livingforrecovery

I weighed myself on Saturday morning at home. I didn't go to ww. Why? I just didn't feel like it. I know that I should have, but I didn't. I know they will accept me back next week. I was 66.8, which if you see to the right is 600 grams lighter than my last weigh-in, but that was almost 3 weeks ago. So I'm not doing that great on the weight loss scene. I am not surprised given the amount of drama that has been going on in my life. I did eat like crazy yesterday, but I also went to a Mexican dinner party and haven't eaten at a dinner party in so long I thought why not? There was nothing healthy to eat, and I didn't care either. I know that I'll be okay, even if I gain again. I know where I want to go. I know I will eventually get there. I know summer is on its way and as the warmer days start to pour in, I will get the exercise bug again. I know that when I contemplate short pants and tank tops and bathing suits that my mind will once again be 100% focused on...

I had a slight scare with my raise at work. I had been told it was going to be backdated to the 1st of July (which is awesome!) But then they came back to me later and said that it wouldn't. I fought for myself and now, around a week later they've finally agreed to pay me for July. My increase is around $400 a month (by my calculations) so I needed to fight hard because I deserve it. I'm taking another trip to Melbourne the weekend of the 10th and this time staying in a luxury hotel suite with 2 girlfriends. I felt I deserved a bit of luxury this time around since the last time was so bad. I don't plan on running into mr. ralph's friend, at all. But if one of you happens to want to meet up, we can. The only thing is, I haven't told my friends about this site so we'd have to say we met on msn or some other thing... I think I may have lost a wee bit of weight this week. I forgot to mention that I didn't weigh in at weight watchers last week but I did go to...

So I gave her the plant and the card, but I placed them on her desk while she was getting her morning coffee. By the way, the ride to work was excruciating. She onlu spole to me in one word responses. I thought if the gift didn't soften her up, I would definitely be better off on the bus. About 5 minutes later I hear her calling my name from behind at my desk and I turned around to see her standing there with the plant in her hand. She set it down on my desk saying, "I cannot accept this." I was more than a little stunned and said, "What? Why? Did you read my card?" And she said, "Yes, and I accept the card but I cannot accept the gift becaise it makes me feel as if you are trying to buy me off." There I was, still with puffy eyes from crying too much, staring back at her and again saying, "But did you read my card?" She walked away saying "Thank you, but I accept it." Then one of my joyful teammates came in saying "Oh w...

Yesterday the woman that I ride to work with really threw me for a loop. I don't talk about her that much because we have zip in common. A lot of times she frustrates me because she is the kind of person that only talks and never listens. I've learned to just ask her 1 question about her and she will talk the entire way to and from work and I don't have to worry about making conversation. But yesterday... You see I had this gut feeling she was mad with me but she had not told me about it. Instead she has been quiet in the car, even when I ask her the questions. So I sent her an email at work early on (say 7:40ish) and she never responded to it. This was not a good sign, but I tried not to let it bother me. I was so tired yesterday that I felt ill. So when we got in the car to go home she flew into me. She told me she was angry at me because I didn't apologize to her for a day last week that I overslept. I was taken aback because not only did I apologize, but I ...

So this is what my virtual model (with my current weight I swear) would look like (in my dreams!) in a bikini.

Remember how I wanted to change my eating habits on Saturdays so I would stop feeling so bad going into the week and maybe, just maybe have better losses? Well it will have to wait another week now because yesterday I ate an entire Snitzel, with mushroom gravy, and chips. For afternoon tea, I had half a box of Cadbury's Roses. Dinner thankfully wasn't that bad, I had 2 slices of toast with a poached egg, but along the side I had 4 glasses of wine. I'm in the shittiest mood ever. The CT scan was scheduled by my regular doctor (the semi-retired one I mentioned earlier) and she saw me again Saturday after the test was done. You see my surgeon ordered one for the 6th of September, but because I was in so much pain and wouldn't see me, we did what we had to do. As it turns out his fusion is fucking beautiful. Gorgeous work Doc! You're an absolute brilliant surgeon, a bit shite with people, but the man has steady hands! Got to give it up for the C-man. But low and ...

There are no words to describe how much I hate the medical practice in Australia, but let me see if I can give it a go. We all know that for the past few weeks I've had increasing pain in my shoulders, paticularly the left side. Well on Tuesday night I couldn't sleep because the pain was so intense and nothing was helping. It felt exactly like the kind of pain I had before when they discovered I had a bulging disc. At the emergency room they gave me some oxycodone (which apparently is one of the strongest pain medicines they are allowed to administer) and all it did folks is make me sleepy. The pain was still there. Then they told me that I should ring my surgeon the following day to see what I should do. I spoke to his secretary who told me she would speak to him and ring me back. Of course she had not rung me by 4pm so I had to ring her and she "was just about to ring me..." What did the bastard have to say? He doesn't think it is related to the fusion h...

