lucky over the past week in my search for smaller, fashionable clothes at my local Goodwill and Salvation Army. I've found some really good deals and even have a few designer brands, and all are size Au-10, most have even already been altered for someone as short as me, which is an added bonus. Sometimes I have to pinch myself because I think there is no way I fit into a size 10 anything, let alone pants. It is surreal. I have been thinkin...
9 comments
Read more