I know it seems that all I do lately is complain. I know that it is crazy to allow this rut to continue, but I feel like I've fallen in a hole and can't get out of it, and when I do, I somehow find my way back to it again.
I've definitely been here before, I remember it very clearly. Back then the scale was stuck at around 87, not 67. What is the major problem? I lack the most essential ingredient needed to get my bum in gear, motivation.
I feel bad that I am not at goal yet, but not bad enough to move my arse.
So much is going on. I'm worried about my family, I'm worried about finances, I'm worried about my neck and worried that the new bulge may lead to another spinal fusion. I'm worried that work cover will not accept my new claim.
I hate to be so up and down here and it even worries me that my readers see me floundering around with my commitment to getting to goal, but I don't want to stop writing here. This is my sanctuary. This is the one place I can come to and be the most candid about the 125 gram tin of coconut cream flavored peanuts I devoured last night, and then felt ill afterwards.
You know what I mean?
I appreciate the advice you guys give, and all of the encouragement. I don't know how I ever survived without it, and I am so grateful that you care enough to stop by and comment.
I've been thinking about this poem lately that I found in the book The Courage to Heal, so I share it with you now:
1. I'm walking down a road.
There is a deep hole in the pavement.
I fall into it.
I'm lost...
I'm without hope.
It's not my fault.
It takes ages to get out of it.
2. I'm walking down the same road.
There is a deep hole in the pavement.
I pretend that I don't see it.
I fall into it again.
I cannot believe that I'm in the same place again.
But it's not my fault.
It still takes very long to get out of it.
3. I'm walking down the same road.
There is a deep hole in the pavement.
I see it.
I still fall into it ... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It's my own fault.
I get out of it immediately.
4. I'm walking down the same road.
There is a deep hole in the pavement.
I walk around it.
5. I walk down a different road.
I've definitely been here before, I remember it very clearly. Back then the scale was stuck at around 87, not 67. What is the major problem? I lack the most essential ingredient needed to get my bum in gear, motivation.
I feel bad that I am not at goal yet, but not bad enough to move my arse.
So much is going on. I'm worried about my family, I'm worried about finances, I'm worried about my neck and worried that the new bulge may lead to another spinal fusion. I'm worried that work cover will not accept my new claim.
I hate to be so up and down here and it even worries me that my readers see me floundering around with my commitment to getting to goal, but I don't want to stop writing here. This is my sanctuary. This is the one place I can come to and be the most candid about the 125 gram tin of coconut cream flavored peanuts I devoured last night, and then felt ill afterwards.
You know what I mean?
I appreciate the advice you guys give, and all of the encouragement. I don't know how I ever survived without it, and I am so grateful that you care enough to stop by and comment.
I've been thinking about this poem lately that I found in the book The Courage to Heal, so I share it with you now:
1. I'm walking down a road.
There is a deep hole in the pavement.
I fall into it.
I'm lost...
I'm without hope.
It's not my fault.
It takes ages to get out of it.
2. I'm walking down the same road.
There is a deep hole in the pavement.
I pretend that I don't see it.
I fall into it again.
I cannot believe that I'm in the same place again.
But it's not my fault.
It still takes very long to get out of it.
3. I'm walking down the same road.
There is a deep hole in the pavement.
I see it.
I still fall into it ... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It's my own fault.
I get out of it immediately.
4. I'm walking down the same road.
There is a deep hole in the pavement.
I walk around it.
5. I walk down a different road.
Comments
I'm sending my positive thoughts your way. You ALWAYS send them to me, even if you are struggling. Thanks.
I call it an insight into your mind. Good, bad, funny, sad. It's you.
For me personally, I don't think "Wow, she is floundering around with her commitment" because my interest in you is as a person. Your worth isn't about a number to me.
I almost guarantee those who read regularly also don't feel 'let down' because you haven't reached goal yet. Sheeeeesh, most of us are struggling daily with the same fears, financial constraints, etc etc.
We come here because we like you. We feel a connection to you and we care about your well being.
I LOVED that poem by the way. That is a brilliant way to look at things.
Standing on the outside, looking in, I see someone who isn't connecting with a 'payoff'. Previously you felt so passionate about not feeling uncomfortable, or wanting to get into a piece of clothing or other terrific payoffs.
I don't like the word motivation anymore. It is very hard to come by and it comes and goes, so maybe we just need to find the 'pay off' factor. The carrot in front of our face.
What is your new carrot? Would it help to re-establish new goals? I don't mean "I want to lose 5 kilos by Xmas" type goals.
Perhaps fill this out...
By Xmas I want to feel....
By Xmas I my hair will look like..
By Xmas I want to save $..?
By Xmas I want my 10 minute walking distance to be ...
By Xmas I want to be riding a bike from ... to...
By Xmas i want to begin....
Have a little list of acheiveable goals that don't relate directly to your number weight.
Rebeka, you have my phone number, please call if you hit a rock bottom moment. Most days I have no schedule and I could do with the chat myself. :-)
Oh, I feel the same way! Of course, for me I have a lot less credibility, having barely lost 15 pounds since I started my blog... but still, I need it, and I need to talk about whatever and hope my readers understand that I do take what I'm trying to do seriously...
I've been in a rut myself, so I understand. I hope you are feeling better soon... ruts suck.
(hugs)
It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life right now, so maybe putting your weight loss on the back burner is okay, for now. Tell yourself you're going to maintain until you can deal with the other stuff, maybe 2 weeks or so.
Take care and thanks for sharing your life with us.
I believe it holds the key there, you know?
Walk a different road. :o)
I hope you feel better soon.
hopeful
Keep just being you!