Although I wanted to see more of a loss, I have to say the fact that I'm going back down is a relief in itself. I weighed in at 67.4 kg and had a loss for the week of 300 grams. I did have difficulty getting my mind back into weight-loss mode. I'd been coasting along for a few weeks and it takes time to stop the bad habits and reintroduce new ones. I am amazed at the response to my post from Friday morning. It is such a good feeling to know that I've helped some of my readers begin to deal with their own feelings. I've tried writing to everyone that I had email addresses for, but Khazzy if you are still reading, I hope you know that if you want someone to talk things through with I would be happy to be there for you. Plus I had obligated myself to go see a Goldclass movie with my mum-in-law (it was her mother's day gift from us) and she had asked me during the week if she could redeem it this weekend. I was in such a state I tell you. I had a mind splitting ...

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but Australians are a bit different when it comes to weight loss. They're very private and compliments and comments aren't as forthcoming as they'd be in the US where everyone is on a diet, thinking about going on a diet etc. Yesterday I received an email from one of my co-workers and this is what she wrote: Hey Becca. A quite personal thing really. I cannot help notice how great you look. Diversity aside, I am sick of being fat. Can you please let me know how I join Weight Watchers as it seems, with your will power, and their help, you have achieved as well as maintained your ideal weight. When she say's "diversity aside" she is referring to the company policy of not saying anything that someone else may find offensive. They're very strict about it. I had to giggle about that, but I was so encouraged. I know it took a lot for her to reach out to me, and I was so happy that people see me as an ex...

I woke up earlier than I needed to today, but it is dark outside. Instead of going for a walk in the dark I decided to check out my comments from this week. I think that it is the best thing that I could have done. You guys are amazing. I truly have no idea what I would do without you. I am feeling so encouraged. Also a close friend of mine made me feel great earlier this week when I told her about the gain. She told me that I am her inspiration for losing weight, and she is using me as her role model. And Beckie you are right to remind me of being 105 kilos. Sometimes it is easy to forget that I was once that large when now my worries are trying to make sure I can still wear my size 10 pants. It is remarkable to be 67 kilos, an amazing blessing. It is unreal this journey I've been on. I guess I worry a lot that I will slip up and gain it all back. This frightens me so much. But it is wise to remember where I've come from and look back in a positive way to celebrat...

Welcome to my hell. I've discovered quite depressingly that I've managed to gain 2 extra kilos on top of the 1 previously gained adding my current weight total to 67.7, and I have finally updated the side bar to reflect this. It was hard accepting that I now have 5 kilos to lose again and I've put on 3 since winter began. The Weight Watchers meeting was encouraging, but I can't say I'm proud of the things that encouraged me. The leader seems to have put on heaps of weight and I know by admitting this I am going to loose some friends, but it actually made me feel better to know that I'm not the only one suffering through these winter months. We spent the entire meeting talking about exercise. My favorite exercise was brought up as an alternative for winter because it is easy to do at home no matter what time of the day, skipping. I love skipping, but I've begun to wonder if skipping is the reason for my recent return of pain. The doctor cleared me for ...

I am having a dilemma right now about the pain I am having in my neck/shoulders. It is worse than it was the last time I had an episode, but it hasn't caused any numbness in my arms, which is a very GOOD thing. The problem is, do I phone my spinal surgeon and tell him about it, or do I just continue managing it at home until it subsides or gets worse? I've been managing okay so far, and I haven't had to miss any work, which is good because Worker's Compensation have issued a discontinuance because I've been pretty much cleared for work now. But it doesn't mean that if I have something happens to cause a need for future time off work they won't reconsider opening my case. I don't even want to think about going backwards with this thing, but when you are in pain, these are the things you think about. I know as well that the pain could just be normal. Quite often these things get inflamed for no good reason and I have to live with it. But it worries m...

After all that talk about feeling good inside my skin and finally feeling thin, I ended up having an emotional eating weekend. I know I shouldn't have put off attending WW for another week, because if I had gone I would have been grounded with my new plan. Instead I just threw convention to the wind and ate too much. I think I must enjoy feeling guilty. There really is something to that. Sometimes I stop and think to myself, "Why are you doing this?" The fact that I am aware at all is good, but to be so self-depreciating feels awful. Knowing how much I sabotage myself makes me feel like I really am crazy. The past two days have been good ones, although we are eating out tonight. I plan to order a salad and not touch the bread. The place we are going to is not one for having healthy meals but for some reason all of mr. ralph's co-workers who leave always choose this place. It stinks, but I really don't have a choice. I could not eat, but then I'd be s...

I'm a little late with this one, sorry Argy , but I finally remembered I was tagged while I was away. So here it goes: Three names I go by: Bec, Rebecca and Becca Three screen names I've had: Rebeka, Rbk, and Mari Three physical things I like about myself: My eyes, My toes, and my mouth Three physical things I don't like about myself: My legs, My bum, and my upper arms Three parts of my heritage: huh? I am part French, Irish, and mutt? Three things I am wearing right now: Butterfly t-shirt, panties, and toenail polish Three favorite bands/musical artists : Sarah McLachlan, Nirvana, Sting (a real mixture, not easy to pick) Three favorite songs: Magic Carpet Ride, Pieces of You, and Building a Mystery (so hard to pick 3) Three things I want in a relationship: Patience, Understanding, Love Two truths and a lie: (you pick the lie) I can use my toes like fingers, I have one brother and one sister, and my favourite food is chocolate Three physical things about the pref...

