livingforrecovery

I am so thankful that this year is over. I need to use the new year as a way to get out this murky water. I feel like I have been drowning, swallowing heaping barrels of mud.... and it all started in March 2006. Sometimes one decision can change your life, this time it was for the worst. I hope to get past this, and once again I must turn to writing for guidance, comfort, insight, and clarity (hopefully). See you next year!

De-nile is no longer just a river in Egypt, but the planet I have obviously been inhabiting for a long time now. I am seriously in danger of sacrificing all the hard work I went through in losing weight in the first place. I have size 12 clothes that are too tight! That is so depressing! Stretch denim, too tight!?!? I feel so awful. Just before I came here to post I read the comments from my last entry, and the one that said my entry was motivational was so nice, but seriously people... I am far from being motivated let alone able to help anyone else. I don't know what to do. Well I know what I need to do, but I feel so bad about myself that I am finding it difficult to focus.

There is no better time than now to stop stuffing my face with hot chips. I am sick of looking at all the clothes that don't fit me. It is seriously depressing. I was wondering what I should do with all the size 10's that are lingering around taunting me. I have decided that I will keep them for now because if start doing something about this and stop crying about it, they may fit me again by March or April. Did you know that I weigh what I did two years ago? Maybe I have already mentioned that? I ate so much on Christmas day that I felt like I had put on a dress size, I fully expected my new size 12 shorts I got from Suzanne to not fit me anymore, but they did thankfully still fit. I am very sad with the state of my body. The past 3 days I have been doing absolutely nothing expect eating, drinking, and being LAZY. The last 6 months I have been so focused on other bullshit that I have let everything get out of control. I console myself with the knowledge that I am arou...

I bought some new walking shoes this weekend. Basically the others have been in desperate need of being thrown in the bin for more than a few weeks now. So really, I have no excuse not to be walking. And I mean walking! Every. Single. Day. I feel the heat of summer creeping in and I don't like it, no, not one bit. I do not have the desire to see myself in my bathers either... God no! Please, no!! What is the deal with Cricket? Can someone tell me? I just cannot bring myself to understand. Do you ever have songs that you just can't get out of your head no matter how much you try? Well, that is how I feel about this song by Sarah Mclachlan. This song is everything I feel and everything I am at the moment. I will Not Forget You I remember the nights when I watched as you lay sleeping your body gripped by some far away dream, And I was so scared and so in love then, And so lost in all of you that I had seen. But no one ever talked in the darkness, No voice ever added fu...