livingforrecovery

This is just a test. going to attempt to write entries from work and email them to blogger.  I've got a lot of thougths going round and round in my head and my friends obviously need a break sometimes. So I realised yesterday actually makes 5 weeks. five weeks is a rather long month, and the 'month' is probably nowhere near coming to an end. I am mostly sad but also know that I am going to be okay. How do I know that? Well this happened at the right time I think.  I have an awesome psychologist. A great friend and sponsor.  Lara is back in town.  I have a gym membership, and my flatmates although boys, are pretty awesome too. Have to hold on to the little things.

I went to a lecture tonight by Dr Michael Yapko , Called Depression is Contagious. It was very interesting but a little long. I will probably have more to say about it at another time. I wanted to write tonight but there is too much to say.

I feel like I should be writing. I've missed it. I look back at my enormous archives and ache for all the time lost. All the moments I didn't put in here. I read your comments and I see all the support my readers have always given me. It makes me feel loved. I'm not doing well. This is not a surprise I know. I always write when I'm depressed. The thing is I write and then I don't like what I've written. I delete it. I write again, I delete. I feel so dead. Like the car should have killed me. No. Like the car did kill me. Like the last year has been purgatory. And now the past 5 weeks have been hell.