Queen of denial

Yes I know my title is also a cheesy country and western song. But if it fits, it fits.

I've missed you guys. I really have. I've come back and let another entire week lapse without writing an entry, and the only reason I've got is that I'm simply uninterested in diet related thoughts. Go figure.

I have been reading your blogs though, and I've noticed a huge decline out there in my side of the blogosphere. I think that winter has put a damper on things.

I didn't do so bad with my eating in Melbourne; even though we ate the occasional fatty meal and had a few drinks, all the walking I did would have fully compensated for those things. Even so, when I got back I was terrified of the scale. I avoided it like the plague until finally curiosity got the best of me yesterday morning. The results? 66 Kilos. Well it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be, in fact if I remember correctly I was already up to 66 kilos before we left on the trip.

I don't feel that bad about it. I really don't. In fact internally I feel quite the opposite. This week I've felt awesome inside my skin. I actually feel thin, and last night the most amazing thing happened.

I stayed after work because my employer did another free drink gig after hours. I think they had a lot leftover that needed to be used. And because they hardly ever give us anything free I thought I had better stay. Plus I made a few friends at the last one and feel that the more I put myself out there, the more friends I will end up with at work. Seems to be going okay too since I got to talk to a few more new people last night.

Anyway let me get to the point. There is this new girl that I've been noticing since she stared about a month ago. The reason is simple, she is a very pretty girl, but she is also overweight. I always feel like I have some sort of kinship with other women who struggle with their weight. Anyway I've never spoken to her until last night when myself and another one of my team mates were sitting with her (she isn't on my team) but my team mate and her started on the same day. For some reason she announced to us how much she weighs (80 kilos) and then proceeded to tell us that we wouldn't understand her weight problems because, "you are both skinny girls."

I started to interrupt her to tell her about my 40 kilos and how I understand more than she realizes, but she never took a breath and by the time she finished her story, she wandered off. She doesn't seem the listening type, more of a blurter.

But the interesting part is this: I have never been a skinny girl. I told mr. ralph last night how amazed I was that someone actually thinks that I am "skinny". In my head I may always be a "fat chick".

If the truth be known though, I am making progress in the right direction. I know that when it comes to eating I now have a lot more control over what is going on than I ever did before. I make constant decisions on what I should eat, and what I want to eat, where as before I just ate.

So, I still have 3 kilos to go before I reach my goal weight. I've not forgotten about that, trust me it is on my mind. I received a letter from Weight Watchers telling me they will happily forego any missed meeting fees if I just come back by the middle of August. So, I have decided that I will not be going today, but will return next Saturday with a new attitude. I will count my points this week, but I will do it the normal way. I will re-evaluate what I want to do, and how I plan to reach goal. But I've given myself another week to think about these things.

Please say hello to me if you're there, as I've said earlier I miss you guys.