Yes I know my title is also a cheesy country and western song. But if it fits, it fits. I've missed you guys. I really have. I've come back and let another entire week lapse without writing an entry, and the only reason I've got is that I'm simply uninterested in diet related thoughts. Go figure. I have been reading your blogs though, and I've noticed a huge decline out there in my side of the blogosphere. I think that winter has put a damper on things. I didn't do so bad with my eating in Melbourne; even though we ate the occasional fatty meal and had a few drinks, all the walking I did would have fully compensated for those things. Even so, when I got back I was terrified of the scale. I avoided it like the plague until finally curiosity got the best of me yesterday morning. The results? 66 Kilos. Well it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be, in fact if I remember correctly I was already up to 66 kilos before we left on the trip. I don...

I am having a great time in Melbourne, although on Tuesday I awoke with a sneeze and a sore throat. I soon discovered that I have now contracted the Victorian strain of what I only had a few weeks ago at home. Oh well, life does go on. There is so much to say, but as I am paying by the half hour today, I won't go into it all. What I've most enjoyed about Melbourne is walking around and going into shops/cafe's that aren't mainstream. I love the grungy ambiance of a lot of it and really enjoy the time I spend by myself just looking around. I'd enjoy this a lot more if it weren't so damn cold and rainy, but Winter cannot be avoided. I've been doing a crap load of walking and on Tuesday I did a lot of swimming at the St. Kilda Salt Baths. It was a great time! Tomorrow I am using mr. ralph's free swimming pass the university gave him. I probably won't update again until I am at home. Enjoy your weekend.

This is just a quick update to let everyone know that I'm doing well and having fun in Melbourne. Sunday was absolutely gorgeous with some sunshine, but the skies are very grey today unfortunately, and it looks like there will be more rain tomorrow. Thankfully I will be at the St. Kilda Sea Baths for the better of the day. How has my eating been? Well, I'm so glad you asked! I've actually been really good for about 80% of the time, what has been really killing me is the wine, cheese, and pate. Mr. ralph's friend is a big red wine drinker and he offers me glass after glass every night. I keep reminding myself that I am on holidays, but I also don't want to go up a pants size either. It is so easy to just fall back into bad eating habits, but I really want to be good. I am still trying hard to eat veggies and salads at every possible meal time. Of course I have not been anywhere near a scale so I have no idea what the current damage is, in a way I'm glad for ...

Hello! Today is packing day. Something weird is going on with my blog, because I redesigned yesterday and noticed that the current entry [which was Monday] had no comments, and then I noticed you couldn't comment on it because blogger would pop up with an error message when you did try... plus when I republished with the new design Monday's entry disappeared. Poof. Gone. Just like that. Oh well, it was really just another post where I bitched about how I'm not myself lately. I bet you're getting sick of those entries. I have to apologise. I hope that when I come back from Melbourne I will be different. And at the very least I hope that I control myself and eat lots of veggie soups and salads instead of pizza and chips. So far only 1 person that lives in Melbourne wants to meet me. :( It is okay it really is, we're going off to a sea salt spa place in St. Kilda. That morning I think I will spend shopping in St. Kilda. Last night mr. ralph and I checked ou...

That is me, making a very unhappy sound. So I didn't go to my weight watchers meeting today either. Yes, mr. ralph had something else to do and couldn't take me, but I could have walked, or mrs. ralph (the other one) would have been happy to drive me. But something inside of me didn't want to see the results on that scale, and have the # recorded. Although it was good that for the 2nd half of the week my mindset was back on track, and I was exercising everyday, I still am at least 1.5 kilos above my last weight recorded at WW. Now this makes 2 weeks in a row that I haven't attended. Unless I find a meeting to go to in Melbourne, it will be another 2 weeks before I can go back. They will probably make me rejoin at that time because the amount of meetings I've missed will cost more than the rejoining fee. I'm not sure what I will do. Maybe I will go to a Melbourne meeting. That could be fun. Do any of you go to WW in Melbourne? Now I haven't updated t...

Because I haven't really been here posting much, I think I forgot to mention that today begins my 2 week Holidays! I have a few days of doing whatever I want. I have decided I will make sure that I get at least 30 minutes of exercise in every single day that I am here too, just for my inner-peace. I know that it will help relieve stress, if nothing else to get myself out of the house when the sun is still shining (if it shines?). Then on Wed night we are off to wonderful, albeit cold, Melbourne! Yes that is right! Mr. ralph is giving a paper at a conference so we are staying in Melbourne for 9 days. This is a call to all of my readers that live in or near Melbourne. Please write to me if you would like to meet up with me for a face to face chat! We could have a coffee or go shopping, or even exercise! I have a lot of free time to do whatever I like! So please email me today so we can organize something! Oi, forgot to mention the dates. I will be there from the Thursday t...