livingforrecovery

I am now sober (again) for 4 weeks.  This time I have to say is different. It is a lot of things, not just one thing that is different. I started seeking spiritual help. I started seeing a psychologist. I keep myself happiest with at least 3 yoga sessions a week, as much time at the beach I can muster on the weekend, daily meditation, and most of the time 2-3 AA meetings per week. So far I've managed to sometimes go days without thinking about having a drink, and when I do I shudder.  I know that it won't solve anything, and I don't want to undo any of the good not drinking has already done in my life. I'm like a brand new person. Physically I've lost like 2 sizes and people have said I glow, my skin is starting to improve and my clothes are just falling off of me so I bought some new to me clothes at a op-shop, all of which I love. The past month has been extremely hard for a lot of reasons. First of all I got VERY sick when I relapsed last.  I drank en

Monday 18/12/2017 I have no idea how I made it through this weekend. I was completely mental. I went to an AA meeting yesterday, I got there early as was going completely insane, then I sat outside in the sun with some other members, all male.  I’ve only talked to them a few times and have only been going to this meeting around every other Sunday because I’ve not really been feeling the need that bad until now. What I wanted was to be at the beach enjoying the day without sitting there in the sun, crying over how bad I want to drink.  The good news is I didn’t drink, but the fact is I fought it all weekend.  I had to daily make a decision to walk past the pub, the lawn-bowls club… to not go and gate crash my neighbour’s house party on Saturday night. It was horrendous. I want the cravings to go away.  I don’t want to have to talk to myself, literally talk myself out of drinking for days at a time. I don’t want this to be this hard.  Please God, please remove the desire

I didn't have to read much of the last few entries to know where I left this thing. A lot changed. A lot did not. I went back to drinking, I guess I wasn't desperate enough to stay stopped.  I hadn't experienced quite the amount of pain needed for me to make it a permanent change. I don't even remember the exact date I began drinking again, but I what I remember most is that I couldn't do it without a numbing agent.  I needed it desperately. It took a long time of drinking again for me to see how it never helped anything.  It NEVER helped anything. Today makes 71 days of sobriety this time around. It sounds like a long time, but in reality it isn't. Tonight is my work's Christmas party.  I am going.  The plan is to not drink.  It is hard to believe that I am not going to drink on a night where everyone else will be, on a night when society says hey, it is okay, have a few wines to celebrate, you deserve it!  A night when the drinks a

So tonight on Facebook I visited one of my friends links to her blog. I seriously had not thought about this blog in so long. I don't know why I stopped writing. But I want to start again. I have always found writing therapeutic. It has been so long since I've written I re-read my last entries. I cried. I was in so much pain back then with the end of my relationship with Ash.. and recuperating from the accident. I can't say that pain no longer exists in my world because it does. But I have clearly grown immensely in my understanding of pain. I have discovered several people that have influenced me and changed my life. Louise Hay was the first. Then through reading and getting to know her I came across Dr. Wayne Dyer. These and several more people have changed my life incredibly. I plan to keep writing. Tonight I will leave it brief as I have a head cold and need to rest.  But look out blog world. I'm back!!!

7/5 meditation for today: I can let you take the path you choose and still love you. I'm really looking forward to being on the farm this weekend, I'm going to go for long walks enjoy the country air. I'm learning to appreciate everyone that is in my life. I know that they are a part of it for a reason. I had so much fun with D. Reilly last night.  I always do.  He makes me smile. I was called up on stage during the intermission to participate in a contest of constructing something tall out of straws.  I got called up there because I have a big mouth.  Reilly came up with me and we won! Well there was no prize but it was fun.    

5/5 I can't believe how much the Coco movie has diturbed me.  I am thinking of going to see it again this weekend when I will inevitably be alone.  I think the content is so close to home. I identified with so much. I was so upset by it. I'm learning so much about myself and feel that I'm on the right path, to feeling better.  I have been blessed so much with wonderful people around me.  I'm so glad to have lari back, even if she is on the farm most of the time.  Just knowing she is there helps me. It is so good to have my sponsor, my psychologist, marie (who I see tonight) and nessa.  I can't believe how much support I have. I know you're not spiritual but I believe that someone is looking out for me.  She is looking for work and I saw her the past 2 weekends so I don't think I will see her this coming weeend. The flatmates don't factor in too often, but it is a lot to expect from boys.  At first they loved and hugged me and let me c