Skip to main content

This is heaven to no one else but me...

The last day of our Anna Stewart Memorial Project we were asked to create something to present to everyone that talked about our personal experience over the last 2 weeks. One of the suggestions was to write a poem. I decided to join that group, but as I was sitting there around the table with the others in my group I felt this enormous pressure to write and nothing was coming out. Everyone at the table of course remembered from earlier that I mentioned one of the things that I do in my spare time is um, write.

Yesterday on the bus I had to write. I had all these thoughts and feelings swirling around... I felt compelled and I didn't have a notebook but instead wrote on the back of something I had been carrying around in my bag.

Today? Nothing.

I had a very interesting session with R. this week. I felt like she did all of the talking. There was so much I wanted to say, but more importantly I did not want to hear her.

Although this week I have noticed that I have lost weight (don't know how much), she pointed out that emotionally it seems I am trying to sabotage myself.

Now why would I want to do that?

Because I am broken.

... to be continued.

Comments

Anonymous said…
heya sweety! I really feel like I have failed you. You are such a supportive and beautiful person and here I a stuck in bloody self obsession! anyhow, I am coming to Adelaide next weekend - are you up for a coffee?I might not have a lot of time, but I could definitely squeeze you in. ps - i have lost your phone number - please message me.
7:02 pm
Anonymous said…
i sabotage myself too. all the time. for a lot of reasons. i know what they are and have for a long time. but it's not easy to stop a bad habit.
1:28 am
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A trip down memory lane

Hello to all of you all of you coming via Michele , thanks for stopping by and I only hope it was worth the trip over. I began reading through the questions on the Slimmer of The Year application today. Of course there are so many things I want to include, but I can't possibly write everything I want to or they will be getting a novel. When I started thinking of how long I have been overweight and the reasons I struggled for so long with food and weight issues a lot of memories came back to me. I've been challanged by my weight for most of my life. Granted some of that time I only thought I was fat when I really wasn't. The point is that I have been fat inside my head for as long as I can remember. One of the most shameful and embarrassing moments was when I was 15 and some of the boys in my class thought it was funny to sing "thunder, thunder, thunder thighs hooooooo!" when they saw me coming to the tune of the cartoon "Thunder Cats." That experie...
20 comments
Read more

Life happens

I wish I could tell you guys that everything is on track and that the reason I have not been writing is because life has just been too good. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Winter is generally a crap time of year for me. I thought that this one I could get a handle on it and not have it get the best of me. I was wrong. Exercise? Who me? Eat healthy? Um no. Last night I wanted chips so mr. ralph went out at midnight and got us chips and dip and we sat in our pj's watching the England and Portugal quarter final stuffing our faces. Am I painting a pretty picture? For the most part I eat well. I do. I do not stock my house with these kinds of foods. I have learned that because I am an emotional eater, it is better if I don't. But mr. ralph is too easy. Where I won't go out and buy something at midnight, if I ask him too he will go for me. Yes, I do believe we are in a co-dependent relationship, even where food is concerned. We both eat when we feel emotional....
4 comments
Read more

Weigh-in March 19th

Today I weighed-in at 67.2 kilos. That makes another remarkable loss of 600 grams. I have not had this many steady weight losses until I started my version of the Wendie Plan. Although they're not huge numbers, I can get used to this. After the unusual weightgain on Thursday morning I stopped taking Voltaren and drank like 4 litres of water on Thursday and then again on Friday. This I think helped flush all the drug out of my system, allowing the water retention to stop as well. On the Au Weight Watchers plan I am meant to be eating 20 points a day up until I weigh 65 kilos, but being just above that I have decided to try to go down to 18 points a day this week. This will make the Wendie Plan a lot harder because on the superlow point day I will only be allowed 12 points, but I think if I try it, these last 4.2 kilos will go a lot quicker. A man reached his goal weight today at my Weight Watchers meeting and I vowed (to myself of course) to be the next one at my meeting to d...
9 comments
Read more