After all that talk about feeling good inside my skin and finally feeling thin, I ended up having an emotional eating weekend.
I know I shouldn't have put off attending WW for another week, because if I had gone I would have been grounded with my new plan. Instead I just threw convention to the wind and ate too much.
I think I must enjoy feeling guilty. There really is something to that.
Sometimes I stop and think to myself, "Why are you doing this?" The fact that I am aware at all is good, but to be so self-depreciating feels awful. Knowing how much I sabotage myself makes me feel like I really am crazy.
The past two days have been good ones, although we are eating out tonight. I plan to order a salad and not touch the bread. The place we are going to is not one for having healthy meals but for some reason all of mr. ralph's co-workers who leave always choose this place. It stinks, but I really don't have a choice. I could not eat, but then I'd be starving and it wouldn't look good.
To make things even worse at the moment I am in a lot of pain with my neck and shoulders. Tuesday morning it was so bad it woke me up and I couldn't go back to sleep. This morning when I woke at 2:30am I took some of the strongest pain medicine they sell without a prescription (500mg of Paracetamol with 10mg Codeine) per tablet and when I finally woke this morning I felt all groggy.
I don't know what is essentially causing it this time. I always look for a reason. I know my special pillow with the 3 chambers is due for a restuffing because we've had it for almost a year (since the surgery anyway), but could that really be the cause? I've been taking less breaks at work, and I know that I could have relaxed too much and let slouching come back. The thing is this, I realize that pain is going to be a part of my life from now on, it is just something I have to live with. I wish this wasn't the case, but it is. It doesn't make me feel any better though.
Last night I had mr. ralph rub deep heat into my whole back and I sat in front of the TV with the wheat bag on my neck and shoulders. I feel like an old, cranky, crabby, bloated person at the moment.
Not such a pretty sight.
I know I shouldn't have put off attending WW for another week, because if I had gone I would have been grounded with my new plan. Instead I just threw convention to the wind and ate too much.
I think I must enjoy feeling guilty. There really is something to that.
Sometimes I stop and think to myself, "Why are you doing this?" The fact that I am aware at all is good, but to be so self-depreciating feels awful. Knowing how much I sabotage myself makes me feel like I really am crazy.
The past two days have been good ones, although we are eating out tonight. I plan to order a salad and not touch the bread. The place we are going to is not one for having healthy meals but for some reason all of mr. ralph's co-workers who leave always choose this place. It stinks, but I really don't have a choice. I could not eat, but then I'd be starving and it wouldn't look good.
To make things even worse at the moment I am in a lot of pain with my neck and shoulders. Tuesday morning it was so bad it woke me up and I couldn't go back to sleep. This morning when I woke at 2:30am I took some of the strongest pain medicine they sell without a prescription (500mg of Paracetamol with 10mg Codeine) per tablet and when I finally woke this morning I felt all groggy.
I don't know what is essentially causing it this time. I always look for a reason. I know my special pillow with the 3 chambers is due for a restuffing because we've had it for almost a year (since the surgery anyway), but could that really be the cause? I've been taking less breaks at work, and I know that I could have relaxed too much and let slouching come back. The thing is this, I realize that pain is going to be a part of my life from now on, it is just something I have to live with. I wish this wasn't the case, but it is. It doesn't make me feel any better though.
Last night I had mr. ralph rub deep heat into my whole back and I sat in front of the TV with the wheat bag on my neck and shoulders. I feel like an old, cranky, crabby, bloated person at the moment.
Not such a pretty sight.
Comments
I'm going to add you to my "good reads" list on my site... and I'll be checking in!
I also do WW, the points plan. I love WW. Nothing else worked for me for any real length of time.
Sorry about the neck pain... could it be tension? Stress? I get that, and it leads to headaches.
BTW, we can't buy codeine over the counter here in the US! I was so surprised when I read that, heh. I'd be jealous that it's available without a scrip except I can't take it anyway. It makes me hyper.
Hope you're feeling better!
I think its all about the winter blues. It's really difficult to feel pink when everything is grey outside, especially when you live in a generally sunny place.
hang on in there and repeat after me: I AM thin, I AM beautiful and Argy loves me!!!!
The deep heat and wheat bag sound good though...